By Jerry Zezima All my life, I thought I would end up in the gutter. And last week it almost happened. So it’s a good thing I have gutter guards. I got them because leaves, twigs and acorns had clogged the gutters so much that there was barely room for my mind, which was in […]
By Jerry Zezima I have never been a big cheese, even in my own house, but my house is now home to a big cheese — a box of Vermont cheddar — which recently arrived on my doorstep thanks to a lovely lady with big brown eyes, long lashes and a beefy figure. She is […]
By Jerry Zezima I never thought I was hot stuff — especially when I look in the mirror to shave, a reflection that leaves me cold — but I sure am hot stuff now. That’s because I have just tried the world’s hottest sauce. And I can proudly say, with some difficulty due to a […]
By Jerry Zezima As a baby boomer who was bad at math in high school, I have calculated that 70 is the new 60. Using the new math, 70 is the new 50. And for grandparents, 70 is the new 10. That was the consensus at a fabulous 70th birthday party for members of the […]
By Jerry Zezima I have to brace myself for this, but when it comes to straight teeth and beautiful smiles, my granddaughter and I are bridging generations by wearing braces. Of course, my granddaughter’s smile is much more beautiful than mine, but she recently got metal braces — with pink rubber bands! — to correct […]
By Jerry Zezima An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if I keep eating apples every day, I’ll need a doctor because I am full of apples right up to my — you guessed it — Adam’s apple. I have been consuming the fruits of my labors since my wife, Sue, and I […]
By Jerry Zezima If left to my own devices — the phone, the computer, the washing machine, the dryer, the dishwasher, the house alarm, the microwave, the doorbell camera and even Alexa, the digital voice assistant — I would run them all over with my car because they won’t stop beeping. But then the car […]
By Jerry Zezima If you need a shoulder to cry on, don’t blubber all over mine. I’m crying on my own shoulder these days because I have an injured rotator cuff. This means, unfortunately, that I won’t be able to pitch in the major leagues or make game-winning shots in the NBA. My mother once […]
By Jerry Zezima Even though I can barely make scrambled eggs, which become scrambled when I try to make fried eggs, I am more than just a flash in the pan. That’s why I am celebrating the 25th anniversary of my supreme culinary triumph, a dish called Zezima’s Zesty Ziti Zinger, which not only was […]
By Jerry Zezima Camilla Zezima sleeps with the fishes. Those eternal nappers include the first two Camillas and the countless other fish that have been part of our family, if only briefly, over the years. Camilla III, as she (or he) was dubbed, lasted 12 months and was predeceased by the original Camilla, a female […]
