My contibution to Dad Jokes about New years resolutions
It took a while but here is a joke a day for January.
1.
Why did the bicycle go
into Retirement? It couldn’t handle the pressure of being too tired.
2.
Why did the calendar
apply for a gym membership in January? Because it wanted to work out its
issues!
3.
My New Year’s resolution
is to lose weight. I plan to start by shedding some excess baggage—like my old
magazines and junk in the garage!
4.
What do you call a
resolution to watch less TV in January? A Netflix-ting goal!
5.
I asked my New Year’s
resolution to do the dishes, but it just couldn’t handle the pressure.
6.
I told my resolution to
stop procrastinating, but it said, “I’ll start next year!”
7.
Why did the calendar
refuse to make any New Year’s resolutions? Because it wanted to stay
“dates-attached”!
8.
My resolution for
January is to become more organized. So far, my sock drawer is looking pretty
sharp!
9.
What’s a snowman’s New
Year’s resolution? To chill out more!
10.
My New Year’s resolution
is to be more positive. So far, I’ve positively refused to give up on pizza!
11.
Why did the math book
make a resolution to Exercise more in January? Because it wanted to work on its
problem-solving skills!
12.
My New Year’s resolution
is to be a better cook. I’ll start by learning how to make ice cubes without
burning them!
13.
I asked my resolution to
help with my finances, but it just laughed and handed me a dollar bill.
14.
Why did the computer
make a resolution to go to the gym in January? Because it wanted to lose some
“byte”!
15.
My resolution for
January is to read more books. So far, I’ve read two cereal boxes and a shampoo
bottle!
16.
What’s a dog’s New
Year’s resolution? To stop chasing its own tail and start chasing its dreams!
17.
My resolution for
January is to be more environmentally friendly. I’ve already switched to
reusable grocery bags—just as soon as I find where I put them!
18.
What’s a cat’s New
Year’s resolution? To be less purr-suasive!
19.
My resolution is to save
Money in January. So, I’ve decided to name my piggy bank “Gym
Membership”!
20.
Why did the calendar
break its New Year’s resolution to stop being so square? Because it couldn’t
find a round solution!
21.
My New Year’s resolution
is to learn a new language. So far, I’ve mastered the language of emoji!
22.
What did one wall say to
the other on New Year’s Eve? “I’ll meet you at the corner next year!”
23.
My resolution for
January is to take more naps. I guess you could say I’m
“siesta-tional”!
24.
Why did the scarecrow
make a resolution to improve its social life in January? Because it wanted to
be outstanding in its field!
25.
My New Year’s resolution
is to be more punctual. I’ll start by setting my alarm for January 2nd!
26.
Why did the broom make a
resolution to sweep more often in January? Because it wanted to clean up its
act!
27.
My resolution for
January is to be more generous. I’ve already given my TV remote a little extra
attention!
28.
What’s a tree’s New
Year’s resolution? To stand tall and branch out!
29.
My resolution is to eat
healthier in January. So, I’m switching to a strict Diet of chocolate. Dark
chocolate, of course—it’s practically a salad!
30. Why did the phone make a resolution to call its friends more often in January? Because it wanted to “cell”-ebrate friendship!
31. My New Year’s resolution is to be more adventurous. I’ve already decided to try a new type of cereal for breakfast tomorrow. Exciting times ahead!
Originally Published on https://boomersnotsenior.blogspot.com/
