By Jerry Zezima I do windows. They’re a pain in the neck, especially if I stick my neck out the window to clean a pane, but spring has sprung and, even though I am no spring chicken, I have to spring into action to do the spring cleaning that gives me a window into my […]
By Jerry Zezima In case I am run out of the country, which is probably inevitable but would give me a great reason to have my own travel show, I just renewed my passport. “Now I can visit my mother,” I told Jenn, a very nice postal employee who helped me and my wife, Sue, […]
By Jerry Zezima I have a bone to pick with the slobs who have been dumping chicken bones and other garbage on our front lawn. But make no bones about it, I will catch these birdbrains because my wife, Sue, and I recently installed a home security system to capture their fowl deeds. This is […]
By Jerry Zezima Most people would say — especially in the winter, when insects are vacationing in Florida — that they wouldn’t hurt a fly. Not my wife. Sue wouldn’t hurt anything else, including me, even though I’m the biggest pest in the house, but she doesn’t like flies. Or ants. Or spiders. Or any […]
By Jerry Zezima Romance is in my blood. And I recently proved it by taking my wife for bloodwork. On our anniversary. It was the most romantic thing I have done for Sue since I took her to a landfill on our anniversary four years ago. I’m surprised she didn’t leave me there. It’s a […]
By Jerry Zezima If the remains of Jimmy Hoffa are ever found, ending a nearly half-century search for the notorious union boss, I know just where they will be: My office. That’s because I am in the middle of one of the biggest cleanups of all time, one that not only rivals the most ambitious […]
By Jerry Zezima I haven’t taken a bath since the Johnson administration (Lyndon, not Andrew) and it looks like the drought will continue because boys aren’t allowed in our newly renovated bathroom. That is the edict handed down by our three granddaughters, ages 11, 7 and 4. Even before the renovation began, they taped a […]
By Jerry Zezima I have always believed that exercise and health food will kill you. This explains why I live in deathly fear of broccoli and don’t do anything more strenuous than getting up twice a night to go to the bathroom. But now that I have reached the ripe old age of 70, and […]
By Jerry Zezima My wife and I are in better shape than our house. That’s saying something — I don’t know what, but it probably can’t be repeated in polite company — because Sue and I are 70 and our house is 50. Despite the age difference, our joints hurt less than our joint. We […]
By Jerry Zezima Jerry had a little lamb. It was a shade of paint. It went right on the bathroom wall. The fumes could make you faint. That’s the nursery rhyme I composed while painting the wall of a bathroom in our house. Fortunately, I wasn’t overcome by fumes, which might have improved the creative […]
