Christmas
The one thing women don’t want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband. Joan Rivers
I love Christmas. I receive lots of wonderful presents. I can’t wait to exchange. Henny Youngman
Marry an orphan. You’ll never have to spend boring Holidays with your in-laws. At most, an occasional visit to the cemetery. George Carlin
The principal advantage of the non-parental Lifestyle is that on Christmas Eve, you need not be struck dumb by the three most terrifying words that the government allows to be printed on any product, “Some Assembly Required.” John Leo
Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa? Bart Simpson
I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark. Dick Gregory
Holiday traditions mean a lot to people, particularly to people in Retail. Michael Feldman
Every idiot who goes about with Merry Christmas on his lips should be boiled with his own pudding and buried with a stake of holly through his heart. Ebenezer Scrooge
December 25th is National Jews Go to the Movies Day. John Stewart
Next to a circus, there ain’t nothin that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit. Kin Hubbard
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