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Bruce Chalmer Dr. Bruce Chalmer

Dr. Bruce Chalmer is a psychologist in Vermont who has been working with couples for over thirty years. Through his teaching, consulting, and books, his ideas have helped thousands of couples and their therapists. Together with his wife Judy Alexander, Dr. Chalmer hosts the podcast “Couples Therapy in Seven Words.”

Dr. Chalmer's books include:
"Betrayal and Forgiveness: How to Navigate the Turmoil and Learn to Trust Again"
"It's Not About Communication! Why Everything You Know About Couples Therapy is Wrong"
"Reigniting the Spark: Why Stable Relationships Lose Intimacy, and How to Get It Back"

Recent Content

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If Men Have All The Power How Come Women Make The Rules? An Interview With Jack Kammer &Raquo; Jack Kammer
If Men Have All the Power How Come Women Make the Rules? An Interview with Jack Kammer

For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/jack-kammer/. Talking about gender issues can be a minefield. Talking about ways in which not only women, but men too are victims of impli…

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For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/jack-kammer/. Talking about gender issues can be a minefield. Talking about ways in which not only women, but men too are victims of implicit bias can get you canceled—as evidenced by what happened to our guest’s book when he wrote about that. Our guest, Jack Kammer, has the distinction of being a target of cancel culture before the term was coined. We talk about his experiences thinking, speaking, and writing about bias against men. We also talk about why it’s so difficult to get men to go to couples therapy. Here’s the lin…

Listen · 1:00:06
Diversity, Diagnosis, And Nonsense: When Ideas Turn Into Ideologies &Raquo; Ranting Man
Diversity, Diagnosis, and Nonsense: When Ideas Turn into Ideologies

For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/diversity-diagnosis-and-nonsense/. Okay, I (Bruce) get to rant in this one. Bring on the arguments! How does the good idea of diversity tu…

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For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/diversity-diagnosis-and-nonsense/. Okay, I (Bruce) get to rant in this one. Bring on the arguments! How does the good idea of diversity turn into the ideology that makes universities insist that candidates for faculty positions sign loyalty oaths? How does the good idea of understanding the experience of trans people turn into the ideology that says you can’t question whether someone who grew up in a male body should be allowed to swim on the girls’ team? How does the good idea of differential diagnosis turn into the ideology th…

Listen · 41:27
From Near-Divorce To A Thriving Marriage: An Interview With Sophie Orozco &Raquo; Sophie Orozco
From Near-Divorce to a Thriving Marriage: An Interview with Sophie Orozco

For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/sophie-orozco/. What can you do if your husband tells you he no longer loves you, and is ending your marriage? Do you have to just give up…

For the video of thi…

For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/sophie-orozco/. What can you do if your husband tells you he no longer loves you, and is ending your marriage? Do you have to just give up? Our guest in this episode, Sophie Orozco, faced that very situation. And her friends, advisors, and therapists told her to just accept it and move on. But Sophie was determined to find a better outcome. She gave herself a year, and discovered that not only could her marriage be saved, but that it was better than it ever was. She shares what she learned with her Coaching clients. Judy and I found…

Listen · 44:43
How Can You Tell If Your Therapist Is A Quack? &Raquo; Duck
How Can You Tell If Your Therapist is a Quack?

For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/therapist-is-a-quack/. Is your therapist a quack? We’ve talked about how to know if you should leave a relationship—what about a relat…

For the video of thi…

For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/therapist-is-a-quack/. Is your therapist a quack? We’ve talked about how to know if you should leave a relationship—what about a relationship with a therapist? What are the signs that you should dump them? As you’ll hear in this episode, thinking about that led us to talk about when diagnoses, such as ADHD or narcissism or Borderline Personality Disorder, can be damaging, even though they are also often useful. Feel free to argue with me! Do you have ideas for topics or guests for our podcast? Go to https://ctin7.com and send …

Listen · 46:06
Becoming A Better Husband: An Interview With Angelo Santiago &Raquo; Angelo Santiago
Becoming a Better Husband: An Interview with Angelo Santiago

