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The Nagging of “Shoulds”

Have you ever found yourself caught in the relentless grip of self-criticism? That nagging voice in your head constantly shouting words of doubt and discouragement. You’re not alone. Maybe you’ve asked yourself, “What if I had..”

It’s a question many of us grapple with, especially when we’re grieving.

Grief has a way of affecting our thoughts telling us what we “should or shouldn’t have done. It shames us into believing we have control over the situation and could have done things differently.

This can lead to making us feel insecure and unsure about ourselves. It’s like we’re surrounded by negative thoughts that make us doubt everything we do. “You’re not good enough,” it sneers. “You never should have…” Ouch. It’s all too easy to enter the rabbit hole of self-criticism. But here’s the thing: That voice? It’s not the voice of truth. It’s the voice of fear, Anxiety, and self-doubt. But you don’t have to let those thoughts control you.

So, how do you silence this relentless critic? When self-doubt creeps in, pause and ask yourself: Are these thoughts rooted in reality, or are they distorted by the lens of guilt and regret? Is grief making these thoughts seem worse than they are?

Instead of berating yourself, try saying kind things to yourself. Remind yourself that you’re worthy. You have people who love and support you, even when things are at their darkest. What if you treated yourself with the same kindness you offer to others?

Imagine the weight lifted as you start to show yourself the compassion and kindness you deserve. By embracing self-compassion, you begin to find moments of peace amidst the pain. You don’t have to navigate this journey alone; there is a path to gentleness and grace, even in the midst of grief.

In the aftermath of loss, your inner critic may whisper cruel reminders of perceived failures and shortcomings. It may even blame you for not preventing the loss or for not handling your grief in a certain way. Yet, grief is not a reflection of inadequacy; it is a testament to the depth of your love and connection.

Even when everything feels like it’s falling apart, you can be kind to yourself. It’s like being a friend when you need it most. Can you imagine what it would be like to offer yourself the same compassion you so freely give to others?

By embracing self-compassion, you acknowledge your humanity, with all its vulnerabilities and are choosing empowerment. This gentle acceptance is the first step towards healing and reclaiming your inner peace.

 

 

Maria Belanic Grief and Mental Wellness Coach

Maria Belanic is a Grief and Mental Wellness Coach who has made her purpose to be a disruptor in shifting the conversation around grief. Maria supports individuals in their grief journey with the awareness that there is no need to "be fixed" or "get over it.

It's not about forcing yourself to move on, but rather about discovering a path that is suitable for you to move forward when you feel ready. Maria is the creator of the 5 Pillar of Care framework which includes accepting self-compassion, releasing blame and shame, and tuning into your intuition. Grief can impact all aspects of your life, affecting the connection between your body, mind, and soul.

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