By Jerry Zezima My orthodontist is a gem. That’s why he suggested I buy an ultrasonic retainer cleaner that my wife can wash her jewelry in. I got retainers several years ago when I decided to go straight, not because I was a crooked jewel thief, but because two of my teeth were crooked and […]
By Jerry Zezima When you get to be a certain age — in my case, old — you tend to run hot and cold, which not only is true but also rhymes. The reason is that no matter what the temperature is inside or outside, it’s either too hot or too cold. That is why […]
By Jerry Zezima Since I am in the holiday spirit (and, having just consumed a mug of hot toddy, a glass of eggnog and a nip of cheer, the holiday spirits are in me), I have decided to follow in that great tradition of boring everyone silly by writing a Christmas letter. That is why […]
By Jerry Zezima Whenever I pull a prank, which generally involves my grandchildren, whose maturity level is way above mine, I think outside the box. This is a wise strategy because I can’t fit inside the box. And even if I could, the air supply to my brain would be cut off and I’d be […]
By Jerry Zezima When it comes to shaving, I’m two-faced. One face I have been scraping with a blade since I was a teenager more than five decades ago, the other I recently started buzzing with an electric razor. Neither face will make me a Hollywood star unless I stop shaving altogether and get the […]
By Jerry Zezima My mother was the life of her 100th birthday party. She also was the star in our little family band — three children, one daughter-in-law, five grandchildren, three grandchildren’s spouses and five great-grandchildren — who gathered at Zody’s 19th Hole, a popular restaurant at the E. Gaynor Brennan Municipal Golf Course in […]
By Jerry Zezima Ever since I became a grandfather, and have proudly remained the most immature member of the family, I have often been asked if I spoil my grandchildren. “No,” I always reply. “That’s my wife’s job. My job is to corrupt them.” This makes me supremely qualified to be a grandparent coach. I […]
By Jerry Zezima My heart surgeon told me to take a hike, so I bought a pedometer. Then he told me that my surgery was canceled and I didn’t have to take a hike. But I already had the pedometer. So I took a hike. It was a walk in the park — or, actually, […]
By Jerry Zezima According to an old saying, which can probably be attributed to my neighbors, the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. But now that my neighbors have installed a new fence, and a landscaper has worked turf magic on my once-barren property, I can happily say that the […]
By Jerry Zezima I was born during a blizzard, I am all wet even during droughts and, perhaps a contributing factor to global warming, I am full of hot air. This alone would qualify me to be a television weather expert. But I have made it official by buying a rain gauge and an outdoor […]
