“It was subtle and strange, the first stirring that disrupted the illusion that all was well in my life. I barely noticed it, but the sneaky twinge deep in my belly got my attention long enough to make me wonder. It felt mysterious and caught me off guard because it arrived at the exact moment when I thought I was in control of my life story. I was thirty-eight.

This weekend's energy was like any other weekend; it was family chaos that felt exasperating and joyful simultaneously. I could hardly catch my breath running here and there, but beneath the surface of the craziness, I felt a deep sense of purpose.

“Who wants to go on a walk?” I yelled out to my two children, ages five and three.

***

Then, something made me stop walking. I gazed up at the sky and noticed the warm sunshine sparkling through some rustling leaves. The scene was lusciously riveting, and it began moving closer and closer as if I were looking through a zooming camera lens. The warmth of the sunshine hugged me, relaxing my shoulders and prompting a huge sigh. What felt like giant soft hands gently closed my eyelids for a moment.

When I slowly opened them, the rays of sunshine seemed to desperately try to prolong the stillness that was so rare in my life. But then … the tiny glimpse of eternity was gone, replaced by a strange heaviness in my chest that felt like heartache. Slowly and dramatically, I realized something significant had changed in my life, although I didn’t know what it was. My legs shook.”

***

That moment was twenty-two years ago, and it’s how I begin the story of my midlife unraveling and reconstruction, as told in my upcoming memoir, When Sex Meets God: a midlife story. You can learn more about why I felt it was important to share my story here.

Discontent and Anxiety: A Sign that Life Wants More For You

You’re not going crazy!

Your Anxiety doesn’t mean what you think it does.

You’re not afraid of what you think you’re scared of either.

Despite that voice of guilt, nothing is wrong with you for feeling dissatisfied, even if you’ve achieved conventional success.

You’re not selfish for wanting more.

But do you even know what you want?

Sometimes, our true desires are hidden beneath the fear of what actions we assume we must take to experience those desires. For example, you can't stand the corporate world anymore, but your family's Lifestyle depends upon your income. The fear of hurting your family paralyzes you from even imagining a more meaningful life. When that happens, your brain ignores all the small steps you could take in the meantime. Because we can't see the whole plan or even know the full picture of what we're wanting, we stay stuck.

That's when anxiety and inner agitation kicks into gear, as well as unintentional resentment that gets projected onto others due to your frustration with yourself.

A more exciting version of yourself is the ultimate reward for having the courage to withstand the discomfort of going against the grain, finding your truth, and reconciling what seems to be in opposition. It also turns out that when you answer the call to expand and increase yourself, your Relationships improve too.

Thinking is the problem.

You’re not alone, either.

Twenty percent of Americans say they’re “not too happy,” more than double from the decade before, and the number of Americans who say they’re “very happy” dropped from a third to less than one in five people, according to the University of Chicago’s General Social Surveys. (Link to article at the Harvard Business School’s online library)

Further, the same article shares that according to a job satisfaction survey titled “What Workers Want in 2022”, only 16 percent of workers were “very satisfied” with their jobs, while almost 50 percent felt somewhat or very dissatisfied.

A major contributor to this situation is the sinister strategy of larger power structures to make the individual responsible for their unhappiness. It’s our problem. We have anxiety, and we sit in a therapist’s office to focus on our Trauma rather than the more significant source of trauma, the sick institutions, and collective indoctrination about what’s supposed to make us happy. This is a distraction; the larger power structures care little about what makes people happy. For example, these systems drain the most passionate teachers, nurses, and doctors, genuinely passionate about health and children’s capacity to reach their potential.  

James Hillman, founder of archetypal depth psychology and author of We’ve Had a Hundred Years of Psychotherapy and the World’s Getting Worse, challenges us to see the Therapy session as the “cell of revolution.”

Our situations exist within the community context, and what needs to change is how we can become empowered to live more meaningful lives. All paradigm shifts are agitated from the grassroots, but if those at the grassroots are distracted by the noise of the chaos around them, what wants to bubble up to the surface cannot burst into conscious awareness. That's by design too, because when you discover the truth of who you truly are, you become a pesky mosquito to bigger systems in which you live.  

