It’s summertime and as a result the delivery of workshop and training sessions for clients is a bit slower; which means I’ve taken the opportunity to be a bit more relaxed with long lunches, more in-person coffees, run clubs, breakfast networking, watching sport, visiting art galleries, catching up with friends, working on my golf game and more.

One of the highlights of the summer has been spending more time with my nephews.

We did an escape room, played tennis, copious amounts of board, word and card games and much more.

Just the other night we went for dinner and to watch a musical (Sister Act if you are asking).

Let me be clear this wasn’t their choice but my sister had 2 spare tickets because of a last minute change and so she insisted that they attend; as an incentive we went to one of their favourite restaurants beforehand — you can call it a bribe or a sweetener depending on your view point.

The restaurant in question is a Taiwanese dumpling restaurant; they love the Xiao Long Bao (dumplings with soup inside)😋.

As part of the meal my sister ordered a seafood pancake.

“Yuck, I’m not going to try that; it looks disgusting, I won’t like it,” said one of my nephews.

“How do you know if you have never tasted it? Did you know that by saying something like that, you are more likely to not like it as confirmation bias will mean your brain strives to find any reason to prove your original statement to be correct,” I replied.

He looked at me a bit confused but willing to give it a go (maybe because his brother was eating it, rather than my inspiring words).

“That is absolutely delicious, can I have some more?” were his next words.

And Bingo!

It’s not just nephews this applies to

It’s amazing how many times I hear a variant of that attitude, and not just from my nephews and godchildren.

I hear it all the time from clients, often hidden behind other phrases:

• “That won’t work”
• “We’ve tried that before”
• “That’s too complicated”
• “There’s nothing wrong with what we’re doing at the moment”
• “It’s too risky”
• “It’s too expensive”
• “What’s the point?”
• “It’ll take too much time”
• “It sounds good in theory, but it will never work”
• “We will never get approval”
• “We’re already doing better than others”
• …

It turns out there are lots of ways to kill an idea before it’s even started, and most of us don’t even realise that by simply starting with this mindset then it will more likely than not deliver a foregone conclusion [something I explored in this blog last year.

A better way

It’s why I encourage every leader I work with to introduce everything with enthusiasm and greet every idea with a positive fanfare (even if the idea is initially terrible).

At least give something a chance, don’t kill it before it’s even attempted to take off; if it truly is terrible then you can quietly close it down later.

In a similar vein, it is usually far better to ask positive questions rather than negative questions.

E.g. “Why did you do that?” trumps “Why didn’t you do that?” [importantly the tone that these questions are asked in is just as crucial so an even better phrasing is: “Help me understand your thinking on that”]

Might be something to think about the next time you have a negative response to something new or if you’re thinking of a negative response.

A footnote

Unfortunately, this doesn’t necessarily work every time.

Despite me and my sister’s best efforts, my nephews concluded that they did not enjoy the musical (having already made up their mind beforehand that they disliked all musicals)….that said, I did see them clapping and waving along at a few of the songs so maybe we did move the dial a little 🤔

Still, if you want a bit of help with you or your team’s resistance to new ideas then drop me a line as I’d be delighted to help 😊

Faris

Faris is the CEO and Founder of Shiageto Consulting, an innovative consultancy that helps firms and individuals sharpen their effectiveness. Connect with him here

Success = IQ x EQ x FQ

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Originally Published on https://farisaranki.medium.com/

Faris Aranki Strategy & Emotional Intelligence

Having spent over 20 years delivering strategic change for the corporate and non-corporate worlds, Faris has experienced first-hand the fine differences between strategic success and failure.
His work has spanned numerous companies (from global behemoths to small start-ups), in numerous countries, across a range of sectors, supporting them all to unlock strategic success.

He came to realize that often what hinders institutions from achieving their goals goes beyond the quality of their strategy; it is their ability to engage effectively with others at all levels and remove barriers in their way. This has led to his passion for improving strategic effectiveness within all businesses and individuals and the foundation of Shiageto Consulting.

Over time, Faris has worked to distill his knowledge of how to solve complex problems in a structured manner combined with his skill on engaging effectively with others and his ability to quickly determine the barriers to a strategy's success. This knowledge has formed the foundation of Shiageto’s workshops, courses and methodologies. Faris believes that any firm or team can adopt these improvements; all it requires is a little of the right support -something Shiageto provides!

On top of leading our business, Faris is now an accomplished speaker and contributor for a variety of outlets.