By Jerry Zezima How many newspaper columnists does it take to change a lightbulb? If the columnist is yours truly, the answer is zero. That’s why, after proving to be too dim to perform this simple task, I gave up and called Kevin the Electrician. Kevin had been over recently to help install our new […]
By Jerry Zezima My 7-year-old grandson wants to be a paleontologist when he grows up. I, his 70-year-old grandfather, have given him a head start because, let’s face it, I’m a fossil. And I know a lot about prehistoric life. That’s why I should be a tour guide at my grandson’s favorite place, the Museum […]
By Jerry Zezima A great many people have told me where to go, but I’m not inclined to listen because it’s hot enough here. Still, the question of where my wife, Sue, and I would go if we sold our house keeps coming up because a great many people have said they want to buy […]
By Jerry Zezima I don’t want to give lip service to elections, one of which is coming up in the fall, but I recently won a contest by a vote so overwhelming that it amounted to much more than a whisker. That’s why, thanks to the support of my grandchildren, who are not too young […]
By Jerry Zezima This pudgy piggy went to the shoe store. This pudgy piggy did, too. This pudgy piggy wanted flip-flops. This pudgy piggy bought two. This pudgy piggy cried OMG, all the way home! And that, boys and girls, is the story of my recent footwear adventure. It all began when my wife, Sue, […]
By Jerry Zezima When it comes to stress, I put others to the test. That’s why my cardiologist ordered a stress test for me. “Now that you’re 70, you should have one,” he said. “Have you ever had a stress test?” “I can’t remember,” I answered. “Why?” the doctor asked. “Because,” I said, “I’m 70.” […]
By Jerry Zezima I like to think I’m hot. I like to think I’m cool, too. In reality, I am neither — unless I have to stick a big, heavy air conditioner in the bedroom window and another in the office window, in which case, if I even survive, I am both. For the past […]
By Jerry Zezima Since my cardiologist put me on a Mediterranean diet, I have been looking forward to a daily meal of spaghetti and meatballs or a few slices of pepperoni pizza. Instead, I get the uneasy feeling I will be eating prodigious quantities of another Italian-sounding food: zucchini. To put it mildly, I am […]
By Jerry Zezima When it comes to croquet, a leisurely game that sounds like it involves chickens, I cannot mend my wicket ways. That’s because I am not very good at it. Proof came when my wife, Sue, who makes delicious chicken croquettes and recently bought a croquet set, soundly defeated me in a backyard […]
By Jerry Zezima As a geezer who can barely make it up the dozen steps in my house without getting winded, I never thought I would make it up and down 2,500 steps at a baseball stadium without keeling over, being carted off the field and finishing the season on the disabled list. But I […]
