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When I in March unveiled my GoFundMe page, I did so because I believed I needed the whole world for my book to succeed. Now early reviews of “How to Deal With Things That Suck,” and a maelstrom of…

When I in March unve…

When I in March unveiled my GoFundMe page, I did so because I believed I needed the whole world for my book to succeed. Now early reviews of “How to Deal With Things That Suck,” and a maelstrom of news events has me convinced I had it backward.I don’t need the world.The world needs me. Really, who's in worse shape? Audacious, yes. But is the premise  true? Let’s on this day have that

 Parkinson’s update: My left arm shakes to the point of uselessness whenever I’m under duress like, for instance, in the self-checkout aisle at the Giant Eagle. It’s stressful because shoppers …

 Parkinson’s upda…

 Parkinson’s update: My left arm shakes to the point of uselessness whenever I’m under duress like, for instance, in the self-checkout aisle at the Giant Eagle. It’s stressful because shoppers treat it like they're participants in an Olympic event. So there I am struggling under the glare of hyper-efficient shoppers who appear eager to bag me. Just as I’m about to cry a woman emerges from

 The Lance Cowan story isn’t just one of the best stories in country music. It’s one of the best stories in the country itself. It’s a story of devotion, patience, self-belief, humility and a r…

 The Lance Cowan st…

 The Lance Cowan story isn’t just one of the best stories in country music. It’s one of the best stories in the country itself. It’s a story of devotion, patience, self-belief, humility and a recognition so long overdue it seems like a cultural crime.It’s not a story about making petulant demands. It doesn’t whine about how it was treated unfairly. It doesn’t want to punch anyone in the

 I suppose it’d be safe to say after three nights in the hospital and a five hour surgery that my back problems are all behind me.But that reaction might be either a bit rosy and open to anatomic…

 I suppose it’d b…

 I suppose it’d be safe to say after three nights in the hospital and a five hour surgery that my back problems are all behind me.But that reaction might be either a bit rosy and open to anatomical  confusion. Think about it. Aren’t even future back problems all behind us and can the back ever be described  the front?I’ll try and come  back to this.Let’s

 I’m getting my back operated on Wednesday at Montefiore Hospital in Pittsburgh. I have many concerns, foremost being it could be a really elaborate hoax. If everyone is in on the joke, how will I …

 I’m getting my b…

 I’m getting my back operated on Wednesday at Montefiore Hospital in Pittsburgh. I have many concerns, foremost being it could be a really elaborate hoax. If everyone is in on the joke, how will I know they even operated? I’m 62 years old and have never once laid eyes on the part of the body — my own goddamned body — where they said they’ll be making the incision.There’s a reason the

The venerable Washington Post lost $77 million in 2023. I read that and felt an unseemly flush of superiority over the brainy  conglomerate that runs the place.I lost way, way less than that — and …

The venerable Washin…

The venerable Washington Post lost $77 million in 2023. I read that and felt an unseemly flush of superiority over the brainy  conglomerate that runs the place.I lost way, way less than that — and I’m all alone by myself!Still, the twin losses are indicative of the fiscal perils for those of us who seek to make Money telling stories. For years, supporters have urged me to try a Go Fund Me

My annual Exercise in ego ... it's tweets of the year, 2024 edition!• I was regretful the instant I opened my mouth. I'd lit into the  poor bastard. "You're a terrible bore! You tell the same damne…

My annual exercise i…

My annual exercise in ego ... it's tweets of the year, 2024 edition!• I was regretful the instant I opened my mouth. I'd lit into the  poor bastard. "You're a terrible bore! You tell the same damned stories over and over and over." The bartender just shook her head and said, dude, you're part of the problem. I looked around the bar and it dawned on me, yeah, she's right. The bar was empty. I

 I’ve been witness to the phenomenon in the cities and the country and I’ve come to conclude our greatest untapped source of natural clean energy is cleaner energy. I’m talking about all the en…

 I’ve been witnes…

 I’ve been witness to the phenomenon in the cities and the country and I’ve come to conclude our greatest untapped source of natural clean energy is cleaner energy. I’m talking about all the energy that is created and spent by people obsessed with cleaning things that are already perfectly clean.Cleaner energy is all the time, strategizing and horse power anal retentive home owners 

 It pains me to on this day, this day of all days, to inform it's time to mourne the death of Kamala.And by “we,” I mean partisans on both sides because Kamala made a big impact.How could she do …

 It pains me to on …

 It pains me to on this day, this day of all days, to inform it's time to mourne the death of Kamala.And by “we,” I mean partisans on both sides because Kamala made a big impact.How could she do otherwise?The old babe weighed more than 3 tons. Cause of death?I’ll not fault those of you who are betting it was obesity.But, no, this Kamala was euthanized. Osteoarthritis had put the

 Arnold Palmer was in the news this weekend.Well, part of him was in the news.For you innocents out there, I’m referring to his genitalia. One of the two major party candidates for the office o…

 Arnold Palmer was …

 Arnold Palmer was in the news this weekend.Well, part of him was in the news.For you innocents out there, I’m referring to his genitalia. One of the two major party candidates for the office of U.S. president talked about Palmer’s penis as if it were the club he carried with him where ever he went.Care to take a wild guess as to which candidate broached the subject?It caused a

 First of all, I’m not a paid spokesperson for the Tin Lizzy so you can take my word that what I’m about to tell you is genuine. Having said that, I confess to every time I get my PA driver’s l…

 First of all, I’…

 First of all, I’m not a paid spokesperson for the Tin Lizzy so you can take my word that what I’m about to tell you is genuine. Having said that, I confess to every time I get my PA driver’s license renewed I for reasons I can not explain add another fraudulent inch to my height.My license says I’m 5’11. I’m actually 5’7.My goal is to live long enough to possess a license that says I’m 6’2.

Has this ever happened to you? Someone tells you they write books and you’re not sure how to react. Here’s a tip: Be very afraid. You’ve just met a person of ruthless determination. That person…

Has this ever happen…

Has this ever happened to you? Someone tells you they write books and you’re not sure how to react. Here’s a tip: Be very afraid. You’ve just met a person of ruthless determination. That person stares down one blank page and vows, “I’m going to fill this vast emptiness with so much compelling and original thought that readers I’ve never met will not only absorb every word, but they’ll