By Jerry Zezima Row, row, row my seat swiftly down the track. Warily, warily, warily, warily, my body’s out of whack. That’s the tune I sang to myself — because I didn’t want to scare everyone else at the gym — as I rocked and rolled on a rowing machine under the expert guidance of […]
By Jerry Zezima No matter what I do, whether it’s good, bad or just plain stupid, my wife, Sue, has my back. And I have hers. But lately, neither one of us has wanted to make the exchange. That’s because we both threw our backs out. I injured mine while cleaning the bathroom, which is […]
By Jerry Zezima I have always believed that if you have an appointment with an eye doctor, you should show up late. When the doctor asks why you weren’t on time, you can say, “I couldn’t find you.” This will let him or her see — with the aid of prescription glasses, because eye doctors […]
By Jerry Zezima If you want something done, goes an old saying, do it yourself. Unless you’re me, in which case you not only have a lot to worry about but couldn’t finish a do-it-yourself project or write a self-help book without asking someone else (not me) for help. This is especially true when it […]
By Jerry Zezima As the very model of the modern medical marvel, I have survived an aortic aneurysm, a terrible bout of COVID-19 and. worst of all, a nasty paper cut. Not to be outdone, my wife, Sue, lived through a heart attack, came down with COVID, too, and underwent painful hand surgery. But we […]
By Jerry Zezima Being a grandfather can be magical — as long as you don’t end up in jail. That’s the lesson I learned recently when my wife, Sue, and I got together with our five grandchildren and their parents for a week in which I assisted in science experiments performed with a magic wand, […]
By Jerry Zezima According to statistics that must be true or I wouldn’t have made them up, 87 percent of grandfathers couldn’t pass a third-grade math test. This is shocking because it represents almost half the grandpa population. Unfortunately, I am in this group because I recently got taken to school by my 8-year-old granddaughter, […]
By Jerry Zezima My orthodontist is a gem. That’s why he suggested I buy an ultrasonic retainer cleaner that my wife can wash her jewelry in. I got retainers several years ago when I decided to go straight, not because I was a crooked jewel thief, but because two of my teeth were crooked and […]
By Jerry Zezima When you get to be a certain age — in my case, old — you tend to run hot and cold, which not only is true but also rhymes. The reason is that no matter what the temperature is inside or outside, it’s either too hot or too cold. That is why […]
By Jerry Zezima Since I am in the holiday spirit (and, having just consumed a mug of hot toddy, a glass of eggnog and a nip of cheer, the holiday spirits are in me), I have decided to follow in that great tradition of boring everyone silly by writing a Christmas letter. That is why […]
