Posts Tagged With ‘ Comedy ’

By Jerry Zezima Even though I can barely make scrambled eggs, which become scrambled when I try to make fried eggs, I am more than just a flash in the pan. That’s why I am celebrating the 25th anniversary of my supreme culinary triumph, a dish called Zezima’s Zesty Ziti Zinger, which not only was first runner-up in the pasta sauce division of the 1998 Newman’s Own & Good Housekeeping Recipe Contest, but earned raves from legendary actor Paul Newman, who wolfed down a bowl of the stuff after I assured him that it didn’t kill my dog. The previous year, someone from the Newman’s Own... Continue Reading

By Jerry Zezima Camilla Zezima sleeps with the fishes. Those eternal nappers include the first two Camillas and the countless other fish that have been part of our family, if only briefly, over the years. Camilla III, as she (or he) was dubbed, lasted 12 months and was predeceased by the original Camilla, a female who went belly-up after only 48 hours, and her successor, Camilla II, a male who lived to the ripe old age of 2. The last two Camillas were gender-fluid because my granddaughters, who talked me into getting the first Camilla, thought they were not only female, but the same fish. Even... Continue Reading

By Jerry Zezima It may be true that time waits for no man, unless his watch has stopped, but it sure isn’t true for any man — or woman — who attends a yard sale. That’s what I found out when my daughter recently had a sale that was supposed to begin at 9 a.m. but which attracted a flock of time-ignorant early birds, the first of whom showed up at the ungodly hour of 6:52 in the morning. “Were they on Mountain Time?” I asked my daughter after my wife, Sue, and I, who participated in the sale, arrived at 8 o’clock, Eastern Time, to put out our stuff and have large doses of caffeine... Continue Reading

By Jerry Zezima I seldom write restaurant reviews for the sound journalistic reason that I seldom go to restaurants. That’s because I took a vow of poverty when I went into journalism and can’t afford to eat out too often. And whenever I do, it’s usually in a place where the most difficult dining decision is whether to have french fries or onion rings. But I am making an exception now because I just discovered a fantastic new eatery called Cafe Rio. In the interest of full disclosure, it is run by two of my granddaughters, who are 10 and almost 7 years old. The younger one chose the name... Continue Reading

By Jerry Zezima If it weren’t for my wife, I would have starved to death long ago. That’s because Sue not only is an excellent cook who can make even vegetables appetizing (except squash, which should be squashed), but she does the food shopping. But recently Sue was under the weather, so for only the second time in 45 years of marriage, I had to do the weekly shopping myself. As we stood in the kitchen, Sue went over the list of items she wanted me to buy. It looked like the battle plans for the invasion of Normandy. Not only that, but she sent me to two supermarkets. At first Sue said, “You... Continue Reading

By Jerry Zezima The great humorist Erma Bombeck said that no one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I’m glad Erma was right because otherwise my wife, Sue, and I would now be in the Great Bed, Bath & Beyond. We spent the better part of a week in the sack while being sacked by COVID-19. Just when we thought it was safe to go out — after three years of being masked, tasked and vaxxed to the max — we somehow contracted the virus. And we think we got it from, of all people, Lady Liberty. Sue and I — with our two daughters, one of our sons-in-law and our five grandchildren — went... Continue Reading

By Jerry Zezima You don’t need a master’s degree in nuclear engineering to put furniture together. But I’m glad my son-in-law has one. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have a nice new love seat and a set of matching chairs on the patio. When it comes to home improvement, I am the epitome of DIY: Dimwitted Incompetent Yoyo. I have enough trouble putting together a coherent sentence let alone a love seat, or a chair, or a table, or a bookcase, or an entertainment center, or — God forbid — a gas grill. Over the years, I have assembled all of those things with varying degrees of success and, often,... Continue Reading

By Jerry Zezima My wife has ants in her plants. She also has rabbits and squirrels and birds, oh, my! These creatures have been eating the vegetables in Sue’s garden. In retaliation, my green-thumbed sweetheart has been waging a constant battle to stop the pesky invaders from decimating the fruits of her labors. “They’re destroying my zucchini!” Sue moaned recently after discovering that some creepy critters had been gorging on the thick courgettes that she takes supreme pleasure in making me eat. To put it mildly, I am not a fan of squash, although I do like tennis. Sue is also growing... Continue Reading

By Jerry Zezima I’ve got a ticket to hide. Actually, I’ve got four tickets that the Connecticut Department of Motor Vehicles thought I was trying to hide. I plead ignorance, which I can say about practically any situation that involves me, because the parking citations were issued for a car that didn’t belong to me, in a place where I no longer lived, at a time dating back to the turn of the century. The mystery began recently when I received a letter from a collection agency informing me that the vehicle in question received four parking citations, totaling $120, in Bridgeport, Connecticut,... Continue Reading

By Jerry Zezima I’m a mild and lazy guy. That’s the only reason I haven’t been driven stark, raving mad by an evil cabal I am convinced is now running my life and has turned it into one big gaslight job. There is no other explanation for the fact that every business, organization, outlet, entity, agency or group I must deal with requires me to have a username and a password that don’t work and must be changed every damn time I try to log in to one of their websites. I envision shadowy figures in a small room ringed with screens that show me on my computer, attempting to pay a loan or trying... Continue Reading