There are good reasons for your discontent and dissatisfaction. In fact, your discontent is essential for nudging you toward the inner blueprint for your life’s purpose.

Okay, so what do we do about this situation?

What is your path to living a meaningful, happy life?

Where do we go from here?

First, set aside the guilt about your dissatisfaction. You’re worthy because you breathe, and life is there for you to live fully, whatever that means to you, unless your desires harm others.

Second, you must accept that thinking is part of the problem because the mind is defensive. It will fight to conform to both conscious and unconscious limiting beliefs and patterns of thinking and reacting. From a neuroscience perspective, we have grooves in our brains whose stubbornness depends upon how old and how often certain connections (patterns of thinking and reacting) are repeated.

There is a strong preference for what you’ve been doing, even if you don’t want to do it anymore. This is why change can be difficult and explains the rare experience of someone radically transforming after hitting rock bottom. The giving in and surrender of the mind/ego allows a brand-new insight to take hold quickly and powerfully.  

The answers do not exist in your mind, which has been infected by the systems that are contributing to your anxiety. Science affirms that mysterious unconscious forces influence 80-90 percent of who you are. Of the 60,000 thoughts researchers say we have, 75% are negative, and 95% are repetitive. Of the approximately 200 emotional experiences we have per day, we’re not conscious of most of those either.

Your discontent is a sign that a deeper part of you, your Self, Soul, or intuition, is nudging you to grow and overcome a deeper level of limiting beliefs. I know this to be true from personal experience. Yep, right now, as I approach the eve of my sixth decade (June 15th), after my fifth decade of vulnerable unraveling and exciting creative unleashing, my inner being continues to torture me into expansion.

Why? Because life isn’t done with me yet!

I sense that you know life isn’t done with you yet, either!

So, what’s next?

Suppose you’re serious about discovering the deeper root of your discontent, overcoming your lying mind, and living a successful and meaningful life that aligns with your values.

In that case, you might be ready for my Six-Month Depth of Wisdom Program.

If you’re still reading this, you’ve already tried many strategies, including Personal Development programs, psychology books, and even spirituality from a more expansive perspective. This is great! You may also be practicing Yoga, trying Reiki, and finding yourself intrigued by Human Design. Maybe you’ve even turned to Tarot cards, which you’re embarrassed to admit. Note: I can explain why Tarot cards can be helpful from a neuroscience perspective, so you no longer need to be ashamed if you are. You also probably went to conventional therapy for a while until it wasn’t enough.  

I’m positive you successfully excavated many insights that explained a lot about your life. You have already learned much about yourself and made difficult decisions that liberated you from what once limited you.

Still, even after leveling up, you realize your journey has just begun, and there’s no end to your expansion. Your few glimpses into wholeness and oneness mean you’re more easily distracted than ever by twinges of discontent.

Oh no! you say. Not again! You feel restless when you finally establish a new sense of Security and stability. You can’t turn it off. You’ve got to follow that white rabbit, like in the Matrix movie, to see where it leads.

“What do I do now?” you plead, maybe looking up.

I've Identified Three Challenges Standing in the Way

I’ve learned from personal experience and work with clients that there are three significant challenges at this point in your journey:

Challenge #1: Your mind’s interference. We are not taught to honor a deeper source of Wisdom or learn our unconscious language.

My Approach: With an MA/PhD in depth psychology (the study of the unconscious), I am skilled at quickly identifying what you cannot see. Together, we can identify where to start through my unique, comprehensive questionnaire and wisdom discovery session. At the same time, I will teach you strategies for immediately relieving anxiety and other negative emotions.

Challenge #2: Not having a framework for learning how to harness wisdom from your unconscious.

My Approach: My program is rooted in the work of C.G. Jung, one of the founders of depth psychology, specifically his Theory of Individuation. If you are willing to take self-reflection seriously, you will gain new insights that can change your life.

In my five-step process to working with your unconscious, Step #5 is critical: integrating those new insights into your life. Your responsibility is to execute the specific strategies and actions I recommend. Constant debriefing together accelerates the weakening of specific neural grooves in favor of new ones.

