Yung Pueblo defines embodiment as “the energy you give off combined with a set of actions you most often repeat.” Without conscious awareness, my own energy has sent a bat signal to the universe at I’m up for organizing, leading and running around town gathering supplies to execute all of the plans I’m in charge of. Even after years of experience and Education, I’m showing up with an open door policy that everyone from the mean girl to the school principal to former clients and friends are tapping into.
I’m repeatedly leaking energy like a leaky gut, people pleasing outside of corporate walls, this time as an entrepreneur and suburban Mom.
And to think I had stopped people pleasing. What a lesson I keep revisiting.
There was a time, I would have proudly said I was a recovered people pleaser. I even have proof. I remember the exact moment I stood up for myself at work—literally. Keith (yes, his real name) was ten years older, half a head shorter and a peer on the project. He raised his voice at me over cubicles where we set up our team for merger work. We’d be on that floor for months together, setting the stage for tedious and important work over late nights. Keith screamed at me four times and on the fifth attempt to get me to do his admin work, something in me shifted. I stood up, matched his tone, held eye contact, and held my ground. Then I sat back down. Calm. Steady. Unshaken. Proud.
That moment made me feel powerful. Safe. Like the old version of me had finally left the building.
The young female in the Director title who did not see her own worth, kept people pleasing until I retired in 2022. Today, I have noticed It’s not me getting an older man takeout lunch at the office anymore. Or being the only woman in the boardroom taking notes while the rest of the team speaks freely.
But here’s the truth no one likes to say out loud: people pleasing doesn’t always show up in the ways it used to.
No, today, people pleasing is not as apparent or bold. She shows up as over-functioning. She signs up to Volunteering when I am tapped out. She invites people over for dinner when I really need rest. She can be found running errands for the school’s basket raffle (do not get me started on basket raffles) when it’s more efficient to write a check.
She is standing at a cocktail party making small talk with women I know do not have my best interest at heart—just to keep things smooth in the fragile suburban dynamic. As recently as last week, someone attempted to leverage my overly excitable nature of pleasing, with my own permission, for my rolodex of contacts without a contract. I wised up and slept on the veiled opportunity and declined it.
The energy vampires I’ve allowed to become leeches have taken me to the point of planning their vacations, mini wellness events or becoming a free wellness resource recommending products and services all with little reciprocation. How lucky are they? How exhausted am I?
Saying yes too fast out of obligation, saying no only when I physically cannot is a sign that my cardiovascular system is still pumping peer pressure through my veins.
It hides behind good intentions and “being of service.” My calendar has shifted from 12 hours of meetings to 8 hours of racing around. People pleasing masks itself as being kind and accommodating, when really, it’s a subtle disconnection from my own boundaries.
I now see as my attempt to quickly get people what they need by being overly agreeable.
So no, I’m not fully recovered. But I am aware. And I’m learning that’s the new power.
Cory Muscara offers the PAWS method to be more present in decision making and sleeping on a yes or no.
Rather than sit in silence, I’m using this mantra all of spring to stay truly in tune with my own preferences, needs and heart desires.
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