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There are so many trite phrases that get tossed around when life is hard. “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” “This too shall pass.” “When the going gets tough, the tough get going…

There are so many tr…

There are so many trite phrases that get tossed around when life is hard. “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” “This too shall pass.” “When the going gets tough, the tough get going.” “Life doesn’t give you more than you can handle”...and so on. While there’s a kernel of truth in all those well-intentioned phrases, they can ring hollow when we’ve just been kicked in the gut, are suffering disappointment, experiencing outright failure or the sting of rejection. Recently I came across someone whose take on adversity was so fresh, I just had to have her on the podca…

You may already know that I hate the phrase “fake it ‘til you make it”. You can’t just fake confidence and expect it to stick. You can be dressed to the nines and runway-ready, but if you’re…

You may already know…

You may already know that I hate the phrase “fake it ‘til you make it”. You can’t just fake confidence and expect it to stick. You can be dressed to the nines and runway-ready, but if you’re not feeling it, if you’re not actively choosing to be confident, people are going to see, smell and otherwise just know it.  And then you’re just a well-dressed fake. I’m not saying physical appearance doesn’t matter – because it does – but it’s no substitute for self-respect and being confident and comfortable in your clothes AND skin. Dressing the part can help, but it’s what�…

How to Confidently Interview for that Job If public speaking is the #1 thing that rattles people’s confidence, then interviewing for a job has got to be a close second.  It doesn’t matter if you�…

How to Confidently I…

How to Confidently Interview for that Job If public speaking is the #1 thing that rattles people’s confidence, then interviewing for a job has got to be a close second.  It doesn’t matter if you’re new to the workforce, returning to the workforce, or a seasoned professional just looking for a change, the prospect of “selling yourself” is totally nerve-wracking – especially when the stakes are high and the new job is a need, not a want. Conventional interview prep advice tends to focus on studying the organization you’re interviewing with, crafting answers to tricky questions you…

I don't think anyone would say they want more stress in their life. But most of us create a lot of unnecessary stress for ourselves and other people. I have a friend (who shall remain nameless – may…

I don't think anyone…

I don't think anyone would say they want more stress in their life. But most of us create a lot of unnecessary stress for ourselves and other people. I have a friend (who shall remain nameless – maybe you have one too) and she’s a real drama queen. She looks for it, she creates it. Even the littlest things, turn into a crisis or story like you’d see in a Seinfeld episode and it is EXHAUSTING to be her and to be around her. Okay. You might have heard it said that if you can spot it, you’ve got it. And guess what? I’ve got some of it too! I’m highly skilled at adding complexity to th…

Friends, I am still reeling from my conversation with Rebecca Yang ,my guest for this episode of Real Confidence. Wow. I mean, talk about an absolute powerhouse of a human being (not to mention being …

Friends, I am still …

Friends, I am still reeling from my conversation with Rebecca Yang ,my guest for this episode of Real Confidence. Wow. I mean, talk about an absolute powerhouse of a human being (not to mention being a skilled diplomat). The stories she shared about her experiences in Istanbul and during the Afghanistan evacuation had me hanging on every word. I couldn't help but be in awe of Rebecca's journey. Here she was, a young diplomat thrown into some of the most intense situations imaginable, from surviving a coup attempt to orchestrating a massive evacuation from Afghanistan. And through it all, she n…

To hug or not to hug? That is the question for a lot of people. Recently I was thinking about the later days of the pandemic, going to a couple of conferences when we were still wearing masks and sitt…

To hug or not to hug…

To hug or not to hug? That is the question for a lot of people. Recently I was thinking about the later days of the pandemic, going to a couple of conferences when we were still wearing masks and sitting six feet apart. The conference organizers offered two versions of the badge lanyards to signal whether you were comfortable shaking hands or not. At the time I was like, oh, what a bummer that this is what we have to declare but in hindsight I think it was probably a big relief for people who, as a rule, don’t like that physical contact and wish they could walk around always with a little si…