Challenge #3: Not having the right experts and access to them when you need them most.

My Approach: This is where my program gets even more unique. Your life doesn’t happen according to a schedule. You will have a personalized plan for access to my expertise based on your preferences, schedule, and goals. Some of my clients thrive most with face-to-face virtual sessions, for example, at the beginning and end of the week. They need the sessions to stay on track and to debrief progress and challenges regularly.

All clients are encouraged to take advantage of email/text Coaching, and we will have a shared Google document where we communicate daily. For some clients, writing is a better or supplemental way to express and articulate experiences, including dreams, which is one of my areas of expertise. I can take the time to analyze a dream comprehensively, suggest reflections after a conflict, or even draft a difficult conversation that needs to happen with a partner or coworker. Exploring the deeper meaning of conflicts and attraction with other people is another area in which I excel and have passion, as well as Jungian Film Theory, a prominent way the unconscious speaks to some of my clients.

Finally, I have a library with free access, including 100 podcast episodes, my book, Your Soul is Talking. Are You Listening?, and blog articles that bring concepts to life through stories and Education.

As I said, the six-month program is personally tailored.

What outcomes can you expect?

Outcomes are directly correlated with your participation and willingness to try new strategies that feel awkward. That’s the key. Working diligently with me for six months will result in:

Relief. You’ll learn how to use active imagination to detach from difficult emotions, thoughts, and physical pain, to relate to them, and discover their meaning and what they want from you.

Insights. Profound new insights about the past and what it has to do with the present and your future self.

Clarity. New insights will shift your perspective, and you’ll assign new meaning to old events, freeing up energy to move forward in ways you couldn’t see before.

Concrete Progress. You’ve probably heard the saying that the external world reflects your inner world and vice versa. For example, responding differently in a stubborn dynamic with your partner can shift the energy enough to bring about a corresponding change in the other person’s behavior. It’s simple but also tricky and scary, which is why you haven’t done it yet. My version of Start with Heart from the book Crucial Conversations (Grenny, Patterson, et al.) can bring an unexpectedly favorable outcome to something torturing you and significantly increase your confidence dealing with conflict.

There are so many more possibilities, like ending a relationship you’ve outgrown in an honorable and kind way, leaving a job that stifles you in favor of starting a new business, and giving yourself permission to have another sexual awakening or your first if you never got to do that.

My Depth of Wisdom program is the “red pill,” which confronts you with the reality of who you are: love.  

So, how does it work?

Depth of Wisdom is a six-month personalized and intense coaching program that will change your life. It will give you brand-new insights about yourself and shift your perspective about your importance and how your life fits into the world.

Even though my program is rooted in a specific theory, and I have developed a framework, working with the unconscious is not a linear experience. Visit my dedicated page to Depth of Wisdom, where I outline the different components of your journey. They may happen in order or based on which situations or complexes get our attention first. In all cases, every component will come into play, including how sexual energy and arousal are part of coming into a deeper relationship with your deeper self or Soul. Deepening your relationship with yourself is the bridge to accessing what transcends you. Your new trust helps you surrender to that mysterious creative intelligence that wants to use you to express itself through your unique experience of being human.

What does Depth of Wisdom cost, and is there a guarantee?

Your investment of $5,000 (USD) and working diligently with me for six months will result in profound insights about how the past manifests in the present, specific strategies to get relief from the complex emotions, conflicts, obsessive behaviors, and physical issues that arise from deep-seated and unconscious patterns, and knowledge about how your unconscious offers clues that are pulling you into the future. You will gain clarity and confidence about what's trying to emerge from your depths and experience a renewed sense of purpose and fulfillment. I do offer payment plans.

If you don’t feel this way after six months, you get me for another 30 days for free.

One Client's Experience

One day I received an email from Anna (name changed) about a blog post: The Intersection of Arousal, Shame and the Fear of Trans People. The post resonated with her, and I thanked her for letting me know, but I got the feeling there was more. She ended up scheduling a free exploratory chat and unexpectely, out it all came. Exploring a recent dream brought up many things that were just below the surface, and her unconscious nudged her to reach out without knowing this.

