By Jerry Zezima My wife’s car is for the birds. So I took it to a car wash. Sue asked me to take care of business after a fouling flock that nests in a big oak whose branches overhang the driveway did its business all over her previously pristine vehicle. That’s how I ended up […]
By Jerry Zezima When I think of the dogs I’ve had in my life — my boyhood pooch, Daisy; my adulthood companion, Lizzie; and my granddog, Maggie — the thing I remember best is that they were always happy to see me. And they proved it by barking excitedly and slobbering all over my pants. […]
By Jerry Zezima My grandchildren are the apples of my eye. So it was only fitting that I was hit in the eye by a falling fruit while apple picking with the kiddies. Chloe, 9, and her sister, Lilly, almost 6, witnessed the senseless attack, which occurred during an otherwise pleasant visit to a farm […]
By Jerry Zezima Of all the memorable things that happened during our granddaughters’ first sleepover in two years — getting vanilla frosting all over the kitchen table after making cupcakes, almost freezing to death in an inflatable pool that promptly deflated, and eating charred popcorn while watching “Encanto” for the 87th time — the one […]
By Jerry Zezima The main difference between me and my car — aside from the alarming fact that my fluids need to be changed twice a night — is that I don’t come with an extended warranty. But I am expecting to get a phone call about the coverage on my brand-new vehicle any minute […]
By Jerry Zezima What happens to an immature geezer whose five grandchildren meet for the very first time and spend the better part of a week splashing at the beach, romping at a family reunion, gawking at sea creatures in the aquarium, riding the carousel, going out to lunch and otherwise having the time of […]
By Jerry Zezima When it comes to horsing around, I am a champion with my granddaughters. And I recently proved it on a carousel in a photo finish with Chloe and Lilly, who accompanied me to the winner’s circle in our very own version of the Kentucky Derby. I may never make it to Churchill […]
By Jerry Zezima Three days after receiving a patent for the telephone in 1876, Alexander Graham Bell placed a call to his assistant, Thomas Watson. Here is a transcript of the conversation. Bell: “Watson, come here. I want you.” Watson: “What?” Bell: “Come here.” Watson: “Who is this?” Bell: “Bell.” Watson: (Inaudible) Bell (yelling): “Can […]
By Jerry Zezima Take it from a man with dishpan hands, one of the great mysteries of the universe doesn’t involve flying saucers, although they are frequently spotted with coffee stains and break into tiny pieces if they fly off the kitchen counter. No, the question that has baffled husbands for decades is this: If […]
By Jerry Zezima Something fishy is going on in my house. And it’s a matter of life and death. That’s because Camilla, the latest in our endless series of pet fish, tragically went belly-up, something these little creatures tend to do with dismaying frequency. Mayflies are like Methuselah compared to some of the fish we […]