For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/angelo-santiago/. How can men be better husbands and partners? Our guest in this episode is Angelo Santiago, a Marriage and Relationship C…

For the video of thi…

For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/angelo-santiago/. How can men be better husbands and partners? Our guest in this episode is Angelo Santiago, a Marriage and Relationship Coach with a specialization in helping men become better husbands. Angelo had me (Bruce) on his podcast, “Better Husband,” and we were delighted to return the favor. Angelo’s website is https://www.angelosantiago.com/. Do you have ideas for topics or guests for our podcast? Go to https://ctin7.com and send us a message. And you can also sign up for Dr. Chalmer’s newsletter right from our ho…

Listen · 53:54
How Do I Know When To Call It Quits In A 40-Year Marriage? &Raquo; Older Man
How Do I Know When to Call It Quits in A 40-Year Marriage?

For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/quits-in-40-year-marriage/. A listener question prompted this episode: “Fred” wrote to us asking how to know when to end a 40-year mar…

For the video of thi…

For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/quits-in-40-year-marriage/. A listener question prompted this episode: “Fred” wrote to us asking how to know when to end a 40-year marriage. Judy and I talk about this dilemma from several angles. How do couples get to that point after so many years of relative stability? What’s the role of intimacy in a couple? Are there ethical issues to consider? Let us know what you think. Do you have ideas for topics or guests for our podcast? Go to https://ctin7.com and send us a message. And you can also sign up for Dr. Chalmer’s news…

Listen · 41:21
What The Heck Is Self-Love, Anyway? An Interview With Jonathon Aslay &Raquo; Jonathon Aslay
What the Heck is Self-Love, Anyway? An Interview with Jonathon Aslay

For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/jonathon-aslay/. Our guest in this episode, Jonathon Aslay, is a relationship coach who works especially with people (most often women, bu…

For the video of thi…

For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/jonathon-aslay/. Our guest in this episode, Jonathon Aslay, is a relationship coach who works especially with people (most often women, but some men) in mid-life. We talk about the particular issues that arise for people at that stage of life, and how Jonathon helps them navigate them. It’s a lively discussion—we had fun! Jonathon’s website is https://www.jonathonaslay.com/. His YouTube channel is https://www.youtube.com/@JonathonAslay. Do you have ideas for topics or guests for our podcast? Go to https://ctin7.com and send us…

Listen · 1:02:05
Reframing Pressure As A Choice: An Interview With Brian Hite &Raquo; Brian Hite
Reframing Pressure as a Choice: An Interview with Brian Hite

For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/brian-hite/. Our guest in this episode, Brian Hite, has quite the blend of experiences to offer: he’s a Hollywood stuntman with over 100…

For the video of thi…

For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/brian-hite/. Our guest in this episode, Brian Hite, has quite the blend of experiences to offer: he’s a Hollywood stuntman with over 100 credits, a Ph.D. in Organizational Psychology, and a sports performance coach. In his speeches and trainings, Brian challenges some conventional assumptions about pressure, motivation, and performance. And his energy is contagious—check out this episode and see if your own level of motivation kicks up a notch! Brian’s website is https://www.brianhiteglobal.com/. Do you have ideas for topics o…

Listen · 55:56
Sex Therapy For Older Adults: An Interview With Dr. Jenn Kennedy &Raquo; Jenn Kennedy
Sex Therapy for Older Adults: An Interview with Dr. Jenn Kennedy

For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/jenn-kennedy/. What are some of the issues that come up for older adults in sex therapy? Our guest in this episode, Dr. Jenn Kennedy, tell…

For the video of thi…

For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/jenn-kennedy/. What are some of the issues that come up for older adults in sex therapy? Our guest in this episode, Dr. Jenn Kennedy, tells us how  she helps older couples navigate the changes and challenges of maintaining and improving their sexual connection. Dr. Kennedy’s website is https://pleasureproject.us/. Do you have ideas for topics or guests for our podcast? Go to https://ctin7.com and send us a message. And you can also sign up for Dr. Chalmer’s newsletter right from our homepage. Our sponsor is The Blue Tent: Eroti…

