By Jerry Zezima As a man of many words, not all of which can be used in a family newspaper, I am delighted to announce that our special guest today is Prof. Ludwig Lingo, the noted linguistics expert and an ardent fighter of crimes against the English language. JZ: Welcome, Prof. Lingo. What’s the good […]
By Jerry Zezima Something fishy is going on in my family. And it involves, for approximately the hundredth time, a dead fish. The latest fine finny friend to go belly-up was Igor, a blue boy betta who belonged to two of my granddaughters, which made him, I guess, my grandfish. But not to worry: There’s […]
By Jerry Zezima I’m the very model of the modern marching man. And I am determined to put one foot in front of the other until I walk headlong into a wall. But I can’t say the same for the vast majority of walkers who don’t seem to know where they are going, usually while […]
By Jerry Zezima With apologies to Mick Jagger, my kidneys have produced more rolling stones than he’s ever had. That’s why I got satisfaction from a radiology report showing that my career as a rock star could mercifully be over. On orders from my urologist, who must feel like a miner because he has excavated […]
By Jerry Zezima I’m a guy who likes to travel the world. Unfortunately, I can do so only if I sit in front of the TV and watch celebrities like Stanley Tucci eat and drink their way through Italy and other exotic lands while the most thrilling places I visit are Home Depot and Costco. […]
By Jerry Zezima If Alexander Graham Bell, who is credited with patenting the first telephone, were alive today, he’d be: (a) On hold. (b) Getting relentless calls about his car’s extended warranty. (c) Convinced that my new smartphone has a dumb owner. The correct answer is: (d) All of the above. At least Bell has […]
By Jerry Zezima When you break a tooth that you’ve already had a root canal on, you root for your dentist to get to the root of the problem. That’s what Dr. Anthony Fazio did on one of my molars, which he expertly repaired during a two-part procedure that was, I am happy to report, […]
By Jerry Zezima Thanks to the wonderful values instilled in me at Saint Michael’s College in Colchester, Vermont, where I graduated magna cum lager, I do not (as yet) have a criminal record. But I do have a happy marriage because my wife, Sue, also went to St. Mike’s and recently accompanied me to our […]
By Jerry Zezima If a shampoo were ever named after me, which would work everyone else into a lather, it would be called Empty Head & Shoulders. That’s because I have more gray matter on the outside of my head than I do on the inside. My barber, Maria Santos, knows this and has not […]
By Jerry Zezima As chairman of the bored in my house, a responsibility I take sitting down, I am thrilled to announce that I have a new chair in my office. My only worry is that, as with all the other chairs I have ever had, I will lose possession of this one to either […]
