By Jerry Zezima Whenever I pull a prank, which generally involves my grandchildren, whose maturity level is way above mine, I think outside the box. This is a wise strategy because I can’t fit inside the box. And even if I could, the air supply to my brain would be cut off and I’d be […]
By Jerry Zezima When it comes to shaving, I’m two-faced. One face I have been scraping with a blade since I was a teenager more than five decades ago, the other I recently started buzzing with an electric razor. Neither face will make me a Hollywood star unless I stop shaving altogether and get the […]
By Jerry Zezima My mother was the life of her 100th birthday party. She also was the star in our little family band — three children, one daughter-in-law, five grandchildren, three grandchildren’s spouses and five great-grandchildren — who gathered at Zody’s 19th Hole, a popular restaurant at the E. Gaynor Brennan Municipal Golf Course in […]
By Jerry Zezima Ever since I became a grandfather, and have proudly remained the most immature member of the family, I have often been asked if I spoil my grandchildren. “No,” I always reply. “That’s my wife’s job. My job is to corrupt them.” This makes me supremely qualified to be a grandparent coach. I […]
By Jerry Zezima My heart surgeon told me to take a hike, so I bought a pedometer. Then he told me that my surgery was canceled and I didn’t have to take a hike. But I already had the pedometer. So I took a hike. It was a walk in the park — or, actually, […]
By Jerry Zezima According to an old saying, which can probably be attributed to my neighbors, the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. But now that my neighbors have installed a new fence, and a landscaper has worked turf magic on my once-barren property, I can happily say that the […]
By Jerry Zezima I was born during a blizzard, I am all wet even during droughts and, perhaps a contributing factor to global warming, I am full of hot air. This alone would qualify me to be a television weather expert. But I have made it official by buying a rain gauge and an outdoor […]
By Jerry Zezima If there is one thing that will make your heart pound faster than finding out you need cardiac surgery, it’s finding out, mere hours before the operation, that you don’t. Thus did my supposedly faulty ticker skip several beats when my cardiovascular surgeon called me the day before surgery was scheduled and […]
By Jerry Zezima When you’re scheduled to have heart surgery, nothing tests your heart more than pre-surgical testing. I have had more tests than I ever had in school. Fortunately, I have passed them all, which is more than I can say for the tests I took during my ignominious academic career, when I regularly […]
By Jerry Zezima If you need open-heart surgery, as I do, the best person to perform it is a plumber. Who also happens to be a cardiovascular and thoracic surgeon. In my case, that would be Dr. John Goncalves, whose impressive credentials qualify him to operate at Home Depot. “I’m a plumber,” the good doctor […]