Listen · 37:52
How Important Is Sexual Health In Couples Therapy? An Interview With Kelly Ghweinem &Raquo; Kelly Ghweinem
How Important is Sexual Health in Couples Therapy? An Interview with Kelly Ghweinem

For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/kelly-ghweinem/. Many therapists who work with couples are uncomfortable talking about sex with their clients—and therefore miss the opp…

For the video of thi…

For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/kelly-ghweinem/. Many therapists who work with couples are uncomfortable talking about sex with their clients—and therefore miss the opportunity to help them deal with those issues. Our guest in this episode, Kelly Ghweinem, tells us about how she helps couples with sexual issues, and how she and her colleague train therapists to equip them with the skills they need to help their clients more effectively with sexual issues. Kelly’s website is https://www.eroticacademy.net/. Do you have ideas for topics or guests for our podcast?…

Listen · 46:50
What Can Straight Couples Learn From Lgbt Couples? An Interview With Laurel Roberts-Meese &Raquo; Laurel Roberts Meese Bwdtfd
What Can Straight Couples Learn from LGBT Couples? An Interview with Laurel Roberts-Meese

For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/laurel-roberts-meese/. LGBT couples and straight couples share many of the same issues, but there are also some characteristic differences…

For the video of thi…

For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/laurel-roberts-meese/. LGBT couples and straight couples share many of the same issues, but there are also some characteristic differences. And our guest in this episode, Laurel Roberts-Meese, tells us not only about those differences, but about ways straight couples (and their therapists) can learn from LGBT couples. Laurel’s website is https://www.laureltherapy.net/. Do you have ideas for topics or guests for our podcast? Go to https://ctin7.com and send us a message. And you can also sign up for Dr. Chalmer’s newsletter right…

Listen · 52:54
Recovering From Relationship Trauma: An Interview With Mr. Jay &Raquo; Mr Jay Jy6Y6A
Recovering from Relationship Trauma: An Interview with Mr. Jay

For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/mr-jay/. Why is recovering from betrayal so difficult? Our guest in this episode, Mr. Jay, talks about what betrayal Trauma is, why it’s…

For the video of thi…

For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/mr-jay/. Why is recovering from betrayal so difficult? Our guest in this episode, Mr. Jay, talks about what betrayal trauma is, why it’s different from other kinds of trauma, and how he helps couples recover from it. Mr. Jay’s website is https://mrjayrelationshipcoach.com/. Do you have ideas for topics or guests for our podcast? Go to https://ctin7.com and send us a message. And you can also sign up for Dr. Chalmer’s newsletter right from our homepage. Our sponsor is The Blue Tent: Erotic Tales from the Bible by Laria Zylber. …

Listen · 55:11
That No-Good Cheating Jerk Was Doing The Best He Could? Huh? &Raquo; Discovering Infidelity Mub583
That No-Good Cheating Jerk Was Doing the Best He Could? Huh?

For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/no-good-cheating-jerk/. We’ve been getting a lot of reaction to my book Betrayal and Forgiveness. One of the common ones has been people…

For the video of thi…

For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/no-good-cheating-jerk/. We’ve been getting a lot of reaction to my book Betrayal and Forgiveness. One of the common ones has been people expressing a combination of doubt and horror at the idea that someone who betrayed you was, in some way, doing the best they could. So we talk about that and related ideas. Along the way, Judy and I talk about what happened to our son Eli, who was seriously injured in a freak climbing accident. We weren’t planning on talking about it, but it came up in the context of forgiving God when betrayal…

Listen · 53:17
How Does Your Attachment Style Affect Your Relationship? An Interview With Bev Mitelman &Raquo; Bev Mitelman G4H9Py
How Does Your Attachment Style Affect Your Relationship? An Interview with Bev Mitelman

For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/bev-mitelman/. What is attachment style, and why is knowing your own attachment style important in a relationship? Our guest in this episo…

