Let’s get practical with an extra dose of reality, ladies. You will likely outlive your husband and therefore the financial decisions you both make.
On a road trip to a fantastic farm to table lunch, my besties shared they never talk Money with their husbands. When I share how much Jon and I DO talk about money, apparently I gave them Anxiety.
From Chief.com, “Women in the United States are projected to control up to $34 trillion in financial assets by 2030. This historic shift—often called the “Great Wealth Transfer”—is driven by women living longer than men and inheriting wealth from the baby Boomer Generation.”
For me, with decades, of wall street under my belt, NOT talking about money gives me a panic. I firmly believe women need to get closer to our money—we will out live our spouse 7 out of 10 times.
Money is the black & white exchange of goods for the benjamins. My childhood money moments left out the details of deep Emotions associated with cold hard cash. When you bring together families, budgeting, financial planning, goals and life together means accounts together (or not).
If and when you want to take a promotion, buy another house, invest, or downgrade or retire, these shifts ultimately become about money.
Watching any reality tv Love story- MONEY always comes into play. (sorry not sorry for the dose of BRAVO similes. ) Kyle (Summer House) started DJ’ing to pay his LoverBoy loans. Craig’s (Southern Charm) pillow empire was initially poo-poo’d by his first love, Naomi, now he’s making millions on his Retail pillow case business. Love is Blind confusion over finances usually comes up AFTER they marry and Divorce by the reunions.
Money is a BIG deal.
A money talk is a career talk.
A Marriage without money talks puts both spouses in a long term bind.
All of my clients want crave career & life shifts, upgrades turn to entrepreneurship.
I wish we could have only 2 labels for money (savers or spenders). BUT, we’d be forgetting the emotional money component. Did they want to work towards a goal (Retirement) or live without fear (their dad died of a heart attack).
Without a money language definition, we assume the your partner is being careless or controlling or unrealistic or rigid. In reality, they are just operating from a different internal reference point.
saving or spending.
AND
detail or big picture.
They shape how someone sees risk, opportunity, and responsibility before they ever make a decision.
In Belle Burden’s Strangers marriage memoir, she avoids deeper conversations about money throughout her marriage. She does not push back very much on her now-ex’s wishes to change the prenup.
Often, it’s more than account balances, it’s about how to communicate. Money becomes the proxy language for everything else we don’t know how to say clearly: safety, freedom, control, trust, fear, desire, and even love.
Conversations about spending, saving, Investing, or rarely stay about numbers for long. Without borders, they turn into character judgments. They turn into quiet resentment or loud disagreement.
But what if the issue isn’t the money at all?
What if the issue is that we are all speaking different internal languages when we talk about it?
That is where Money Languages Quiz becomes useful as a translation tool for communication.
Once you understand how someone is wired around money, you stop arguing about what is “right” and start understanding what is actually being protected, expressed, or pursued.
Start by sharing what your money language then start. You can be a Director, Expander, Analyst,
45-60 mins The longer conversations go, the more defensive we get. It’s so comforting to know there is an end to the uncomfortable stuff.
If, for example, you know your spouse wants the make the bed with all of the decorative pillows lined up, the duvet folded an inch under pillows, but you don’t care, now is the time to make your side of the bed, fancy shams and all.
Tactically, If you are big picture thinker—how can you dive into a FEW details for your partner? If you are a detailed person—how can you bring a few things up a LEVEL? See things from their perspective for this 45 minute timed chat.
Retirement can be 20+ years off or feel like ‘forever’. Anything very long term should to be managed with your Financial Advisor.‘How will we operate our money for the next 3-6 months’—This helps shorten the window. Talking about 1/2 of a year helps reduce Stress, too.
Instead Ask—’What is our biggest priority as a couple for the second half of the year?’ (from lawns to parties to schools to new suits to house projects).
If something has bothered you about your husband’s spending lately, bring ONLY. 1-2 discussion points to this conversation. Create time where each of you get to share what’s upsetting them without the other person being able to reply in the moment. (‘I didn’t understand why we upgraded our phones this month when we just had to get a new roof.’ “why did the 401k allocation change without talking to me first?’ )
Most often, clients fear bringing up their true desires about work. This ranges from starting a business, going from part time to full time and everything in between. Within the set time, talk sincerely about what type of change you crave and the timeline. Dive into the brass tack details here. (“If I go part time at work I lose the Health benefits, what does this do to our Family’s healthcare costs.)
BONUS: follow ups, by when, is help needed (accountant, etc)? Avoiding these talks only leads to further fear or resentment.
The goal is NOT to make everyone the same around money. It would be like trying to force a vegetarian to eat meat. Maybe they will try a new veggie or sauce but trying protein isn’t in the card.
A career shift that is aligned AND financially sound requires you to be flexible long enough that money language differencesstop feeling threatening.
When that happens, money stops being a source of friction and starts becoming what it was always meant to be: a shared tool for building a life that actually works for everyone involved.
Before you go…
✨ If money is your next hurdle, you should also read There is no I in abundance. It’s about how to think about how to make an aligned career shifts.
🎧 The Visualization Vault is free & I have 4 mediations, one for each money language.
💬 Ready to work towards abundance and out of a lack mentality? 1:1 sessions are where we take this from insight into real change.
