By Jerry Zezima If I had my own TV show, a sitcom like “Everybody Loves Raymond” that I would call “Some People Seem to Like Jerry,” the first episode would be about how I can’t work my own TV. That was the sad situation when I had so much trouble with a faulty cable box […]
By Jerry Zezima According to an old saying, which must have been said by somebody old, muscles have memory. I forget who said it because my muscles are soaking in milk of amnesia. Still, I thought I was the oldest member of my gym until I met a guy who was born during the Roosevelt […]
By Jerry Zezima Sometimes a boy just likes to feel pretty. That’s why two of my granddaughters recently gave me a beauty treatment at their very own spa and salon. And I can count on the fingers of two hands how much it cost to be the envy of everyone at an evening gathering where […]
By Jerry Zezima TOP SECRET To: Tom Cruise From: Jerry Zezima Re: “Mission: Implausible” Dear Mr. Cruise: I am a dashing, heroic and admittedly aging spy cleverly disguised as a syndicated newspaper columnist whose work is highly suspect. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to let me star in the next installment […]
By Jerry Zezima As a man who dozes off at the drop of a hat, even though I don’t wear one, I find it hard to wake up and smell the coffee. The problem is that I can’t smell the coffee until I wake up. And I can’t wake up until I have coffee. If […]
By Jerry Zezima If it weren’t for Venetian blinds, it would be curtains for me. It also would be valances, drapes, shutters and other coverings for windows that I haven’t washed in two years, which is why my wife, Sue, has been throwing shades at me. We recently got new blinds in the family room […]
By Jerry Zezima Because I am a geezer with a heart condition, I’m not ashamed to admit that when it comes to shoveling snow, I am also a wuss, which stands for “wait until spring starts.” To compound matters, I was born during a blizzard and have been perpetrating snow jobs ever since. So in […]
By Jerry Zezima I wouldn’t be barking up the wrong clothes tree to say that my younger daughter’s dog has a better wardrobe than I do. So do both of my barber’s dogs. It’s enough to make a grown human howl. I became aware of this canine clothing conspiracy about a year ago when my […]
By Jerry Zezima I wouldn’t be barking up the wrong clothes tree to say that my younger daughter’s dog has a better wardrobe than I do. So do both of my barber’s dogs. It’s enough to make a grown human howl. I became aware of this canine clothing conspiracy about a year ago when my […]
By Jerry Zezima I used to think, because I’m a kid at heart, and even more so at head, that I have the maturity level of a 9-year-old. But I don’t think so anymore because a 9-year-old, who happens to be one of my grandchildren, thinks my jokes are stupid. This was made abundantly clear […]
