By Jerry Zezima Because I am a geezer with a heart condition, I’m not ashamed to admit that when it comes to shoveling snow, I am also a wuss, which stands for “wait until spring starts.” To compound matters, I was born during a blizzard and have been perpetrating snow jobs ever since. So in […]
By Jerry Zezima I wouldn’t be barking up the wrong clothes tree to say that my younger daughter’s dog has a better wardrobe than I do. So do both of my barber’s dogs. It’s enough to make a grown human howl. I became aware of this canine clothing conspiracy about a year ago when my […]
By Jerry Zezima I wouldn’t be barking up the wrong clothes tree to say that my younger daughter’s dog has a better wardrobe than I do. So do both of my barber’s dogs. It’s enough to make a grown human howl. I became aware of this canine clothing conspiracy about a year ago when my […]
By Jerry Zezima I used to think, because I’m a kid at heart, and even more so at head, that I have the maturity level of a 9-year-old. But I don’t think so anymore because a 9-year-old, who happens to be one of my grandchildren, thinks my jokes are stupid. This was made abundantly clear […]
By Jerry Zezima When it comes to household chores, I work for free. And I’m worth every penny. But since I’m on a fixed income, I am thinking of charging for my services. “You don’t do anything,” said my wife, Sue, who is the family banker. “That’s not true,” I replied defensively. “What do you […]
By Jerry Zezima Since I am in the holiday spirit (and, having just consumed a mug of hot toddy, a glass of eggnog and a nip of cheer, the holiday spirits are in me), I have decided to follow in that great tradition of boring everyone silly by writing a Christmas letter. That is why […]
By Jerry Zezima I may not be the chief cook in my house (that would be my wife, Sue, without whom I would have starved to death long ago), but I am the chief bottle washer. And I don’t wash only bottles. I also clean glasses, mugs, cups, saucers, bowls, plates, pots, pans, tongs, whisks, […]
By Jerry Zezima For a double-visionary like me, the daily dilemma is not whether I can’t find my eyeglasses, in which case I would need a pair in order to find them, but why I forgot to bring them upstairs so I can see well enough to write drivel like this. Until a few months […]
By Jerry Zezima I don’t want to toot my own horn — that’s because I can’t play the tuba and tooting is rude, especially at the dinner table — but I have come up with a brilliant way to get rid of all those irritating scammers who call me every day, at all hours, especially […]
By Jerry Zezima I am a human Bigfoot. I am taking the bold step of admitting this for two unsettling reasons: 1. My feet seem to be getting bigger. 2. The most fashionable shoes I own are a brand-new pair of slippers. The alarming increase in the length, width and overall size of my already […]
