15 Tips to Redefine, Rejuvenate, Reinvent your Fabulous after Fifty life
My top 15 tips to Redefine, Rejuvenate, Reinvent your FABULOUS AFTER FIFTY Life
1. Connect to yourself:
Every day when you wake up, take as little as a few minutes to check in with yourself. We tend to live busy lives and only become aware of our own body when it hurts, of our own mind when we get stressed and our own spirituality when we feel lost, helpless.
Maybe you just ask yourself, how am I right now? What do I need today to feel great? Or you can use mindfulness and just stop and focus without judgement (like letting the snow settle in those glass balls). Maybe you write in a journal, maybe you swim in the sea and wash away all previous frustrations/pains/fears so you can start each day afresh (shower works too, especially cold), maybe you just run your hands over your body, connecting with every part of you with love and gratitude.
Create a little ritual that sets you up for the day and commit to it. Then, you are ready to take on whatever the day will bring.
2. Know yourself
One big advantage of being over Fifty is that usually we are starting to see who we actually are. Who are you under the layers of conditioning? Of people-pleasing? Not who others think you are or who you think you should be to be loved, to be accepted, but the true to the core Maybe think back to childhood and remember the little girl in all her innocence and joy before disappointment, hurt, fear. What sort of a person was she? What did she like doing best? She is still there in you. Acknowledge her and give her room in your life to claim her space.
When we know ourselves, we can be authentic, and that uniqueness attracts people to us. It was always said that the highest human frequency was Love but it now appears that it is in fact Authenticity, truly owning all of who you are and living it.
3. Love yourself
How can anyone else love you if you do not love yourself? We (in particular women) are so harsh with ourselves and often lock ourselves in a spiral of “not good enough” and self- reproach which makes us feel unworthy and clouds our radiance. Be aware of your inner dialogue, are you encouraging yourself or dragging yourself down?
Forgive yourself for whatever you now feel you could have done otherwise; accept we make decisions with the best knowledge we have at the time.
Love all of yourself. Physically too, the wrinkles, the sagginess, they are signs you have lived. Be proud of them. A bit of extra padding? Yes, hormones and Menopause do not help but that is what comes with all our fertile years, the children you may have birthed and just the fact we are goddesses. Change what you can (maybe you need to re-think your calorie in-take, our metabolisms change) and embrace the rest, don’t sweat the small stuff. Look after that body of yours and thank it for having taken you places and made it this far. Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror and told yourself: I love you? (Feels very weird the first time). Prove it in whichever way feels good to you…maybe a day at the spa or merely a bath and a nourishing body lotion… Accept yourself as the amazing, imperfect being you are.
4. Take responsibility!
In other words, “own your shit”. Too often we go through life blaming others, the world, the weather etc. for what happens to us. This costs vital energy we could put to better use elsewhere. True we do not decide or want many things that happen to us, but we can decide what we make it mean, what it makes us believe about ourselves. Don’t settle for the victim mindset. Yes, it attracts sympathy sometimes, but it also leaves us feeling small, helpless. Some look at others and see what they don’t have and put it down to luck or to being born under a brighter star. The truth is you are responsible for your life and your happiness. No one else is. Sure, other people can add to our happiness and sense of fulfillment, but the responsibility is ours. What are you hiding behind? Who are you blaming for things which did not turn out as you wished? Which feelings have you buried deep below but now and then trigger you and seem to be running the show in the background? Own the good and the bad, it is liberating. Everything that happens to us gives us feedback, teaches us something and makes us stronger.
5. Let go
I touched on it before, both under ‘taking responsibility’ and ‘self-love’ but this is such a biggie it deserves a heading of its own. I never cease to wonder at the enormous amount of baggage we drag behind us. Resentment for wrongs we feel have been done to us, past Grief, fears and self- doubt due to how we interpreted past experiences or what others have said to us, things we wish we had said, things we wish we had not said, the feeling life has flown by and it is too late to change…rubbish. It is now or never. Time to resolve or let go of all that does not serve us right now. Of all that does not help us shine, radiate and fully be all of who we are here to be. Things happen but they do not make us who we are, we do. Time to drop the heaviness and truly shine! Time to bust that black cloud which dampens your spirits so your natural light can radiate out surrounding you and all those around you in warmth and luminosity. If not now, when? What can you change in your life? What would have the biggest impact? Know that you have all the resources you need already within you. You just need to ask for them. What one thing can you commit to changing this week?
6. View life as an adventure
If you were to view your life as an adventure, what title would you give it? There is so much joy for us to experience out there! What sort of mindset do you have? I believe in curiosity, in hope, in waking everyday wondering what adventure may be just around the corner. Maybe now is the time to look at all the rules and regulations we have often imposed on ourselves during our lives concerning what we do and how we behave. All these keep us small in our thinking and constrained. Usually, at this age we are thankfully less egocentric and more aware of the big picture. We judge less and are more open to differences. Instead of condemning as “ridiculous” anything said, done, believed that is different to us, we add in a touch of “how interesting that you see things that way, tell me more”. If your life were the title of a book, what would it be? And if you do not like it, what would you like it to be and then set out living it! The only thing holding you back is you! What are you curious about? How do you react to differences in personalities? If you were the heroin of an adventure story, how would you react? Try it, just for the fun of it and who knows, it might stick!