Ever wonder which episode or season you’d make it to if you were a character in The Walking Dead? How you’d protect yourself, find shelter, get food? Whom you could trust? What about whether you c…

Ever wonder which ep…

Ever wonder which episode or season you’d make it to if you were a character in The Walking Dead? How you’d protect yourself, find shelter, get food? Whom you could trust? What about whether you could trust yourself to do the right thing if your life were under threat or your loyalties were tested? These questions aren’t just fun party conversation starters – they’re actually a sneaky way to get a handle on how self-reliant you are, and in turn, how confident you feel about taking care of yourself and your loved ones in an actual state of emergency. Topics like emergency preparedness…

Listen, life is A LOT and has been for the last four years. I’ll be the first one to tell you that what we lived through changed not how we lived, but how we experienced our lives. We’re not going…

Listen, life is A LO…

Listen, life is A LOT and has been for the last four years. I’ll be the first one to tell you that what we lived through changed not how we lived, but how we experienced our lives. We’re not going back to before. We’ve got to live where we are NOW.  And where we are now is emotionally exhausted. The question is why? Are we truly burned out or are we just bored? And how do we know the difference? One of the problems I see is that (once again), when the way we feel is validated by the media and everyone around us, we’re compelled to label it as a syndrome.  Yes, it helps to know we’r…

The human brain is a marvelous thing. All day long it’s tasked with protecting us from anything it perceives as a threat, and it takes that job seriously.  So seriously, in fact, that it actually c…

The human brain is a…

The human brain is a marvelous thing. All day long it’s tasked with protecting us from anything it perceives as a threat, and it takes that job seriously.  So seriously, in fact, that it actually can’t discern the difference between real, life-threatening situations and getting a vague, last-minute meeting request from our boss.  Whatever the danger, our brains sound the alarm bell, stress hormones begin to flood our system and our amygdalas – that primitive part of our brain – go into overdrive.  We fight, we flee, we freeze or we fawn, all in the name of creating safety and securi…

A lot of people ask me what the opposite of confidence is. On some level I think they already know the answer isn’t insecurity or a lack of self-esteem otherwise why ask the question.  And they’r…

A lot of people ask …

A lot of people ask me what the opposite of confidence is. On some level I think they already know the answer isn’t insecurity or a lack of self-esteem otherwise why ask the question.  And they’re right. The opposite of confidence is neither of those things.  It’s guilt.  Guilt is quite a tool. Most often we think of it as a tool other people use against us. My mother likes to say, “I didn’t know your phone was broken,” to guilt me into calling more often.  In those situations, when someone’s bullying us, guilt can feel bad, stir up feelings of shame or worthlessness. And I h…

Any St. Jerome fans here? Saint who, you’re probably thinking but you may be familiar with some famous words of his:  Good, better, best. Never let it rest. ‘Til your good is better and your bett…

Any St. Jerome fans …

Any St. Jerome fans here? Saint who, you’re probably thinking but you may be familiar with some famous words of his:  Good, better, best. Never let it rest. ‘Til your good is better and your better is best.  But living inside a culture obsessed with overnight success and a social media landscape that lures us into the self-comparison trap, many of us stop before we even start, well, anything new or different.  It’s like if we aren’t already The Best, why bother trying, right? And yet there are some people who seem to have cracked the code. By all appearances it looks like mastery �…

Relatives, friends, strangers, colleagues, bosses, store clerks, customer support reps. People who intimidate us come in all shapes and disguises. And it doesn’t matter if they’re in a position of…

Relatives, friends, …

Relatives, friends, strangers, colleagues, bosses, store clerks, customer support reps. People who intimidate us come in all shapes and disguises. And it doesn’t matter if they’re in a position of authority or sitting across from us at the dinner table: interacting with them leaves us feeling less than, not good enough or otherwise awful.  Is it better or worse when you know you’re going to see someone who intimidates you? Probably better. When you anticipate seeing that person, at a holiday gathering or a meeting, you’re going to worry. If you remember the movie Monsters, Inc. it's l…

