As most of you know my husband died September 18. It was my turn to walk on the other side of hospice. He was diagnosed in May with cancer of the lung. At 89, we decided treatment would hinder his quality of living. At 89, any disruption of our “normal” can turn into a downward […]
I often do some of my best thinking during those hours at night when I am awake. Recently, as I tried to go back to sleep at 3:30 AM, I started thinking about comfort care and morphine use during the end of life process. Picture this: there is breathing distress while the hospice nurse is present. She […]
When it comes to looking at how long someone diagnosed with a life-threatening illness has to live, we tend to give people more time than they actually have.Doctors do it, family does it. It is the hospice nurse or end of life doula’s job to be the realist, to guide all present. Families give more […]
I talk a lot about eating and not eating as a person approaches the end of their life. I remind people that our body eats to live and that when the body is preparing to die, all by itself, it cuts back and stops eating. The person reaches a place where they just can’t eat […]
Dear Barbara, my mother has progressive cancer. She has refused hospice because she wants to go to the emergency room if she needs to. We’ve had hospice for two other family members and they were wonderful. I am so disappointed she won’t accept their help. I need their help. She lives alone. I live several […]
When dying a gradual death, there are a variety of dynamics and patterns, as well as the individual’s personality that makes each death unique. Yet as unique as each death is, there are also commonalities. In the months before death from disease, and often years before death from old age, parts of our personality begin to […]
Pain at end of life is so misunderstood. It seems like the letters I receive from family members saying “Hospice gave my mom morphine and they killed her” are increasing instead of decreasing. SO here are my thoughts on how to help our families: education, education, education. Before beginning use of morphine or fentanyl sit […]
When doctors and healthcare professionals place a number on how long someone has to live, they are doing that person a disservice. We have the right to be told about our disease, its progression, and the options of care and their expected outcomes. We need to know what the probability of our being cured is […]
I was thinking about birth and death at three o’clock this morning. I know most people are asleep at that hour—hopefully. I was thinking how similar they are and that they create a circle. A circle of life. We go through labor to get into this world. It can be easy and gentle […]
“I’m so angry! I’m angry that he is sick. I am angry that I’m angry that he is sick.” “I feel guilty that I’m angry. I’d better not tell anyone how angry I feel. They’ll see what a ‘bad’ person I am. I won’t tell anyone——I’m so depressed.” Anger held inward becomes depression. The above […]
