In Tribute to the Brother I Never Had
This post is a different sort of message. It’s a tribute to someone who I consider a dear friend, brother, professional colleague, co-author, co-conspirator, fellow follower of Jesus Christ, and the most enigmatic human being I have ever known. His name is Roger C. Ferguson.
As I begin writing this piece, Roger is in an advanced stage of Hospice care for Cancer. Which cancer you might ask? Several of them. As only Roger could, he didn’t make it easy on cancer to get him.
First, he fought esophageal cancer, then a wave of others too, before his body finally started getting weak and unresponsive to treatments. To say it has been a valiant fight is an insult to Roger’s will to live. There really aren’t any words that I know to cobble together to properly describe how and what Roger has done to stay with us all.
If you’ve followed my work, Roger’s name has surfaced many times. He and I met in the 80’s at our beloved Texas Commerce Bank. On very parallel tracks separated by less than 2 years in age, we both had begun our banking careers and our early entry into fatherhood. So, we shared many life experiences together. It was not long before I invited him to join me at Houston’s First Baptist Church. This rounded out our wheels of life together.
I convinced Roger to leave the HR world he loved and try his hand at managing an operations and administration team. He joined me in the Real Estate Group at the bank. It was there he introduced me to his creation “Big 5 Performance” review. We worked directly together for several years, while laying the foundation for what turned out to be a life-long brotherhood; brothers from another Mother as the saying goes.
In the opening lines, I called Roger ‘enigmatic’. He is that. He is his own very specialized walking. living, breathing enigma. He was sinner and saint. Follower and rebel. For many, his early-in-life humor was ‘an acquired taste.’ He could make a woman of the evening turn red with his off-color quips.
But that was a mere chink in the Furguson armor. To know Roger was to learn about a deeply thoughtful and caring man. He was someone who openly and frequently questioned God Himself about things in this life that didn’t make immediate sense. He rebelled against modern theology, at least he did so when we had our frequent breakfast weekly meetings. Yet his faith was undeniable. He knew who he believed in and was certain the He was able to carry him to and through the end.
Roger cared. Let that sink in a minute.
How many people do you really know who genuinely care about others? And more importantly care to the level of taking action to assist, provide, nurture, grow, and heal? I’ve tried making a list of ways Roger reached out to me over the years to ‘care’ about what I had going on. In his eyes, it never mattered. Whether helping me load a moving truck to move out in an ugly divorce, or coping with donating a kidney to my son, or rebuilding my professional life after closing a business in 2008 during the crash, Volunteering time and creative energy to work with me in a fledgling non-profit helping job seekers…… the list goes on and on. (I’ve left off a lot!)
And you know what? Roger was always there. Often, I never asked. He just showed up. That’s it.. showing up. Who really does that anymore?
He and I share one other factoid that is not exactly something to be proud of, but nonetheless a big thread and theme in our shared lives. It took us both three tries to find a woman who was right for us. We each have now been married longer to our current spouses than the other two marriages combined. AND, it is good. The drive and desire to be married in the right way was something we talked about a lot. We both regularly thanked and thank God for His divine blessing to allow us such a reward, this side of heaven.
Missing Roger will be hard. He knows where he is going so is not afraid. He just didn’t want to go just yet. But he knew God would decide the time.
I am planning to steel my emotions for NOT being sad when the news comes of Roger’s final breath. The ‘Enigma’ would want a party, although he never really liked being the subject of the party, but he liked being in or part of a party. I promise you, my Friend, I will do whatever I can to party on your behalf. Missing him would be a selfish act on my part. I choose to recall the amazing moments that he helped craft on the pages of my story.
Speaking of story, I told Cathy (his wife) recently that sometimes we write the chapters of our life and other times God writes them. Roger has authored some wonderful and amazing chapters in his life. Other chapters, including this final one, have been directed and authored by God and God alone.
As I think about saying goodbye, I reflect again on the enigma idea. Some might judge and say that was a life lived in err. I say, “Nay, Nay.”
I say to Roger, “Well done!” You will be missed, but NEVER forgotten.
PS – Roger left this earth on Tuesday August 27th. Cathy told me it was a beautiful moment. Services are pending. I guess now he’ll know where all those golf balls went.
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