Three ways to leave a legacy
What Does a Legacy Look Like?
The word legacy gets thrown around so much that the meaning has become diluted. However, there isn’t much mystery involved in this concept. A legacy is quite literally something handed down from one person to another. After interviewing over 100 people who have left legacies, I’ve learned that legacies come in many different forms. Erik Erikson’s theory of Generativity posits that we are built to give back to others without expecting anything in return (it is not a transactional relationship). When we pass on our expertise, knowledge, and values to someone else, we leave a legacy.
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There are three ways we can be Generative, and all three can lead to a legacy:
Mentoring
Philanthropy
An example of volunteering is Robert French.
Robert is a successful midlife entrepreneur who spends his spare time volunteering to help people without housing. He spends time talking with them, bringing food to them, and providing them with personal hygiene supplies. At least three hours per week of his time are spent providing for and creating meaningful connections with who live without homes finding respite in indoor public spaces such as the library each week. No one asked him to do this; he does it for the deep meaning it gives him. He is looking to increase the impact of his volunteering by involving his company to help provide more resources for people without housing in his hometown. He’s leaving a legacy of dignity, empathy, and connection.
An example of mentoring is Becky Bace.
The legacy I’m sharing is about a woman who probably never would have thought she’d leave a legacy, but hers is deep, meaningful, and has changed many people. Becky was at the top of her field, but her personal life was tragic. She suffered the devastating loss of her only son to Cancer. The loss was profound. He was her only child, and he was her legacy. She couldn’t get far enough away from her life and her loss. Without knowing anyone on the country’s opposite coast, she left her job as a Director at the NSA and set up shop in an entirely new field of work: Venture Consulting. She had no idea at the time that she was using this time to set the foundation for a long-lasting legacy: this time not with her child but through mentorship.
If you talk to her mentees or google her name, she is known as the “mama bear.” Her mentoring style is that of a loving maternal figure, like the one she had as a child and the one she had with her child. She guided by helping break down walls and barriers that seemed impossible to her mentees. Her mentees were like her children, and she thought of them in a parental way: she took pride in seeing them succeed and was there to help them along the way. Her mentees became her family and her legacy. She gushed when she talked about their achievements – the same way a parent gushes about their child getting into a good college or landing a dream job. She fretted over their complications and thought about ways to help improve their chances of success. One mentee, David Melnick, said, “Over the years, I have watched Becky mentor many emerging security leaders in our developing profession. She invested generously and selflessly in developing others and connecting these folks. Whether she’s working with a startup or advising VCs/executives on security strategy, her experience, and vast network continue to inspire me…I owe my involvement and leadership in the security profession to Becky, as do countless other current leaders in the profession today.” David aspires to mentor and continue Becky’s legacy.
An example of philanthropy is Richard Manders.
Richard Manders is a successful entrepreneur and executive coach. When he was planning to step down from his position as CEO of the company he started, his executive coach suggested he transition to take a year of giving back to his closest 20 friends and family. His coach was transitioning Richard from a fast paced job to a generative experience that would last an entire year.
What Richard did was completely different from what most of us think of when we hear philanthropy: have a building named after us or donate Money to a charity. While both are great examples, but they lack personal connection with individuals. Richard was tasked by his executive coach to call his 20 closest friends and family and ask them to choose a trip or event they would enjoy doing with him within the calendar year. Nearly everyone obliged (two didn’t because they felt they could engage with him outside of this Exercise). He set aside a very large sum of money and booked 18 trips/experiences/outings that filled his calendar for the entire year. His time was filled with meaningful trips and events with those he cared most about. He put his money into his friends and family rather than an abstract donation. The year of philanthropy not only provided deeper connections with those he cared about, but he also took time to learn more about himself. His transition led to becoming a coach helping other executives thrive. Richard could have spent the money on himself, or he could have given it to charity, but instead, he contributed to the lives of others and included himself in each of the experiences. His legacy is one of generosity and connection that lives on in each of the twenty individuals he cares about.
Why it is important to acknowledge generative behavior.
We often engage in generative behaviors but don’t even realize it. This is a massive loss for us. We risk going through life without a clear intention and understanding of the legacy we are likely leaving behind. Most people I speak with don’t realize they pass on their knowledge, skills, and values to others; they feel they are simply living and doing what they are expected to do. Our inherent good nature may get in the way of realizing the lasting impact we make through legacies.
Many people believe a legacy is a planned interaction or philanthropic endeavor. Many are, but much of our legacy building is done daily without much pre-planning. We get called to advise someone starting in our field or needing our expertise, so we say “sure” and guide them. Most people don’t rush home, patting themselves on the back for their mentoring. Similarly, every time we volunteer to do something for a cause or something we believe in, we don’t rush home and say, “Wow, I was generative today and engaged in creating a legacy for myself.” And finally, most people who write checks for charity don’t think to themselves, “I’m leaving my legacy today.” But, in all three cases, we are. And we greatly benefit from acknowledging our fruitful interactions because it helps drive our generative decisions in meaningful directions. We can choose who we want to leave our legacy to and how we want to leave our legacy. Legacy becomes an action we can take control of.
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Originally Published on https://deborahheiserphd.substack.com/