One of my favorite things about the podcast is when everything clicks with a guest. That’s what happened when I got together with Rahul Karan Sharma, author of Habits 4 Miracles, to talk about how w…

One of my favorite t…

One of my favorite things about the podcast is when everything clicks with a guest. That’s what happened when I got together with Rahul Karan Sharma, author of Habits 4 Miracles, to talk about how we can leverage the power of neuroplasticity at any age to experience confidence and create new habits.  If you’re here for the first time thinking, yeah right, I’m not sure about this and I’m to old to start now? We’re here to tell you it’s not too late and you’re never too old. There are hundreds if not thousands of books on the subject of habits, a lot of them fall into the “so wh…

Irving Berlin is known for saying “Life is 10 percent what you make it and 90 percent how you take it.” The same could be said for words, although how we take them – their impact on us or others…

Irving Berlin is kno…

Irving Berlin is known for saying “Life is 10 percent what you make it and 90 percent how you take it.” The same could be said for words, although how we take them – their impact on us or others – is probably closer to 100 percent.  Yes, we have dictionary definitions to fall back on, but I believe the true power of words lies in our personal associations with them. Maybe that’s why I spend a good third of my cognitive energy stores on choosing the right ones to speak, write and share.  Because what a particular word means to me, may carry a completely different message for you and…

I’d say every 10th podcast pitch or so I get is from somebody who uses the word “unstuck”. They want to help the world and people to get unstuck. It’s noble and for some, you might say a calli…

I’d say every 10th…

I’d say every 10th podcast pitch or so I get is from somebody who uses the word “unstuck”. They want to help the world and people to get unstuck. It’s noble and for some, you might say a calling, but it’s talked about so much that I tend to avoid it.  Until now.  When I connected with CK Collins, otherwise known as Kelly, author of The Swipe Right Effect: The Power to Get Unstuck, her story and her wisdom were something I had to bring to our audience. This state of being we refer to as “being stuck” is often reduced to situations where we can’t make a decision, can’t motiva…

I’m going to call BS on something we probably all heard as kids: sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.  I know we were all taught this rhyme to shut bullies up, but wor…

I’m going to call …

I’m going to call BS on something we probably all heard as kids: sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.  I know we were all taught this rhyme to shut bullies up, but words do matter, and we don’t always appreciate how much. Especially when they’re coming out of our mouths and we mean well – we truly do – but how they land has the opposite effect. I’m as guilty of this as anyone. And it took me a really long time to realize how my good intentions could take someone’s confidence down instead of building it up, not just because of what I said, but how I …

There’s a certain magic that happens when we coach someone on confidence at the Institute. We experience it regularly in our Coaching certification practica and in our Pitch workshops and even infor…

There’s a certain …

There’s a certain magic that happens when we coach someone on confidence at the Institute. We experience it regularly in our Coaching certification practica and in our Pitch workshops and even informally, in casual conversations outside the Coaching bubble.  It’s not supernatural or mystical by any means, but it IS powerful.  So often, maybe even 99% of the time, the confidence problem we think we have isn’t the one we need to solve so we can move forward. It’s the “problem behind the problem”. I’ll give you an example: A lot of people come to me wanting to feel more confident …

In talking with a friend recently, I was stunned when she told me she was totally overwhelmed but was completely uncomfortable asking for help.  I was like, what? I guess because I ask for help all t…

In talking with a fr…

In talking with a friend recently, I was stunned when she told me she was totally overwhelmed but was completely uncomfortable asking for help.  I was like, what? I guess because I ask for help all the time and it doesn't faze me. But I was perplexed and asked her to elaborate a little bit more on how and why she felt that way. She replied that the way she was brought up it was not okay to ask for help.  Asking for help shows you were weak, incapable or failing. Instead, she was told to buck up, just persevere, get through it, deal with it, figure it out.  And that was the way her brain and…