Observing Wrongdoing In Silence Is Complicity
Earlier in my adulthood, as a white heterosexual male, it was not rare for me to be in the company of others who made racist, sexist, or other bigoted comments by other white males who felt licensed to do so because of our shared race and sex. While I won’t pretend that I was always holier-than-thou in this regard, my inclusive values and positive life experiences with people who are different than me made a very accepting, non-bigoted person. I’ve always had friends of various races, religions, ages, and sexual orientations. But only in the past few years have I achieved the status of being actively anti-racist, anti-sexist, and anti-agist (the last one has been pretty easy to do at my age).
Until fairly recently, I was pretty proud of myself for being a passive non-bigot. By that I mean that I didn’t join the conversation when people were putting other types of people down. Sometimes I even made a disgusted face to register my displeasure. But I rarely confronted the wrongdoer – whether s/he was making a derogatory remark about someone behind their back or because I observed someone treating another person unfairly and favoring another person or group. That made me a non-bigot, but it didn’t make me an anti-bigot.
An anti-bigot is someone who stands up for what is right by and actively confronts wrongdoing by addressing the issue with the offender and supporting the victim. An anti-bigot supports causes that are designed to make the world a better place for all.
I’ve found that doing right doesn’t always have to be as stressful as it may be feared. Many people treat others unfairly because that’s how they’ve been brought up, and some are not even conscious of the fact that their behavior reflects the fact that they are favoring someone who is more like them. For example, some really good teachers had “teacher’s pets” who behaved more like that teacher’s standards while being intolerant of energetic and impulsive bright students. I’ve found that a reasonable number of people acknowledge how their behavior could be reflective of bias when it’s pointed out to them, and they commit to making an effort to change when it’s pointed out to them.
Having said that, it is fair to recognize that some people justify their bigotry out of ignorance and are unwilling to change. I also recognize that some members of disenfranchised groups behave in ways that don’t respect – and that’s wrong. Wrongdoing should be addressed, no matter who is doing wrong. Unless you are putting yourself in harm’s way, observing wrongdoing in silence is complicity. Participating in it is even worse.
And you’re better than that!
