Dear Barbara, you write about the signs of approaching death for what you call a “gradual” death. Would you write about what happens during a “sudden” death? There are two ways to die: gradual, from disease or old age; or a fast, unexpected death. I’ve written a lot about gradual death and its process, about […]

All the space between birth and death is living. YET we tend to conceptually segregate our final experience off from all that has preceded it. The experience of dying a gradual death is an important, integral part of life. It is an opportunity to write our final chapter, to define the ending of our story.  […]

Life. We are born, we experience, and then we die. A beginning, a middle, and an ending. What is interesting to me is the similarity between the beginning and the ending. The beginning: we go through labor to get here. Some of us have a short labor — mom sneezes and out we come. Others […]

A Hospice Director recently asked me how to use my materials in her program. That request got me thinking that others might be interested in my reason and vision for writing the end of life booklets. My first booklet, Gone From My Sight, was written to give the families I was caring for guidance for […]

I was cleaning out my computer and found this list. I don’t know where it came from, but it is excellent so I am passing it on for others’ consideration. With husband Jack’s recent death, I know the stress and confusion when these issues are not addressed. This is a guide all would be wise […]

A friend of mine asked me how to get a hospice referral. I suggested she first talk with her mom’s physician to see if he would make a referral. Then search the internet for hospices in their area and interview several. The doctor provided a referral and my friend made a call to a local […]

Fear moves on fleet feet, distorting all it touches; exaggerating, permeating, penetrating, overshadowing all. I think that sentence explains most of our reactions to approaching death. Our fear interprets what we see. Fear that our special person is not being properly taken care of. Fear within ourselves that we have no control over what is […]

Dear Barbara, our house is not big enough to have a hospital bed and all the medical things that my dad will need now that he’s been referred to hospice care. We have to work, so no one will be home to take care of him. Should we look for a hospice house? Hospice houses […]

Many years ago, someone came up with the idea that once a year Americans would reach out to those they care about and say, “I love you.” This is done with cards, flowers, and poems. February 14th is that day. Valentine’s Day. That is “I Love You” Day. Wouldn’t it be special if everyday was “I Love […]

One night many years ago when I was a hospice RN, when most people couldn’t pronounce the word “hospice,” or understand what the services were about, I was sitting with a family. Mom was in the bedroom, probably a week or so from death. The family and I were in the living room. I was […]