By Jerry Zezima My wife and I are in better shape than our house. That’s saying something — I don’t know what, but it probably can’t be repeated in polite company — because Sue and I are 70 and our house is 50. Despite the age difference, our joints hurt less than our joint. We […]
By Jerry Zezima Jerry had a little lamb. It was a shade of paint. It went right on the bathroom wall. The fumes could make you faint. That’s the nursery rhyme I composed while painting the wall of a bathroom in our house. Fortunately, I wasn’t overcome by fumes, which might have improved the creative […]
By Jerry Zezima As a guy who gets pooped at the mere thought of washing bird droppings off a car, I never figured I would wax poetic over my amazing ability to clean and wax my wife’s wheels. But it turns out I am a gem. That is the expert opinion of a guy who […]
By Jerry Zezima When it comes to wordplay, I’m the pun and only. Or I had been for the past decade. In 2014, I competed in Punderdome, a contest billed as “New York’s Most Puntastic Competition.” At the ripe old age of 60, I was the eldest competitor. But I had the ripe stuff because […]
By Jerry Zezima I will never get into the National Baseball Hall of Fame unless I buy a ticket. That’s because my batting average in Little League was lower than my weight and my winning percentage as the manager of my daughters’ softball team was just as bad. But even though mighty Jerry struck out […]
By Jerry Zezima I am out to lunch. This is especially true when I make lunch. That’s because, in my incapable hands, organizing the second meal of the day takes so long that I am surprised I haven’t starved to death by now. My wife, Sue, who usually eats lunch with me and simplifies matters […]
By Jerry Zezima I know I am going out on a limb by saying this, but in our yard, everything happens in trees. The stately sentinels — mostly oaks, although a modest maple stands out front — serve as headquarters for birds that poop on our cars and squirrels that ravage the garden. The trees […]
By Jerry Zezima The day after I turned 70, I got an email urging me to buy burial insurance. “Now more than ever, it’s time to make sure your family is protected,” it said. “You may qualify for amazing rates on burial policies!” I was sure I didn’t qualify because I am not — at […]
By Jerry Zezima My wife thinks I drive too fast. Our younger daughter thinks I drive too slow. Since I am neither a white-knuckled NASCAR wannabe nor a little old man who tootles along in the passing lane with his left blinker on, this means I drive just right. And I recently proved it by […]
By Jerry Zezima Inspired by pop legend Neil Sedaka, who is most famous for his 1960 hit song “Calendar Girl,” I love, I love, I love to be a calendar guy, each and every day of the year. And since it’s 2024 already, this can mean only one thing for a geezer like me: Times […]
