I got a letter telling me that we, healthcare professionals and doctors, should not tell people they are going to die. The letter got me thinking about why I believe a person should be told, and also wondering if there are indeed people that don’t want to know.  Let’s start with people that don’t want to […]

Dear Barbara, How can I help my family decide whether to “pull the plug” on my ex-husband? He is on life support machines right now. Also can you give me some advice as to the Death Doula role for pulling the plug?  I don’t know the details of your ex-husband being on life support so […]

Yesterday we put our seventeen year old cat to sleep. Euthanized is the proper term but “put to sleep” has a peaceful feeling and killed has an awful feeling. I work with dying situations all the time, 42 years to be exact. But this was personal, this was our Danger cat. (I know, a totally […]

Most medical professionals will try to keep you alive even though they know they won’t succeed. Because that is what they are taught to do.  Do you want it any other way? Do we want it any other way? Yes. We do, at least I do.  I want the medical profession, the medical model we […]

When I started in hospice, in its beginnings in the late ‘70s, hospice met all end of life care needs. In fact, hospice was the only healthcare service meeting any end of life needs. However, most people had never heard of the concept. Fast forward 40+ years. Hospice is widely known for providing end of […]

Dear Barbara, My father is 95. He has been in pretty good health but has started sleeping a lot in the day and is not eating very much. Is it possible that this may be a sign that the end is near? Your blog says sleeping more and eating less is a sign that relates […]

The sacred moment of death – that is the goal for those of us who work with end of life. Guiding, supporting and teaching those present what is normal in dying and what is not. What is fixable and what is not. What is painful and what is not. What to do and what not […]

How do you tell someone something they don’t want to hear? Very carefully and with compassion in your words. In thinking about the answer to the above question I have two different answers. Those answers depend on who is delivering the information. Physicians: Nobody wants to hear they can’t be fixed, treatment is no longer […]

I’ve been thinking about funerals. Doesn’t everyone? Maybe not. What does a funeral do? It honors the person that has died and brings support and comfort for the living. Funerals are about people coming together, a “send off” kind of gathering and sharing support for the beginning of our grieving journey.  We used to lay […]

Dear Barbara, Working in hospice, I always had a terrible time with —  do I stay in contact with the family after the death? I think staying in contact with a family after the death is a personal practice and option. Most of the time there is another patient and family admitted to our full […]