By Jerry Zezima The great humorist Erma Bombeck said that no one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I’m glad Erma was right because otherwise my wife, Sue, and I would now be in the Great Bed, Bath & Beyond. We spent the better part of a week in the sack while being […]
By Jerry Zezima You don’t need a master’s degree in nuclear engineering to put furniture together. But I’m glad my son-in-law has one. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have a nice new love seat and a set of matching chairs on the patio. When it comes to home improvement, I am the epitome of DIY: Dimwitted Incompetent […]
By Jerry Zezima My wife has ants in her plants. She also has rabbits and squirrels and birds, oh, my! These creatures have been eating the vegetables in Sue’s garden. In retaliation, my green-thumbed sweetheart has been waging a constant battle to stop the pesky invaders from decimating the fruits of her labors. “They’re destroying […]
By Jerry Zezima I’ve got a ticket to hide. Actually, I’ve got four tickets that the Connecticut Department of Motor Vehicles thought I was trying to hide. I plead ignorance, which I can say about practically any situation that involves me, because the parking citations were issued for a car that didn’t belong to me, […]
By Jerry Zezima I’m a mild and lazy guy. That’s the only reason I haven’t been driven stark, raving mad by an evil cabal I am convinced is now running my life and has turned it into one big gaslight job. There is no other explanation for the fact that every business, organization, outlet, entity, […]
By Jerry Zezima There’s no fool like an old fool who tries to keep cool in a pool with granddaughters who prove it’s girls who rule. That’s the lesson I learned from the little mermaids, whose aquatic exploits made me feel like a fish out of water. My wife, Sue, and I were guests at […]
By Jerry Zezima According to an old saying, which is reserved for old people like yours truly, the knees are the first things to go. That’s not true for me because my brain went a long time ago. But my knees are in painful pursuit because I recently injured one of them while giving horsey […]
By Jerry Zezima I’m lucky I haven’t won Mega Millions, Powerball or even Lucky 7s. If I did, I’d keel over from shock and never cash in. That is why I’m also lucky to have received a boxful of fun and intriguing items from Luck Shop, a business specializing in the kind of fabulous merchandise […]
By Jerry Zezima Picasso had his Blue Period. And now, I’ve had mine. The difference between us — aside from the important fact that he had talent but is currently deceased — is that Picasso didn’t paint his bathroom. I painted mine. Or at least I painted part of it. And I chose the color: […]
By Jerry Zezima At my age (rapidly approaching a seventh decade of immaturity), I never thought I could be a swimsuit model, the mere sight of which would clear a beach faster than Jaws. But then I saw Martha Stewart on the cover of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue, which I bought for strictly professional […]
