By Jerry Zezima My wife thinks I drive too fast. Our younger daughter thinks I drive too slow. Since I am neither a white-knuckled NASCAR wannabe nor a little old man who tootles along in the passing lane with his left blinker on, this means I drive just right. And I recently proved it by […]

By Jerry Zezima Inspired by pop legend Neil Sedaka, who is most famous for his 1960 hit song “Calendar Girl,” I love, I love, I love to be a calendar guy, each and every day of the year. And since it’s 2024 already, this can mean only one thing for a geezer like me: Times […]

By Jerry Zezima On Jan. 11, 1954, a date which will live in infancy, I made my grand entrance into the world. I arrived more than three weeks past my due date and have seldom been on time for anything since. On Jan. 11, 2024, the date on which I turned 70, my mother, Rosina, […]

By Jerry Zezima Word of mouth has it that on a pain scale of 1 to 10, the bad tooth that recently made my jaw feel like it had been hit by lightning was a 47. That’s why, far from home and without dental insurance, which only compounded the agony, I needed an emergency root […]

By Jerry Zezima I have never been a visionary — or even, since I have two eyes, a double visionary — but I recently read a newspaper report about driver’s licenses and saw clearly that getting an eye exam is a good way to stay out of jail. According to the story, drivers in New […]

By Jerry Zezima Since I am in the holiday spirit (and, having just consumed a mug of hot toddy, a glass of eggnog and a nip of cheer, the holiday spirits are in me), I have decided to follow in that great tradition of boring everyone silly by writing a Christmas letter. That is why […]

By Jerry Zezima I’ve always wanted to be a legend in my own time, but I don’t wear a watch. And I’d like to be a legend in my own mind, but I don’t have one. So it’s nice to know that I am, at the very least, a legend on my own feet. That’s […]

By Jerry Zezima All my life, I thought I would end up in the gutter. And last week it almost happened. So it’s a good thing I have gutter guards. I got them because leaves, twigs and acorns had clogged the gutters so much that there was barely room for my mind, which was in […]

By Jerry Zezima I have never been a big cheese, even in my own house, but my house is now home to a big cheese — a box of Vermont cheddar — which recently arrived on my doorstep thanks to a lovely lady with big brown eyes, long lashes and a beefy figure. She is […]

By Jerry Zezima I never thought I was hot stuff — especially when I look in the mirror to shave, a reflection that leaves me cold — but I sure am hot stuff now. That’s because I have just tried the world’s hottest sauce. And I can proudly say, with some difficulty due to a […]