By Jerry Zezima Now that my office has new flooring and is finally so clean that it could win an award from Good Housekeeping, I am turning over a new leaf. Actually, 17 new leaves, which belong to a houseplant that my wife, Sue, gave to me so I could have someone (or something) to […]

By Jerry Zezima As a newspaper columnist whose specialty is doing nothing and writing about it, I thought I had a dream job. Then I met Raminder, a technician whose job was to watch me dream and record what I did in bed — it was nothing to write home about — during a sleep […]

By Jerry Zezima Every 10 years, my internal clock, which I inadvertently swallowed while eating Jell-O, reminds me to have a colonoscopy. Unfortunately, the sulfate solution I took to wash down the Jell-O and everything else I ingested on my one-day liquid preparation diet would have lost to sewer sludge in a blind taste test. […]

By Jerry Zezima You can make book on the fact that I’m not a guy to sweep things under the rug. But you may be floored to know that I brought the hammer down on our latest home improvement project. That’s why I had to clean my office of enough books to bury Moby-Dick so […]

By Jerry Zezima I like to think I’m a tough cookie, but my sweet tooth, which may have a cavity, can’t resist the treats sold every year by the Girl Scouts. That’s why I have bought two boxes of cookies from my 8-year-old granddaughter, who represents the third generation of Girl Scouts in our family. […]

By Jerry Zezima When you’re retired, you don’t live in the fast lane. In fact, my wife, Sue, and I are on the side of the road with a flat tire. The tradeoff is that you can’t get fired from a job you don’t have. Still, there has been great concern by a certain prominent […]

By Jerry Zezima To sleep — perchance to snore. Ay, there’s the rib, which my wife, Sue, pokes every time I snore while she’s trying to sleep. My unconscious imitation of a buzzsaw, which I allegedly do often enough that Sue has to go into another room to get a good night’s slumber, is the […]

By Jerry Zezima When you’re a grandparent, you want only the best for the newest addition to the family. That’s why my wife, Sue, and I went shopping in anticipation of baby’s first visit and came home with everything the little one needs, including a bowl for food, one for water, a stick for teething, […]

By Jerry Zezima Row, row, row my seat swiftly down the track. Warily, warily, warily, warily, my body’s out of whack. That’s the tune I sang to myself — because I didn’t want to scare everyone else at the gym — as I rocked and rolled on a rowing machine under the expert guidance of […]

By Jerry Zezima No matter what I do, whether it’s good, bad or just plain stupid, my wife, Sue, has my back. And I have hers. But lately, neither one of us has wanted to make the exchange. That’s because we both threw our backs out. I injured mine while cleaning the bathroom, which is […]