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Photo by Олег Мороз on Unsplash A Listening Heart Active listening, compassionate listening, empathic listening, listening to understand, listening with the third ear, divine listening. These…

Photo by Олег М…

Photo by Олег Мороз on Unsplash A Listening Heart Active listening, compassionate listening, empathic listening, listening to understand, listening with the third ear, divine listening. These are all descriptions of the kind of high quality listening that can transform a conflict. A listening heart I just learned a lovely expression, a listening heart, from the Hebrew lev shomea. In a biblical story, instead of asking for riches, Solomon asks for a listening heart, or a heart that hears, knowing that would help him the most to become a good ruler. How can a listening heart help you ge…

Photo by Abenezer Shewaga on Unsplash Having a Better Conversation–even with a “demon” How can you have a better conversation, even when the topic or the person is difficult? Some key components…

Photo by Abenezer Sh…

Photo by Abenezer Shewaga on Unsplash Having a Better Conversation–even with a “demon” How can you have a better conversation, even when the topic or the person is difficult? Some key components I model and share with my clients and students are: compassionate listening, asking curious non- judgmental questions about their story, and kindness. Chatting with a “demon” Recently I saw a clip from the TV show Ted, which demonstrated these aspects in a skillful and hilarious way. The scene takes place in a live action fantasy world of dungeons and dragons. Susan, a housewife from Framingh…

collage by Lorraine Segal Conflict Remedy Conflict Skills Ruined my TV Watching I am incredibly grateful for the conflict transformation skills I’ve acquired and the intuitions I have honed, that he…

collage by Lorraine …

collage by Lorraine Segal Conflict Remedy Conflict Skills Ruined my TV Watching I am incredibly grateful for the conflict transformation skills I’ve acquired and the intuitions I have honed, that help me and my clients navigate difficult conversations, resolve disagreements, and clear up misunderstandings much more effectively and gracefully. But an unintended consequence is that it has ruined my ability to enjoy many TV shows and novels! Murder as the only solution they can see. A lot of murders in crime shows, at least on TV, happen because people are angry, or holding on to bitter grudges…

Just the Right Amount of Genius Being on a work team of extremely smart, motivated, creative people sounds ideal, right? But if it isn’t carefully managed, it could be a recipe for disaster instead.…

Just the Right Amoun…

Just the Right Amount of Genius Being on a work team of extremely smart, motivated, creative people sounds ideal, right? But if it isn’t carefully managed, it could be a recipe for disaster instead. Conflict overwhelms genius A recent article in the New York Times reported that Meta put together a dream team of the brightest minds in Artificial Intelligence work. And, the group was a total failure—filled with conflict, rampant jealousy, backstabbing, and huge ego clashes that prevented them from accomplishing much of anything. Saved by emotional intelligence! What really makes for a creati…

Collage by Lorraine Segal ConflictRemedy.com Jane Austen and the Power of a Different Story Stories have power. Whether it is a story we are telling ourselves, or the story of Pride and Prejudice, sto…

Collage by Lorraine …

Collage by Lorraine Segal ConflictRemedy.com Jane Austen and the Power of a Different Story Stories have power. Whether it is a story we are telling ourselves, or the story of Pride and Prejudice, stories can educate, entertain, or transform. Story is a key concept in the conflict transformation work I do with clients. My clients learn to express their own story about a conflict. They come to understand that theirs is one story, which feels true to them , but it is not the only possible story. Ever so gently, I encourage them to understand that the other person in the conflict has a different …

Photo by SEO Galaxy on Unsplash Hidden Resentments at Work? As humans, we are full of feelings at work as well as in our personal lives. But if we ignore these feelings or attempt to push them down, e…

Photo by SEO Galaxy …

Photo by SEO Galaxy on Unsplash Hidden Resentments at Work? As humans, we are full of feelings at work as well as in our personal lives. But if we ignore these feelings or attempt to push them down, especially negative ones, they will leak out sideways with generally detrimental consequences. I found a great example of how this can play out in a delightful novel called, I Hope This Finds You Well by Natalie Sue. As the story begins, Jolene is filled with rage and resentment. She hates her office job. She is isolated and feels underappreciated and has been passed over for promotion several time…

Choosing the Light of Hope Christmas, Hanukah, Kwanza, Diwali, Solstice—what do these holidays from different religious and cultural traditions have in common?  They all take place in the darkest p…

Choosing the Light o…

Choosing the Light of Hope Christmas, Hanukah, Kwanza, Diwali, Solstice—what do these holidays from different religious and cultural traditions have in common?  They all take place in the darkest part of the year, and they all bring light in their rituals. The return of the light The long dark winter was frightening to many of our ancestors, and having a celebration that honored, among other things, the return of the light and the beginning of the end of darkness was comforting. We need this assurance just as much today. There is so much out in the world and inside us right now that pulls u…

Photo by Pratik Prasad on Unsplash Employer Ghosting and Difficult Conversations Have you ever applied for a job, gone through a seemingly successful multiple stage interview process, and then never h…

Photo by Pratik Pras…

Photo by Pratik Prasad on Unsplash Employer Ghosting and Difficult Conversations Have you ever applied for a job, gone through a seemingly successful multiple stage interview process, and then never heard back? I have, and it felt awful. And I know I’m not the only one who has experienced this. Employer ghosting, as it is called, is far too common, despite its adverse impact on applicants and employers. I read an article about this recently by Michelle Singletary, one of my favorite syndicated Columnists, who writes about financial and Employment issues, which resonated because of my experie…

Graphic by L. Segal ConflictRemedy Exclamation marks are OK at work! Do you hesitate before using exclamation marks in workplace writings? Women, much more than men, fear that using exclamation marks …

Graphic by L. Segal …

Graphic by L. Segal ConflictRemedy Exclamation marks are OK at work! Do you hesitate before using exclamation marks in workplace writings? Women, much more than men, fear that using exclamation marks will make them seem unprofessional. A team of researchers did a series of studies and found that women do indeed use exclamation marks more than men, but, surprisingly, this usage was not viewed negatively. On the contrary, a use of exclamation marks was viewed as warm and positive and did not affect perceived competence of the user. The Agony! However, the researchers found that women Stress and …

Photo by Kamakshi subramani on Unsplash Reframing Accusations When one of your colleagues or team members, takes on a commitment, and then doesn’t follow through, it is frustrating! But how do you d…

Photo by Kamakshi su…

Photo by Kamakshi subramani on Unsplash Reframing Accusations When one of your colleagues or team members, takes on a commitment, and then doesn’t follow through, it is frustrating! But how do you deal with it? It is quite human and understandable to be disappointed or angry. Honestly, though, do judgements or accusations help the situation or your work relationship? Not really. Today’s example: A community organization I belong to rotates leadership positions. Someone who has been in the group for a long time offered to step up and be the facilitator for August. The first meeting was Augu…

photo by Lorraine Segal ConflictRemedy Disagree, with Respect Disagreeing about something doesn’t mean you or the other person or the disagreement itself are bad. On the contrary, disagreement and c…

photo by Lorraine Se…

photo by Lorraine Segal ConflictRemedy Disagree, with Respect Disagreeing about something doesn’t mean you or the other person or the disagreement itself are bad. On the contrary, disagreement and conflict are fundamental aspects of human behavior that inevitably manifest in our personal and professional lives. With projects and colleagues at work, and even in politics, disagreement can have a positive creative function to explore different approaches and ideas to solving problems. The key to successful disagreement and conflict starts with respect for others. Why is respect so important? Wi…