There is More to Grief Than Anyone Knows

When we talk about Grief, the first thing that often comes to mind is the loss of a loved one.

It’s the most recognized form of loss and just the tip of the iceberg. Grief is vast and complex,  an umbrella under which many different types of loss fall.

Each type brings its own set of challenges and secondary losses, all of which deserve recognition

The Loss of a Loved One
The pain of losing your loved one is profound and can feel insurmountable. Emotions can manifest as tears, numbness, anger, or even relief, and each expression is valid. With the loss of your person; it’s also the loss of the future you envisioned, the routines and rituals you shared, and sometimes, a part of your own identity

The Loss of Self-Identity
Grief can also arise from the loss of self-identity. This type of loss is often less acknowledged and just as significant. Major life changes, Aging, retiring, or experiencing health issues, can lead to a feeling of losing yourself.  You grieve the person you once were, the roles you used to play, and the dreams you had. This can leave you feeling uncertain about your place in the world.

The Loss of a Relationship
The end of a relationship, whether a breakup, divorce, or estrangement, is another form of loss. It’s the loss of companionship, shared dreams, and the future you planned together. This grief is compounded by the loss of the identity you had within that relationship. You may question your worth and struggle to rebuild your life and sense of self.

Pet Loss
For many, pets are beloved family members. The grief experienced from losing a pet is deep and real. Pets provide unconditional love, companionship, and a sense of routine and responsibility. When they pass, we lose a cherished friend and the comfort they brought into our lives. This loss is often minimized by society, but it deserves the same compassion as any other loss.

Divorce
Divorce is a multifaceted loss. It’s not just the end of a marriage, but the end of shared dreams, plans, and often a sense of Security. Divorce can lead to the loss of mutual friends, the family unit as it was known, and financial stability. This can be especially isolating, as it may not receive the same support as other types of loss.

The Loss of a Job
Losing a job can be devastating. It often entails not just the loss of income, but also a loss of purpose, daily structure, and social connections. Our careers can be a significant part of our identity, and losing that can lead to feelings of inadequacy and uncertainty about the future. 

Secondary Losses

Each loss often brings with it a complexity of secondary losses, which can be just as impactful. For example, the death of a loved one might also mean losing your home if you can no longer afford to stay there, or it might mean losing your social circle and friends.

Secondary losses add layers of complexity to the grieving journey and can make healing your heart even more challenging.

There is no one-size-fits-all approach to grief. It’s important to validate all forms of loss and secondary losses. This awareness can help us be more compassionate towards ourselves and others who are grieving.

Compassionate coaches and resources are available for each type of loss, tailored to help you in your unique journey.

For bereaved mothers, whether your loss is recent or from years ago, I am here to support you.  You deserve to be seen, heard and acknowledged.