By Jerry Zezima I’ve always wanted to be a legend in my own time, but I don’t wear a watch. And I’d like to be a legend in my own mind, but I don’t have one. So it’s nice to know that I am, at the very least, a legend on my own feet. That’s […]
By Jerry Zezima All my life, I thought I would end up in the gutter. And last week it almost happened. So it’s a good thing I have gutter guards. I got them because leaves, twigs and acorns had clogged the gutters so much that there was barely room for my mind, which was in […]
By Jerry Zezima I have never been a big cheese, even in my own house, but my house is now home to a big cheese — a box of Vermont cheddar — which recently arrived on my doorstep thanks to a lovely lady with big brown eyes, long lashes and a beefy figure. She is […]
By Jerry Zezima I never thought I was hot stuff — especially when I look in the mirror to shave, a reflection that leaves me cold — but I sure am hot stuff now. That’s because I have just tried the world’s hottest sauce. And I can proudly say, with some difficulty due to a […]
By Jerry Zezima As a baby boomer who was bad at math in high school, I have calculated that 70 is the new 60. Using the new math, 70 is the new 50. And for grandparents, 70 is the new 10. That was the consensus at a fabulous 70th birthday party for members of the […]
By Jerry Zezima I have to brace myself for this, but when it comes to straight teeth and beautiful smiles, my granddaughter and I are bridging generations by wearing braces. Of course, my granddaughter’s smile is much more beautiful than mine, but she recently got metal braces — with pink rubber bands! — to correct […]
By Jerry Zezima An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if I keep eating apples every day, I’ll need a doctor because I am full of apples right up to my — you guessed it — Adam’s apple. I have been consuming the fruits of my labors since my wife, Sue, and I […]
By Jerry Zezima If left to my own devices — the phone, the computer, the washing machine, the dryer, the dishwasher, the house alarm, the microwave, the doorbell camera and even Alexa, the digital voice assistant — I would run them all over with my car because they won’t stop beeping. But then the car […]
By Jerry Zezima If you need a shoulder to cry on, don’t blubber all over mine. I’m crying on my own shoulder these days because I have an injured rotator cuff. This means, unfortunately, that I won’t be able to pitch in the major leagues or make game-winning shots in the NBA. My mother once […]
By Jerry Zezima Even though I can barely make scrambled eggs, which become scrambled when I try to make fried eggs, I am more than just a flash in the pan. That’s why I am celebrating the 25th anniversary of my supreme culinary triumph, a dish called Zezima’s Zesty Ziti Zinger, which not only was […]
