By Jerry Zezima When it comes to getting a good night’s sleep, no snooze is bad news. At least it is for my wife, Sue, who claims she is often kept awake by my snoring, which she once said makes me sound — this is a direct quote — “like Mount Vesuvius.” “This means,” I […]
By Jerry Zezima Because I’m a guy who likes to be clean and fresh — my wife would raise a stink if I weren’t — I get burned up by showers that leave me cold. That’s what happened one morning when I took a shower in water so absolutely freezing that it could have sent […]
By Jerry Zezima I am a lightheaded homeowner who knows that a house is not a home unless there is something to do. And there always is. That’s why I want to buy — with the approval of the bank, the federal government and, most important, my wife — a lighthouse. I admit that I […]
Free Speech Forecast – September 17, 2025 Inside Edition Good evening, folks. Here’s your First Amendment forecast, brought to you by the Department of Irony and the Bureau of Things We Thought Were Protected.. Today’s outlook: partly cloudy with a 70% chance of selective outrage. Free speech remains technically legal, but only if it’s delivered in […]
Rodney Dangerfield wasn’t exactly your typical leading man. Sweaty, self-deprecating, and always on the losing side of life—he made a career out of being the underdog. But in the 80s comedy Back to School, he gave us more than laughs—he gave us a lesson. Thornton Melon (Dangerfield) is a millionaire who thinks money can buy anything—including […]
If you’re not in the obit, eat breakfast. That’s not just a punchline—it’s a philosophy. Carl Reiner’s 2017 HBO documentary, If You’re Not in the Obit, Eat Breakfast, is a love letter to life after 90, featuring a dazzling cast of nonagenarian legends like Mel Brooks, Dick Van Dyke, Betty White, and Norman Lear, all proving […]
By Jerry Zezima I have 32 pairs of drawers in my drawers. That’s one pair of underwear for every day of the longest months of the year with one pair left over, plus two left over for every day of every month that has 30 days, except February, which has 28, though in leap years […]
You’re so old, you remember the Great Pop Star Depression of 2007 when Britney, Lindsay, and Paris were all on the news at the same time. You’re so old, you knew 50 Cent when he was 25 Cent. You’re so old, you remember when a “vinyl collection” was just called “my records.” You’re so old, […]
By Jerry Zezima I have been driving people crazy my whole life. But since I got my driver’s license at the tender age of 16, I have been driving them in my car. That changed recently when I had the rare opportunity to be driven myself. And although I was sitting in the front passenger […]
By Jerry Zezima I have often told my wife that I’m like crabgrass: She can’t get rid of me. Now that we have real crabgrass on our lawn, I’m trying to get rid of it. The problem, according to Vinny, our turf guru, is that I am not spreading fertilizer. “I’ve been spreading it for […]