One session led to another, and a flood of dreams and observations made it clear that years of unresolved issues which contributed to patterns that now tortured Anna needed to be dealt with so she could reach the potential she knew was right in front of her.

A personalized approach quickly materialized. Anna's automatic thought patterns were so strong, she committed to sixty minute sessions twice per week, Monday and Friday. This went on for five months. Exploring the limiting thoughts and beliefs as they occurred naturally led to identifying personal complexes related to, for example, her mother and father wounds, and distinct reaction patterns to her two sisters. These old wounds showed up in her relationship with her husband as well as in her business.

Anna weathered the discomfort of confusion and began shedding her victim Consciousness in favor of knowing she had more power than she thought. She learned to separate people from behaviors, see that the misdeeds of others wasn't about her, but about their own unconscious wounds. Along the way, with my help through email/text coaching, Anna learned how to use my communication tool, Start with Heart, and soon she was able to see situations more objectively because the emotions were subsiding due to her awareness of the root of the emotional reactions to certain situations.

Anna continues to be on fire, seeing what she couldn't see before, illuminating options and choices she hadn't known were available to her. Also through email coaching, Anna and I explore her dreams, which offer affirmation and a heads-up about situations she might find herself in the future. She is getting really good at identifying the dynamic the dream wants her to explore, and she can often find the metaphor in her life without my assistance. She's learning the langauge of her unconscious.

Anna is a great example of being committed to integrating insights into her life. She's willing to do the hard things I recommend like trying a new response to someone who triggers her, or taking time to breathe and listen to one of my guided meditations. She's journaling too, amazed at the power of writing to process things that overwhelm the mind.

There's so much more to do, but her confidence and sense of personal mission has blossomed. What once bothered her now inspires a sense of curiosity about the deeper meaning. She can tell the difference between giving out of obligation and giving from a pure heart, not needing anything in return. Exploring her personal complexes opened the doorway to feeling a deep sense of being called to her work. She's still learning to discern between her deeper sense of wisdom (intuition) and her ego (defensive mind), but her journey is becoming exhilarating and empowering now. Not a coincidence, Anna is now exploring her relationship with her body and sexuality, which will ultimately impact her creative expression.

Ready to Look Discontent in the Eye?

When could there be a better time to start the journey to find out what you're made of than when the world around you is a pressure cooker, waiting for the paradigm shift that's working its way into conscious awareness.

An interesting outcome from the COVID-19 shutdown was the number of people who became solo entrepreneurs. Being forced into isolation was difficult for many people, but for others it was an opportunity to revisit personal values. “Now or never,” some people decided as they quit jobs, were let go from jobs, retired early, or felt inspired to live life more fully after losing a loved one.

We're at the tip of the ice berg, and in the coming years, that new paradigm will be more obvious. And you'll be part of it. You might know you want to be part of it, but you're addicted to the safety of the familiar, even if you're suffering.

I got you! I've got the expertise, framework, and a unique talent for inspiring people through my genuine curiosity about the deeper meaning of their stories. Plus, my sense of humor and tendency to see my clients' journeys as novels and movies keeps them from taking things too seriously.

If you're ready to just start the conversation, click here to schedule a 45-minute free exploratory chat. Bring a dream; it might be the blueprint for your emerging life.

Welcome to Your Future Self!

Dr. Deborah Lukovich

Originally Published on https://www.deborahlukovich.com/blog/

Deborah Lukovich, PhD Depth Psychology Coach, Author, Podcaster & Blogger

Deborah Lukovich, PhD, is depth psychology coach, author, blogger, podcaster, and YouTuber, all ways she overshares her crazy midlife adventures and creates space for others to find deeper meaning in their own. She loves engaging with thousands of Twitter followers too.

She holds a M.A. and PhD in Depth Psychology with a specialization in Jungian and Archetypal Studies. Through coaching, writing, and conversation, Deborah is on a mission to empower people with a framework for self-reflection focused on learning the language of the unconscious, through which the Soul reveals clues about our deepest desires.

She describes herself as an accidentally funny, awkward depth psychology nerd who is addicted to finding meaning in ordinary life events, and over-shares to encourage others to explore the deeper meaning of their lives.