7.Surround yourself with uplifting people
That does not mean false positive people, that means true people but who live real imperfect lives, do not dwell in the gloom of unpleasant experiences but forge on having learnt something new. People who also believe in making the most of their lives. Do the people around you drain you? Give you energy? Pay some attention to how you feel after discussions/or being with some of the people round you. I am not suggesting you turn your back on family or friends, but you can choose how much time you spend with them. Our environment is crucial, it can hold us back, keep us small (even with the best of intentions) or it can expand us, encourage us, inspire us. The good thing nowadays is that even if we do not have such people in our immediate physical environment, we can connect with such groups online and it really helps!
8 .Learn something new every year
We are not perished goods after 50. Nowadays we can easily live to 90 and more. What else have you always wanted to try? To learn? As Gandhi days, “live as if today was your last day and learn like you will live forever”. What have you always wanted to learn? It can be simple things, a hobby, a language, a sport and there are so many free courses online! It can also be learning to surf or dance tango! Go for it!
9. Connect to nature, to the larger good
We often feel small and helpless, maybe alone, misunderstood. Personally, I find it incredibly comforting to spend time in nature. If you are lucky to live by the sea, or near a forest or fields that is wonderful. If not, you can always find a patch of nature, even in the busiest of cities. If possible, sit, truly look, listen, smell, feel. Feel part of the big picture, connect to something which goes back to the beginning of time, which has endured and adapted and know there is Wisdom, beauty, inspiration there for us all.
10. Exercise
Exercise too is a non-negotiable for me. That means different things to different people. Maybe you jog, maybe you stroll, maybe you swim or cycle. Maybe you go to the gym or a class or do an online class at home. There is so much out there. As long as you feel your body, offer it some resistance to work against. Yoga and Pilates are wonderful for developing or maintaining the muscles we need, in particular our back, our joints. Oil them through exercise to stop the rust setting in. Often, we feel too tired, but I have never gone ahead and exercised and not felt so much better for it afterwards. Stretches are wonderful to keep flexibility in our joints. Personally, I love a mix. I cannot imagine a day without yoga, even if it is only 10 minutes.
11.Fill your body with goodness
Treat yourself as the Goddess you are, with as much fresh food, fruit and vegetables as possible. Menopause has a tendency to set us off kilter (sort of adolescence in reverse) often making us crave comfort food right when we need to be extra careful. Our gut in particular needs to be healthy so make sure to vary your fruit and vegetables, stay clear of factory based meat and fried food, processed food and white flour.
One other aspect I have so many testimonials about, including my own, is that due to hormonal changes alcohol, our body often starts reacting very differently to alcohol: Anxiety, (more) night sweats, difficulties in sleeping…etc. Play with the right amounts for you.
Drink plenty of water. Apparently, many of our aches and pains and even illnesses can be put down to chronic dehydration. I actually promote state of the art water ionizers which attach to your home tap and through the natural electrical process of ionization, produce Electrolyzed reduced water which is rich in hydrogen and used by many athletes and health adepts around the world. The bliss of knowing you are drinking the best water possible which is clean of pollutants and free radicals and there are even settings to remove pesticides from fruit and veg, a beauty water for your face, three levels of detox etc… If you are curious just drop me a message, drink as much water as you can to stay hydrated and resource yourself. Our bodies need it more than ever.
12.Forgive
The power of forgiveness! So, forgive, in the first case yourself, but also others. Too often we go through life accumulating grievances, some small some large but they affect us, they dim our natural light, they can make us bitter, resentful. There is nothing more liberating than to forgive, it sets you free and you can then release all the negative emotions which were associated with the experience. You can for example write the person a letter, where you cut a tie with that negative energy. Maybe you send it, maybe you don’t, as long as in your heart you have forgiven and let go. Needing more, you can burn the letter feeling all the negative energy go up in smoke or bury it in the earth, letting Mother Nature absorb all those feelings which were holding you down. Who can you forgive?
13. Contribute
One other thing I particularly like with this age is the mixture of usually having more time for ourselves (maybe kids have grown up and flown the coop and career is more stable) so we can really take time to as I said above to “know ourselves”. But also, that we in parallel focus more on the outside, on how we can help, what we can give back to society. Our role in the big picture. You can see that contribution as our mission. For some it can be big, for others less so. Truth is we all have something to contribute from the wisdom, experience we have accumulated in our 50+ years, even merely the fact we have survived so far! This is where we write books, volunteer, teach or merely listen and share with our grandchildren or other younger family members.
Contribution gives us purpose, meaning and to me that is what gets us out of bed in the morning! If you have not yet read Viktor Frankl’s tiny book “ Man’s Search for Meaning” I would very much recommend it. It is one of the books that has marked me the most so far).
