KERFLUFFLES!
Each day when I wake up on this side of the grass I search for something colored beautiful with which to decorate my day. I’ve never been disappointed. I highly recommend this practice. It has saved many of my opportunities from circling the bowl.
Today entrepreneur, author, podcaster, and motivational speaker Ed Mylett shared the good stuff.
Maybe you self-sabotage because it allows you to predict the future, to feel like you’re in control.
Ed Mylett
Great thinkers, speakers, and writers offer us a perspective about ourselves in a way that we may have never thought of before. Ed got me thinking about the reasons why I’ve said NO to opportunities, and why, at times, I chose to play it small.
You see, I often insist on being in control. It’s caused more than one kerfluffle in my life!
I believe that if a person is willing to LEARN from their kerfluffles, there is a diamond mine to be discovered within those perceived “fails.”
Over the years I’ve been able to identify and address many of the places in my life where I’ve stepped back and played it small. I’ve realized that as often as I’ve stepped up and claimed my right to run in the race, I’ve spent just as much time arguing for my excuses for why I didn’t run well…or didn’t run at all.
Could it be that we made the calls that still haunt us…the ones that led directly to regret…are because we were simply afraid of doing what it would take to win?
Think of it this way…when we decide to up our game and begin playing on another level, it can be intimidating. The analogy of a big fish in a little pond applies here…when you begin to play on the next level you become a small fish in a much bigger pond and that is a tad freaky. So many questions arise, generally questions about whether you can do it or not.
So you want to compete?
I learned this very well when I began competing in Toastmasters speech contests. I’m not uncomfortable giving a speech, but when you begin to win and advance to the next level of competition that’s when the questions begin arising…is my speech good enough? Should I change it? Should I rewrite it? What if the judges don’t like it…or don’t like the way I present my work? Or just don’t like me, an older woman competing with people sometimes young enough to be my grandchildren? These questions really come into play when you come in second and there are only TWO contestants (it happened to me! HA!!)…or if you don’t place in the contest at all. Dammit, it’s no fun to be a runner-up or worse, an afterthought, but there’s rich learning to be gleaned from being awarded the consolation prize.
The key is to truly understand why you are competing…to admit you enjoy competing because you enjoy winning…to develop a shiny, resilient skin…and to be fearless – not afraid of losing.
My perspective? Consider how you will conduct yourself when you’ve lost. Feel it, embrace it, say…eff it. Then give it your best…because you have nothing to lose…
The best call?
It’s true, sometimes saying NO is the best call…not every opportunity is right for you at this time. Discernment is an art in itself. However, it is a wise practice to thoughtfully consider each opportunity ( I think of it as looking in each open door…and perhaps, even stepping inside to truly get a feel for the environment before we make our exit) and before we say NO, understand what you are actually saying NO to, because it may not be as clear as you think it is.
I had to admit that it was much easier to hunker down and hole up, to act like a gopher who only ventures to the entrance of its den during the light of day to sniff the air. It feels much more comfortable in the shadows because the gopher is always aware that a predator could be lurking around its den, ready to gobble the gopher up.
Apparently gophers, like you, my friend…are quite delicious…
Even though we are not gophers, we often prefer to remain in our safe places, our familiar surroundings because we’re afraid of what could be waiting for us if we take a step beyond.
I’m a homebody…I’m an introvert. How often do we describe ourselves this way when, in real life, we’re scared shitless of what could happen?
We stick to the slow lane – everyone who drives slower than we do is an idiot and everyone who drives faster than we do is a maniac, right?; complain about the job we hate – but it pays the bills; resent our relations and Relationships – they treat us like crud, and feel like we’ve gotten a raw deal when it comes to life circumstances – I guess I’m just unlucky.
When yet another opportunity passes by we announce that it passed us by…as if it was out of our hands…as if we are a victim of this opportunity.
We may say…I didn’t want that anyway. When someone else does the thing, we may congratulate them saying, You’re really lucky (often meaning, you’re lucky that you don’t have my problems).
You know what? You’d be right, but not for the reasons you’re willing to declare in public.
Not if you’re honest with yourself.
I’m writing from experience here!
There are times when common sense and self-preservation dictate that we say NO. There are times when we need to prepare to accept that particular challenge and you truly aren’t ready to take that stage. There are times in your life when you already have a full dance card and you can’t take on any more, even if it’s an awesome opportunity.
It’s wise to keep in mind that even if you live to be 110, life is short in the grand scheme of things. Only you know if your reasons are legit or if you are allowing your fear of the unknown to sabotage what could be an opportunity that may come around only once in your lifetime.
If you are one of the ones who declares it can’t be done, be courageous enough to change lanes with elegance, and allow the ones who are actually doing it to pass you by.
I know this from experience as well…you won’t be alone…your kerfluffles will move over with you.
It pays to be fierce, determined, and disciplined. Agreed?
Carpe Diem.
Originally Published on https://akasha111blog.wordpress.com/