For the video of thi…

For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/bev-mitelman/. What is attachment style, and why is knowing your own attachment style important in a relationship? Our guest in this episode is Bev Mitelman, a Certified Attachment Practitioner, who helps her clients understand their attachment styles and helps them in their journey toward a secure attachment style that facilitates better relationships. Bev’s website is https://securelyloved.com/. Do you have ideas for topics or guests for our podcast? Go to https://ctin7.com and send us a message. And you can also sign up for Dr.…

Listen · 57:16
Can Psychedelic Therapy Benefit Couples? An Interview With Dr. Steven Radowitz &Raquo; Team Steven Radowitz Sq J3Ert4
Can Psychedelic Therapy Benefit Couples? An Interview with Dr. Steven Radowitz

For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/steven-radowitz/. Our guest in this episode is Dr. Steven Radowitz, who is the Chief Medical Officer of a program that uses ketamine and o…

For the video of thi…

For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/steven-radowitz/. Our guest in this episode is Dr. Steven Radowitz, who is the Chief Medical Officer of a program that uses ketamine and other psychedelic therapies to treat a wide variety of issues. Dr. Radowitz tells us how he helps people with psychedelics, and how that work can benefit couples as well as individuals. You can find out more about Dr. Radowitz’s work at https://nushama.com/. Do you have ideas for topics or guests for our podcast? Go to https://ctin7.com and send us a message. And you can also sign up for Dr. Chal…

Listen · 39:51
Accountability And Relationships: An Interview With Robert J. Hunt &Raquo; Logo With J And B 2 Whfnge
Accountability and Relationships: An Interview with Robert J. Hunt

For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/robert-j-hunt/. What is accountability, and why is it important both in work relationships and in couples? Our guest in this episode is Ro…

For the video of thi…

For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/robert-j-hunt/. What is accountability, and why is it important both in work relationships and in couples? Our guest in this episode is Robert J. Hunt, who has co-written a book about why accountability is important and how to embrace it. Robert’s website is https://nobodycaresbook.com/. Do you have ideas for topics or guests for our podcast? Go to https://ctin7.com and send us a message. And you can also sign up for Dr. Chalmer’s newsletter right from our homepage. Our sponsor is The Blue Tent: Erotic Tales from the Bible by La…

Listen · 43:43
Tantric Dating, Mating, And Relating: An Interview With Catherine Auman &Raquo; Catherine Auman Pink Dkctme
Tantric Dating, Mating, and Relating: An Interview with Catherine Auman

For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/catherine-auman/. What is tantra? How can sex be a spiritual experience, more than simply a way to give and receive pleasure? What is tran…

For the video of thi…

For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/catherine-auman/. What is tantra? How can sex be a spiritual experience, more than simply a way to give and receive pleasure? What is transpersonal psychology, and how does it differ from traditional psychology? Our guest in this episode, Catherine Auman, is a psychotherapist with advanced training in both traditional and spiritual psychology, and we discuss those topics and more. Catherine’s website is https://catherineauman.com. Do you have ideas for topics or guests for our podcast? Go to https://ctin7.com and send us a message…

Listen · 47:52
Negotiating Polyamory: An Interview With Anneke Elmhirst &Raquo; Anneke Elmhirst Av58T2
Negotiating Polyamory: An Interview with Anneke Elmhirst

For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/anneke-elmhirst/. Interested in the possibilities of polyamory? What are those possibilities? What can go wrong? Our guest in this episode…

For the video of thi…

For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/anneke-elmhirst/. Interested in the possibilities of polyamory? What are those possibilities? What can go wrong? Our guest in this episode, Anneke Elmhirst, helps people explore those questions. Polyamorous herself, Anneke talks about how she works with people to help them discover their own path. We also talk with Anneke about her experiences as a behavioral analyst with neurodivergent kids, and why she ultimately decided to leave that field because she recognized her own moral and ethical standards weren’t consistent with that w…

Listen · 53:46

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