By Jerry Zezima I’m a mild and lazy guy. That’s the only reason I haven’t been driven stark, raving mad by an evil cabal I am convinced is now running my life and has turned it into one big gaslight job. There is no other explanation for the fact that every business, organization, outlet, entity, […]

By Jerry Zezima There’s no fool like an old fool who tries to keep cool in a pool with granddaughters who prove it’s girls who rule. That’s the lesson I learned from the little mermaids, whose aquatic exploits made me feel like a fish out of water. My wife, Sue, and I were guests at […]

By Jerry Zezima According to an old saying, which is reserved for old people like yours truly, the knees are the first things to go. That’s not true for me because my brain went a long time ago. But my knees are in painful pursuit because I recently injured one of them while giving horsey […]

By Jerry Zezima I’m lucky I haven’t won Mega Millions, Powerball or even Lucky 7s. If I did, I’d keel over from shock and never cash in. That is why I’m also lucky to have received a boxful of fun and intriguing items from Luck Shop, a business specializing in the kind of fabulous merchandise […]

By Jerry Zezima Picasso had his Blue Period. And now, I’ve had mine. The difference between us — aside from the important fact that he had talent but is currently deceased — is that Picasso didn’t paint his bathroom. I painted mine. Or at least I painted part of it. And I chose the color: […]

By Jerry Zezima At my age (rapidly approaching a seventh decade of immaturity), I never thought I could be a swimsuit model, the mere sight of which would clear a beach faster than Jaws. But then I saw Martha Stewart on the cover of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue, which I bought for strictly professional […]

By Jerry Zezima My mind is in the gutter. It’s also in the kitchen, the bathroom, the garage and all the other places where I have lost my mind in the 25 years since my wife, Sue, and I became homeowners. Now that we have been in our humble abode for a quarter of a […]

By Jerry Zezima I’m probably putting my foot in my mouth for saying this, but Air Jordan, the fabulously successful sneaker line named after former basketball great Michael Jordan, may have to step aside for a new shoe, one named after a guy whose athletic exploits on the playground and the trampoline should be an […]

By Jerry Zezima I have gone to seed. Unfortunately, so has my grass. The problem is that it won’t grow, especially in the front yard, where a giant oak tree throws shade at a lawn I have tried for years to make green and lush. Instead, I recently made myself green (with envy at my […]

By Jerry Zezima When I was in school, I was so bad in art that if I became a painter, I would starve to death because I couldn’t even draw a good salary. But my grandchildren are in school and they are so good in art that their works deserve to be in the Louvre […]