By Jerry Zezima When you’re scheduled to have heart surgery, nothing tests your heart more than pre-surgical testing. I have had more tests than I ever had in school. Fortunately, I have passed them all, which is more than I can say for the tests I took during my ignominious academic career, when I regularly […]
By Jerry Zezima If you need open-heart surgery, as I do, the best person to perform it is a plumber. Who also happens to be a cardiovascular and thoracic surgeon. In my case, that would be Dr. John Goncalves, whose impressive credentials qualify him to operate at Home Depot. “I’m a plumber,” the good doctor […]
By Jerry Zezima As much as I appreciate receiving a daily barrage of email pitches for fat removers, teeth aligners, night vision binoculars and other amazing products I can’t possibly live without, I subscribe to the theory that I can’t unsubscribe from stuff to which I never subscribed. That’s the quandary I can’t seem to […]
By Jerry Zezima Ever since my wife, Sue, has been out of commission with an injured hand, which required surgery and has prevented her from performing important tasks like keeping me alive, I have had a whole laundry list of things to do. At the top is — how did you ever guess? — laundry. […]
By Jerry Zezima If it weren’t for my wife, I would have starved to death long ago. If it weren’t for me, we both would have starved — or we would have had to eat out every night for a while — because Sue recently had surgery on her right hand and couldn’t cook. That […]
By Jerry Zezima An apple a day may keep the doctor away, but it won’t keep me away from the doctor. That’s because I have reached an age — the big 7-Oh — where medical appointments have become a major part of my life. I have been making so many trips to see one doctor […]
By Jerry Zezima How many newspaper columnists does it take to change a lightbulb? If the columnist is yours truly, the answer is zero. That’s why, after proving to be too dim to perform this simple task, I gave up and called Kevin the Electrician. Kevin had been over recently to help install our new […]
By Jerry Zezima My 7-year-old grandson wants to be a paleontologist when he grows up. I, his 70-year-old grandfather, have given him a head start because, let’s face it, I’m a fossil. And I know a lot about prehistoric life. That’s why I should be a tour guide at my grandson’s favorite place, the Museum […]
By Jerry Zezima A great many people have told me where to go, but I’m not inclined to listen because it’s hot enough here. Still, the question of where my wife, Sue, and I would go if we sold our house keeps coming up because a great many people have said they want to buy […]
By Jerry Zezima I don’t want to give lip service to elections, one of which is coming up in the fall, but I recently won a contest by a vote so overwhelming that it amounted to much more than a whisker. That’s why, thanks to the support of my grandchildren, who are not too young […]
