Stunning Climate Change News: Part Two
Some of you may recall my having published a post two weeks called, “Stunning Climate Change News”, in which I shared an alarming portent from The Washington Post that autumn would bring cooler temperatures to parts of the United States. Those cooling temperatures have nothing to do with the weather, of course. Rather, they’re entirely attributable to anthropogenic climate change. To cope with the thermal dips attributable to climate change, people in the affected areas are encouraged to wear heavier clothing. As it turns out, along with our outerwear, the plot is also thickening.
On Friday of last week, CRAP issued this press announcement:
CRAP Colludes with Winter Wear Industry
A portion of all garment sales will go to CRAP green-energy subsidies.
Washington, DC —(September 27, 2024)— The United States Climate Rigging Authority Panel (CRAP), under the authority of the Biden/Harris administration, has entered into a collusive agreement with the U.S. winter-wear industry to further pad green-energy subsidies.
“I grew up in a middle-class family,” said Vice President Kamala Harris. “I know what it’s like to want government handouts. This partnership will help ensure climate charlatans who want subsidies for their projects will get them.”
Under the terms of the partnership, the winter-wear industry will fork over 40 percent of its gross revenues to fund subsidies for solar farms, wind farms, EVs, carbon-neutrality, and other initiatives that will save the planet by killing it. On the plus side, it will also destroy economies, along with marine and avian life.
President Biden, who was at the beach, or in his basement, or wandering around aimlessly somewhere couldn’t be reached for comment.
About CRAP
The Climate-Rigging Authority Panel is an NGO that helps fleece taxpayers to provide open-ended funding for dead-end projects that will make people feel good while enriching the frauds who initiate the projects. For more information, visit crap.us, email info@crap.us, or call 866-ITS-CRAP.
Media Contact:
Albert Murfwhiffle
866-ITS-CRAP
bigal@crap.us
How Do You Like Them Apples?
At a press conference conducted to coincide with the announcement, the Vice President was asked what would happen when anthropogenic climate change caused the weather to turn warmer again.
“Well,” she said. “Because I grew up in a middle-class family and Tim Walz and I own guns, we’re working on a deal with beachwear companies and manufacturers of cosmetics and suntan products that contain sunscreen to get a kickba … uh … revenue-sharing arrangement. Ya know, when it comes to down to the fact that man-made climate change is also causing the changing of the seasons, it’s all about the passage of time, the significance of the passage of time.”
Anna Falaxis from WWTF News said, “Madame Vice President, when you say something that vapid, raise your hands and your eyebrows, look at us, and nod your head, what are we supposed to do? We still have no idea what the hell you’re talking about.”
“I’m so glad you asked,” said Vice President Harris, “because misery loves company. But right now, I have to imagine what can be by trying to find the President. And I have to be unburdened by what has been because last time I went looking for him I found him hiding behind some bushes in the Rose Garden, wearing his pajamas, and peeing in his shoe. If I hadn’t found him, he would have been out there till anthropogenic climate change kicked in and he froze to death — or he died from heat Stroke — depending on the season. And don’t forget: When you buy clothing or cosmetics, make sure it has the CRAP label.”
I’m sure we’re all warmed by that.
Originally Published on https://www.bizcatalyst360.com/category/lifecolumns/notes-to-self/
