I often describe this chaotic time as the Age of the Individual, not from a narcissist perspective, although that is certainly climaxing among a certain portion of the population, and this certainly reveals the depth of the wound inflicted by patriarchal systems. But there is a counter movement of deep self-reflection by people aware of needing to navigate the acceleration of the dismantling of old stagnant and unjust systems.

What does this have to do with intimacy? Well, sexuality, arousal, passionate physical touch are all ways creative intelligence works through us to increase Consciousness.

The expansion of consciousness always involves an unleashing of creativity. New ideas of what it means to be human, inventions, perspectives, artistic expression, all these things express the demand by archetypal energies to evolve, and the expansion of consciousness always involves an expansion of love and compassion.

I love one Jungian analyst’s suggestion that the Self (capital S), not our ego self, is the bridge to the Divine, God, nature, the quantum realm, whatever you want to call it. If you think you know God, that is certainly blasphemous, for God is unknowable. God is consciousness and comes to know itself through the unfolding of consciousness itself.

This means that the more we come into relationship with our Self (capital S), the closer we are to that transcendent force. The relationship with Source is not about silly words, rather it is about truly knowing, the root of which is to relate, which requires the body.

Withstanding the vulnerability of coming into deeper relationship with your Self prepares you for connecting more deeply with another human being, including a romantic partner. Rather than being needy of a partner’s affection, the depth of relationship with yourself invites your partner to match your vulnerability. The two of you become a vessel for creative intelligence to mix with each of you to unleash something new into the world.  

There’s so much more to intimacy that you realize and the key to experiencing new heights of ecstasy and depths of meaning is to begin with self-intimacy.

Read on to guide yourself in a meditation or . . .

Click here to listen to my Self-Intimacy guided meditation on Dose of Depth podcast.

Click here to listen and view on YouTube.

It should be about fifteen minutes.

Let’s get started . . .

Step #1 – Settling In

First, take time to choose a space where you can relax and feel vulnerable and where you won’t be interrupted for about fifteen minutes. You can sit in a chair or lay down in bed. You can remain dressed or remove your clothing on top or on the bottom and cover up under a blanket. You can do this alone or with a partner, but you might want to do it alone first. I call this Exercise no-sex sex.

I also recommend approaching this Meditation as a sacred act, which means feeling proper reverence and humility for the creative intelligence that seeks to mix with our unique experience of being human. I know . . . this sounds spiritual, but I promise that humbling yourself to the archetypal energies of sexuality and spirituality is what will lead to mind-blowing experiences of connection, pleasure, liberation, and even bliss.

If you feel comfortable closing your eyes, go ahead and close them and then just be.

Now, notice what you notice. For me these initial moments catch my mind off guard, and I feel liberated for a few seconds. You might notice the temperature around you, or that you’re melting into the chair or bed. You might feel heavy in a good way or light and maybe even dissipating into the air around you. You might feel super relaxed or anxious.

It’s all good. Just notice what you notice without judgement.

Step #2 – Relating to Your Breath

We’re going to start with breath. Did you know that the root of psychology is breath and Soul? Not the silly brain. Notice your natural rhythm of breathing.

Does your inhale stop at your chest, or does it flow down into the belly, the Sacral Chakra, the place of emotions, Relationships, sexuality, and spirituality?

Just notice and then allow each inhale to reach deeper and deeper into your belly. Chest breathing puts you at risk for high blood pressure and heart disease. Like I said, breath is life.

Notice your relationship to your breath. Have you ever really, really noticed your breath before.

That’s just the inhale. Now, as your inhales deepen into your belly, hold your breath at the top of the inhale, and allow your exhale to be whatever your body wants it to be.

Exhale out your mouth. Your exhales might be intense and noisy because we naturally walk around trying to be in control of things. Allowing a big noisy breath is detoxifying.

As you continue to inhale and hold, now begin to extend your exhales, and involve your throat muscle, as if you’re sighing. It’s like the opposite of holding your breath underwater, more like you’ve got just one breath to blow up a balloon as big as possible. Conserve all that inhale and let it out a little bit at a time and then keep exhaling until you can’t get another drop of breath out. You’ll feel your belly sucking in. And then hold it, which will force an even deeper inhale.

Your breathing might sound like . . . inhaling for four, holding, exhaling for eight, ten or even twelve, sighing it out, and then holding, which will prompt an even deeper inhale.

This is a breathing technique that the Navy Seals use to reset their parasympathetic nervous system during times of intense Stress. So, now you’ve got a tool to use whenever you want.

Step #3 – Checking in with the Mind

Next, we’re going to check in with the mind. Research says that we have about sixty thousand thoughts a day – 75% are negative and 95% are repetitive. We don’t even know what we’re thinking most of the time, but these thoughts have an impact on our mental, physical and emotional wellbeing. It’s often these thoughts that cause us to feel there is a glass ceiling holding us back when we want to expand our lives.

Now, allow your imagination to take you to a creek. You’re standing in front of the creek. It might be a bubbling brook, or it might be a rushing river. Look down at your feet and notice if you’re wearing shoes or you’re barefoot. What are you wearing? Hiking clothes or a white flowing dress? Or maybe you’re naked. Just allow your imagination to do its thing.

Look around until you find a tree. It’s such a great symbol of connecting the mind and body through Soul. Maybe it’s autumn and leaves are falling or maybe it’s summer and flower petals are dropping, or maybe you can see light fluffy clouds passing by. Don’t try to stop your thoughts. That’s impossible. Just allow them to pass by or drop from that tree into the river.

