By Jerry Zezima My heart surgeon told me to take a hike, so I bought a pedometer. Then he told me that my surgery was canceled and I didn’t have to take a hike. But I already had the pedometer. So I took a hike. It was a walk in the park — or, actually, […]
By Jerry Zezima According to an old saying, which can probably be attributed to my neighbors, the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. But now that my neighbors have installed a new fence, and a landscaper has worked turf magic on my once-barren property, I can happily say that the […]
By Jerry Zezima I was born during a blizzard, I am all wet even during droughts and, perhaps a contributing factor to global warming, I am full of hot air. This alone would qualify me to be a television weather expert. But I have made it official by buying a rain gauge and an outdoor […]
By Jerry Zezima If there is one thing that will make your heart pound faster than finding out you need cardiac surgery, it’s finding out, mere hours before the operation, that you don’t. Thus did my supposedly faulty ticker skip several beats when my cardiovascular surgeon called me the day before surgery was scheduled and […]
By Jerry Zezima When you’re scheduled to have heart surgery, nothing tests your heart more than pre-surgical testing. I have had more tests than I ever had in school. Fortunately, I have passed them all, which is more than I can say for the tests I took during my ignominious academic career, when I regularly […]
By Jerry Zezima If you need open-heart surgery, as I do, the best person to perform it is a plumber. Who also happens to be a cardiovascular and thoracic surgeon. In my case, that would be Dr. John Goncalves, whose impressive credentials qualify him to operate at Home Depot. “I’m a plumber,” the good doctor […]
By Jerry Zezima As much as I appreciate receiving a daily barrage of email pitches for fat removers, teeth aligners, night vision binoculars and other amazing products I can’t possibly live without, I subscribe to the theory that I can’t unsubscribe from stuff to which I never subscribed. That’s the quandary I can’t seem to […]
By Jerry Zezima Ever since my wife, Sue, has been out of commission with an injured hand, which required surgery and has prevented her from performing important tasks like keeping me alive, I have had a whole laundry list of things to do. At the top is — how did you ever guess? — laundry. […]
By Jerry Zezima If it weren’t for my wife, I would have starved to death long ago. If it weren’t for me, we both would have starved — or we would have had to eat out every night for a while — because Sue recently had surgery on her right hand and couldn’t cook. That […]
By Jerry Zezima An apple a day may keep the doctor away, but it won’t keep me away from the doctor. That’s because I have reached an age — the big 7-Oh — where medical appointments have become a major part of my life. I have been making so many trips to see one doctor […]
