On many occasions, I’ve discussed the importance of social connectedness.  Being socially connected provides you with more opportunities to have fun and to have a support system.  Furthermore, during the aging process, there is a strong association between loneliness and poor health and a shorter lifespan.

Something that can get lost in the process when discussing the importance of social relationships is the fact that having alone time is also important for good mental health.

Spending time alone can permit you the opportunity to de-stress and reduce the pressure that many of us experience in our daily lives.  Just doing nothing for a little while can be fun, and it also permits us to work relaxation, meditation, and non-competitive light exercise into our routine.  It also provides us with time to daydream and to problem-solve without being unduly influenced by others.  It can also enable us to focus on our own wants and needs – which is especially important if our jobs or family responsibilities significantly limit the time when we can concentrate on ourselves.

Knowing that we can comfortably function alone when we want to do so gives us the confidence to be able to do so when circumstances (e.g., a lengthy business trip, the end of a relationship, a pandemic) may force some alone time upon us.  While it may seem paradoxical, there is evidence to suggest the comfort in being alone may actually help us appreciate the time we spend with others, while also appreciating your own self-worth more, and this can truly improve social relationships.

Some people are more introverted and some are more extroverted but, as is the case in so many areas of life, it is best to avoid the extremes.  You really need some of each.  Those who are uncomfortable in spending time alone are really cheating themselves by not developing one of the most important relationships that a person can have – the relationship with oneself. 

If aloneness is a problem for you, get some help.  Keeping yourself busy to avoid being alone is not a solution.

Ron Kaiser, Ph.D. Psychologist, Educator, Author, Podcaster

Ron Kaiser, Ph.D., is a positive health psychologist, coach, author, podcaster, educator, consultant, and speaker. He has been in practice for more than five decades, including 25 years as Director of Psychology at the world-famous Jefferson Headache Center at Thomas Jefferson University. As an innovative thought leader in the field, he has developed the concepts of THE MENTAL HEALTH GYM, GOAL-ACHIEVING PSYCHOTHERAPY (GAP), THE TYPE P PERSONALITY, and REJUVENAGING®.