When you notice a thought, just imagine writing it onto a leaf or flower petal or a cloud. You’re not your thoughts or emotions. You have them, but they are not you.

So, just become the observer of your thoughts. Wonder about them, be curious about them, but don’t judge them.

Step #4 – Exploring Your Relationship with Intimacy

Now, let’s come back to the body and breath.

When I say intimacy, what happens? What emotions arise? Is there an area of your body that feels energized or heavy or even numb?

Or maybe it’s your whole body or different parts of your body where you sense concentrated energy.

The energy could feel heavy with a touch of shame, or the energy could feel liberating and light.

Now, wonder about intimacy. What does it even mean to be intimate with yourself? I don’t think the dictionaries even get close to the true meaning of intimacy. Looking it up was disappointing.

I do love this definition though:

The word intimacy is derived from the Latin intimus, meaning inner or inmost. To be intimate with another is to have access to, and to comprehend, their inmost character. In most Romance languages the root word for intimate refers to the interior and inmost quality of a person.

Do you have access to your own inner characters? I think that’s a great question. All my clients are consciously seeking deeper relationship with their inner being, or inner characters, there are many, and when they get close, they might be overcome with feelings of liberation, excitement or arousal, and even suddenly unleash creatively or find a new sense of purpose. That is what happens when you experience true intimacy with yourself or another human being, because you have crossed the bridge to what transcends you.

Back to your body. When I say intimacy and self-intimacy, what images come up, or emotions, or memories? As you wonder about intimacy, is there a place in your body where your relationship with intimacy lives? Whether it’s a good relationship or bad?

Take one of your hands and touch this area of your body. If it’s your chest, your Heart Chakra, place the palm of your hand onto your skin and keep it there for a bit. You might eventually feel that this is not your hand but the hand of some other presence. Wonder about that. Is this the hand of your Self? Could it be the hand of God? Does this make you feel anxious or affirmed?

Linger in whatever is happening. There might be tears and it is important that you allow them. Here’s my lecture on big cries. Psychologically, tears release actual chemical toxins and tears also indicate soul ma king.The tears might lead to an amazing new insight about yourself.

It might be your belly that craves the touch and acceptance, so touch your belly. The belly is a difficult area for especially women because this is where centuries of oppression are remembered. Unfortunately, these fears are re-emerging in the face of renewed efforts to control women’s bodies and ultimately their capacity for self-determination. Please understand that those who seek to oppress women’s bodies are deeply fearful of the power over life and death by the feminine (including the feminine within them). It’s not just women for whom the Sacral Chakra needs healing.

Step #5 – Connecting More Deeply with Your Body

You might imagine taking an elevator down to the belly (or another area of the body), stepping out and allowing your imagination to bring you some images, emotions, and new insights. Take time to follow your imagination . . .

If you’re ready for more, begin exploring your body in whatever way wants to happen. You might put your hand in the space between your legs. It’s so hot right there. What is that heat about? Just lay your hand on your body or caress your body. Linger in whatever emotions you’re feeling.

If you’re feeling pleasure and getting aroused, how does that feel? Are you able to relax into that pleasure? If you are relaxing into pleasure, resist the temptation to rush to orgasm. Sustaining your arousal and pleasure without needing an outcomes is the task at hand. Just be in the space of heat and arousal and allow more images to come up. Wonder about them.

What are the images or memories? Allow your imagination to bring you what it thinks you need in this moment. If the images that come up are in your body, ask them if they might move out of your body so you can see them more clearly and understand what they’re trying to tell you.

You might have a conversation with these images or emotions. At this point, you might feel intense arousal, sustained arousal that’s maybe new for you. Linger in the arousal, what it means. What does the arousal want from you?

At this point, allow your imagination, intuition, emotions to guide you. Do not force or stop anything. You might want to stop this recording if you want to linger.

Step #6 – Reflect, Journal, Take a Walk 

Otherwise, if this is a good place to come out and open your eyes, go ahead. Take a couple deep breaths.

Journaling about your experience will be helpful, but it’s difficult to get people to journal because it is a form of self-intimacy.

See what you’re feeling and process however you like. Go take a walk, draw in your image journal, put on some loud music and dance.

Allow the experience to work on you over the next week and see what you see that you don’t normally notice.

I hope you enjoyed this guided meditation about self-intimacy. If you did, please be sure to like, rate, share and consider being a supporter so I can offer more helpful free content like this.

Click here to find out how to become a financial supporter of my work for $5 monthly.

Thank You!

For being brave enough to self-reflect

Click here to subscribe to receive links to more free content

Give a shoutout to Jessica Felicio for the beautiful black and white photo of the couple

Originally Published on https://www.deborahlukovich.com/blog/

Deborah Lukovich, PhD Depth Psychology Coach, Author, Podcaster & Blogger

Deborah Lukovich, PhD, is depth psychology coach, author, blogger, podcaster, and YouTuber, all ways she overshares her crazy midlife adventures and creates space for others to find deeper meaning in their own. She loves engaging with thousands of Twitter followers too.

She holds a M.A. and PhD in Depth Psychology with a specialization in Jungian and Archetypal Studies. Through coaching, writing, and conversation, Deborah is on a mission to empower people with a framework for self-reflection focused on learning the language of the unconscious, through which the Soul reveals clues about our deepest desires.

She describes herself as an accidentally funny, awkward depth psychology nerd who is addicted to finding meaning in ordinary life events, and over-shares to encourage others to explore the deeper meaning of their lives.