The Thanksgiving holiday is a time for family, food, and gratitude. It's also one of the few occasions when many families reunite after months apart. While it's a joyful time, it can also be a crucial moment to assess the well-being of your parents. For adult children, especially those who live far away, this visit may be the only time to see firsthand how their parents are managing daily life.

If you haven’t seen your parents in a while, it’s important to look for red flags that could signal a decline in their health or safety. While it’s natural for older adults to experience some physical or cognitive changes as they age, some signs may indicate the need for extra care or even a transition to senior living.

Red Flags to Watch for During Your Holiday Visit

As you spend time with your parents this Thanksgiving, be mindful of the following changes:

• Changes in personal hygiene– Are they bathing regularly and wearing clean clothes?

• Weight loss or changes in eating habits – Is there spoiled or expired food in the refrigerator or pantry? Are they eating balanced meals?

• Memory lapses or confusion– Do they seem more forgetful, confused, or repetitive in conversations? Do you notice new dings or scratches on their car or garage?

• Difficulty with mobility – Are they struggling to move around safely? Are there new bruises that could suggest falls?

• Finances – are their bills being paid on time? Is there unopened mail on their desk or kitchen table?

• Household disarray – Is the house clean and organized, or is there clutter, or neglected home maintenance?

• Social withdrawal – Do they seem isolated, withdrawn, or uninterested in social activities?

How to Open the Conversation

Noticing these red flags can be alarming, but starting the conversation about care doesn’t have to be. Here are some tips to approach the topic:

1.     Be Compassionate and Observant 

Start by expressing your concern in a loving way. For example, “I’ve noticed you’ve been having trouble keeping up with the house. Is everything okay?” Let them know your intentions are rooted in love and support, not control or from a place of judgment.

2.     Ask About Their Preferences

Ask them about their wishes as they get older. Would they prefer to stay at home with some extra help, or have they ever thought about senior living communities? Engaging in a conversation about their future preferences can give you Clarity on how to support them.

3.     Baby Steps 

If the conversation is difficult, suggest small actions like hiring a house cleaner, getting meals delivered, or having someone come by to check on them. This can help them feel more comfortable and open the door to further discussions.

Planning for the Future: Home Care or Senior Living?

Whether your parents prefer to age in place or are open to the idea of senior living, having a plan in place is essential. Contact an experienced local senior placement agency to help you put together a plan that includes home care services (if appropriate) and senior living communities that fit their needs. A good placement agency can save you a lot of time and Stress with this part of the plan. They know the ins and outs of the senior living communities, and which questions to ask to determine the best fit for your older loved ones. Planning ahead can make future transitions smoother and less stressful for everyone.

The Importance of Knowing Final Wishes

One of the most challenging yet important conversations you can have with your Aging parents is about their final wishes. While it may feel uncomfortable, knowing their preferences for medical care, funeral arrangements, and how they want their affairs handled is a gift to you as their child.

Encourage your parents to have their Estate planning documents in order, including wills, advance directives, and powers of attorney. Assure them that this isn’t about controlling their life or prying into their private matters, but about ensuring that their wishes are respected. When their affairs are organized and clear, it reduces the burden on you during an already emotional time.

Why Planning is a Gift

Many parents fear that discussing end-of-life matters will worry their children or seem too personal. However, having these plans in place is actually one of the most caring gifts they can give. It provides peace of mind and avoids family conflict in times of crisis. It allows you to honor their wishes without second-guessing decisions during difficult moments.

Moving Forward: Embrace the Conversation

As you gather this Thanksgiving, keep in mind that the greatest gift you can give your parents is your support in helping them plan for the future. Whether it’s ensuring they’re safe at home, making the transition to senior living, or knowing their final wishes, these conversations are acts of love.

By being proactive, you’ll create a roadmap that honors their choices and ensures they receive the care and respect they deserve. It’s not about fear—it's about giving them and yourself the peace of mind that comes with preparation.

Originally Published on https://www.loriwilliams-seniorservices.com/

Lori Williams Senior Living Expert & Host of the Podcast, Aging in Style

Owner/Founder of Lori Williams - Senior Services. I’ve worked in senior living for over 16 years. My passion for learning all I could about aging, dementia and resources for older adults was inspired by my grandmother who was diagnosed with dementia in 1994. I am also the creator and host of the podcast, Aging in Style. The purpose of the podcast is to educate on all things senior related and to share stories of inspirational seniors.

I have a degree in Marketing from LSU, and I am a Certified Senior Advisor and a Certified Dementia Practitioner.