I believe we all have a story to share and deserve to be heard, hence my podcast and YouTube channel Fabulous after Fifty ( Podcast – The Kennedy Connection) where I promote women with a story/expertise/wisdom to share. You too are welcome, just reach out! And let me know if you know of a woman doing great things, who deserves to be promoted so she can reach more people with her wisdom and inspiration.
14.Be grateful
Gratitude is everything, it is close to miraculous how being grateful changes everything. Even in the direst moments there is something to be grateful for, be it that you are alive to experience it. We are so quick to only see the bad, which makes us feel hard done by, which lowers our life spirit, which lowers our energy, our frequency and ‘like attracts like’. You get out of bed “on the wrong foot” and before you know it one mishap follows the other as if caused by sod’s law. The reverse is also true: one thing goes well, then another and another and everything seems to just flow with ease. When we are grateful, we limit the downward cycle, we are focusing on something positive which attracts more of the same into our life.
I am a Nichiren Buddhist and we are taught to be in particular grateful for the obstacles on the way as they are what enable us to learn and grow as human beings, each accomplishing our own human revolution.
I make a point of starting my day saying thank you and ending it by naming at least 5 things I am grateful for that day. It makes you lighter, happier. Should you not already have done so I thoroughly recommend getting the book The Magic by Rhonda Byre and doing the 28 days of magic. Life changing. You can also “pay in advance” and say thank you, thank you, thank you for that which you do not yet have but want to manifest in your life.
15. Laugh…a lot, especially at yourself
Another favorite of mine, laughter! And by this, I mean lightness, I mean putting things in perspective, I mean playfulness. We take everything so seriously which makes everything dark, threatening, worrying.
Laughing is life force at its best, it enables us to detach so we can see things better. Laughter, in particular at ourselves, is expressed by our highest self, the one less run by our ego. The one that sees the big picture, the interconnectedness of all things. It is harder to be put down if we are the one laughing. It is a choice and a liberating one. Laughter creates bonds, complicity, it gets the blood pumping, there is nothing more energizing than a hearty peal of laughter.
There are more tips of course. I would want to include Pleasure, even if I may be so bold, sexual pleasure (yes after 50). We are sexual beings and a lot of that has been repressed or made taboo by our cultures, yet we are sensual beings, and our life force very much resides in our sexuality…but more on that another time…
So, here for now are my 15 tips to empower women to embrace their second act with confidence, Clarity and freedom.
Talking of Freedom, lately I have come across another tip, one in an area we women often overlook and which we should not, so here it is as a bonus.
BONUS TIP: Money mindset and link to self-worth
I have had a wonderful life, have worked in various sectors (from management consultant to development worker in Africa and a lot in between), was married 20 years to a Dutch Diplomat with whom I lived in Cameroon, Uganda, Senegal, Berlin and had three children. To date I have moved 25 times, met so many wonderful people, accumulated a wealth in experience, expertise, wisdom and always considered myself a free spirit, living a life of freedom led by my passion and purpose until the missing factor became increasingly apparent. Money. For me something I always claimed having zero interest in until recently and the brutal truth that there is no freedom without financial freedom.
How many of us know so much, do so much but hold back on asking for money, or the right amount of money for what we do? Why do we do this? Unclear… Feeling it is wrong, worrying if we are good enough, worrying if we deserve it, if having a lot of money is actually a good thing…whatever we want to hide behind…
About 6 months ago I realized that much as I love my BE HEARD business (Coaching, editing/writing/translating, hosting, promoting), it was a financial rollercoaster, and I hungered for more financial Security for the years ahead. For me, but also so I could help my children and have more impact on the causes I believe in. Fed up with recreating the wheel with new products or services, I finally decided to partner with an existing, awarded, Japanese company company which makes certified products everyone needs, and which is run in an ethical, heart-centered way and provides all the tools and learning and support I need. Why am I sharing this? Because in order to sell and potentially create a team, I needed to take the biggest self-development journey I have taken so far and the biggest obstacle by far to my success was me, my self-worth and my relationship to money.
Since, I have come across so many women like me who struggle with money, who have maybe always been entrepreneur and have no Pension, who enjoyed the security of a marriage and are now divorced and waking up to the consequences of dependency.
So this too is a tip from me. In order to be Fabulous after Fifty, however happily married/employed you now are, look at your money mindset, look at your Financial Independence and set yourself free to truly claim your worth. Money is energy, it is an exchange and to be free and fabulous we need security. If you do not have it yet, what can you change? How can you be sure that you charge your worth and are happy to do so? – like you are happy to pay for a valuable product or service yourself.
A heathy money mindset is crucial to being Fabulous after fifty. Financial worries are deadly and drain our zest for life.
If you are looking for an additional or a different stream of income and are curious to what I am doing, just email me and I can send you some more info on what, why and how.
Connection and Communication are at the heart of my being so I am always happy to connect!
I hope these have been helpful and would love to hear back.
If you need an unbiased sparring partner on any of the above, I also offer coaching sessions (accredited life coach since 2009, also NLP accreditation and anxiety release). Just reach out via kennedy@thekennedyconnection.com
We deserve to be the best version of ourselves to live our best life, let’s make it happen!
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