By Jerry Zezima When a guy tells incredibly stupid jokes during the day and emits window-rattling snores at night, his wife could not be blamed for telling him to keep his mouth shut. That is why my wife, Sue, was thrilled to hear that a respiratory technician told me the same thing. “Keep your mouth […]
By Jerry Zezima I would say that my wife and I have an open door policy in our house, but it takes us so long to leave the premises that we have to close the door or flies will get in. No matter where we are going, either together or separately, we need a list […]
I don’t get no respect. I joined Gambler’s anonymous. They gave me two to one I don’t make it. Rodney Dangerfield According to statistics, it’s a lot easier to get hit by lighting than to win a Lotto jackpot. The good side: You don’t hear from your relatives. Johnny Carson The reason I don’t gamble […]
By Jerry Zezima When it comes to getting a good night’s sleep, no snooze is bad news. At least it is for my wife, Sue, who claims she is often kept awake by my snoring, which she once said makes me sound — this is a direct quote — “like Mount Vesuvius.” “This means,” I […]
By Jerry Zezima Because I’m a guy who likes to be clean and fresh — my wife would raise a stink if I weren’t — I get burned up by showers that leave me cold. That’s what happened one morning when I took a shower in water so absolutely freezing that it could have sent […]
By Jerry Zezima I am a lightheaded homeowner who knows that a house is not a home unless there is something to do. And there always is. That’s why I want to buy — with the approval of the bank, the federal government and, most important, my wife — a lighthouse. I admit that I […]
Free Speech Forecast – September 17, 2025 Inside Edition Good evening, folks. Here’s your First Amendment forecast, brought to you by the Department of Irony and the Bureau of Things We Thought Were Protected.. Today’s outlook: partly cloudy with a 70% chance of selective outrage. Free speech remains technically legal, but only if it’s delivered in […]
Rodney Dangerfield wasn’t exactly your typical leading man. Sweaty, self-deprecating, and always on the losing side of life—he made a career out of being the underdog. But in the 80s comedy Back to School, he gave us more than laughs—he gave us a lesson. Thornton Melon (Dangerfield) is a millionaire who thinks money can buy anything—including […]
If you’re not in the obit, eat breakfast. That’s not just a punchline—it’s a philosophy. Carl Reiner’s 2017 HBO documentary, If You’re Not in the Obit, Eat Breakfast, is a love letter to life after 90, featuring a dazzling cast of nonagenarian legends like Mel Brooks, Dick Van Dyke, Betty White, and Norman Lear, all proving […]
By Jerry Zezima I have 32 pairs of drawers in my drawers. That’s one pair of underwear for every day of the longest months of the year with one pair left over, plus two left over for every day of every month that has 30 days, except February, which has 28, though in leap years […]
