In this episode of the EZ Conversations podcast, I welcome Kim Harms, who shares her profound experiences dealing with loss and Grief. Kim, a former dentist and the first woman president of the Minnesota Dental Association, speaks candidly about losing her son and mother to suicide, and her husband to heart failure. Despite these tragedies, Kim has found peace and acceptance, which she attributes to contemplating her mortality. She discusses the importance of preparing for death, building a meaningful legacy, and managing grief. Kim offers practical advice on the importance of Mental Health, addressing family dynamics, and the value of creating a supportive community. This episode provides listeners with insightful reflections on life, purpose, and how to find joy despite significant loss.

Dr. Kimberly Harms has been around the block in life. She has served as a Commissioned Officer in the United States Public Health Service, a dental school professor, a grief counsellor, a death doula, a civil mediator, a clinical dentist with her late husband Jim in Farmington MN, a school board Chair, President of an international women’s organization, the first woman President of the Minnesota Dental Association, a National Spokesperson for the American Dental Association (21 years), an award-winning, best selling author and international speaker on the topics of grief, conflict and legacy planning. She has also suffered many personal losses, including the deaths by suicide of her mother and son and the death by the broken heart of her husband after their son’s death. Her most important role now is mother to her two surviving children and grandmother to 6 precious grandchildren.

00:00 Introduction and Personal Reflections

01:00 Guest’s Background and Personal Losses

03:54 Coping with the Loss of a Child

09:04 Mental Health and Family History

14:17 Grieving Differently and Marital Resilience

17:47 Facing Widowhood and Finding Support

21:08 Professional Pivot and Finding Purpose

21:48 From Dentistry to Legacy Building

22:31 The Importance of Legacy Planning

23:17 Changing Perspectives on Death

24:30 Building Positive Legacies

25:37 The Value of Relationships

26:42 Personal Reflections on Legacy

33:37 Practical Tips for End-of-Life Planning

39:10 Facing Death with Faith and Humor

43:16 Concluding Thoughts and Resources

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Furkhan Dandia Therapist and Coach

I am a men's coach, therapist, group facilitator, podcaster and author. My journey began five years ago when I was going through a separation. I found myself alone and in a shame spiral that our culture and society covertly exert on people due to the perceived "failure" of a marriage. Unfortunately, I personalized that message which led me to fall deeper into a hole, causing me to surround myself with people that did not serve me and engage in substance abuse. While seeking therapy, I was not making the wholesale changes I needed.

As part of my experience with therapy, I realized that I am not alone in the challenges men my age experience (I separated at the age of 34/35). I realized I could be a voice for men like myself and offer support in this space. In the middle of the pandemic, I applied for a Master's degree in Psychology to become a therapist. This change was a significant shift for me as I worked in the corporate world as an engineer. Once I leaned into the space of supporting other men, I also started a podcast to normalize these difficult conversations and started a men's group a year later with the support of a friend.

I thought I was giving something back when I started the men's group. However, I quickly realized I was getting substantially more from the connections I built than I initially anticipated. It was also something I needed because I was going through another breakup.

At that point, I also realized that I had not taken the time to heal, and I was outsourcing my healing through romantic relationships, substances, material acquisitions and superficial relationships. I decided to step away from the outgoing lifestyle and started to focus on my healing which was another phase of evolution for me on my journey. Over the last year and a half, I have become mindful of the people I spend my time with. I have cleaned my lifestyle of substances, toxic environments and behaviours. I have focused on my sleep, my health and my knowledge. I have improved my spiritual relationship with myself, which was lacking the most over the past five years. This is the best I have felt.

As part of my solitude journey and to find myself again, I also released a book encapsulating my journey, which I hope to share with others. My book is titled: The Pursuit of Self-Love.