Bullying is Still a Problem – Even at Our Age!
Photo by Andrej Lisakov on Unsplash+
Marsha’s mother took to assisted living with the same enthusiasm she brought to all aspects of her life. She joined the book club, attended concerts, and made friends in the dining room. But Marsha noticed on recent visits that her mother is suddenly withdrawn. She avoids the same activities she once enjoyed. Is she having a health problem she won’t talk about, Marsha wonders, or is she depressed?
There’s another possibility to consider: Marsha’s mother may be the target of a bully in her community. Bullying is a serious problem in places where older adults gather.
Psychology researchers have turned more attention to bullying in the past two decades, partly in response to a spate of school shootings, some of them perpetrated by students who had been targeted by bullies. Most of the attention, not surprisingly, has focused on bullying among children and adolescents.
But bullying remains a problem as people age. An AARP survey in 2015 estimated between 10% and 20% of adults in senior living communities are targets of bullying; the low number is reported incidents, while the higher figure adds an estimate of unreported incidents. Many adults don’t report for fear of reprisals.
Why Here? Why Now?
Bullying is particularly prevalent in places where seniors gather for several reasons. Bullying behavior is usually about gaining control over others. Some adults have difficulty with the transition from living independently in their own home to requiring more care in a group setting. They feel out of control and powerless; taking their frustrations out on others is an attempt to regain a sense of control. It’s also true that most older adults have not experienced communal living in many years, if ever, and they may be rusty on the rules of common courtesy. It’s not unusual, for example, for an adult to claim a piece of common space as their own private turf.
One other factor affecting bullying of older adults is cognitive decline. Dementia strips a person of the filters and impulse control that made them polite and sociable, and for some the result is uncivil words and behaviors.
Those special factors aside, most bullies in senior living communities are the same people who were bullies in their youth – the ones who terrorized the timid and the “abnormal” and passed judgment on who was cool and who was not. Their bullying tactics haven’t changed much since high school. Verbal abuse, which is the form of bullying most seniors report, includes name-calling, insults, threats, and pointed jokes. Targets might be mimicked, shunned, or made the subject of rumors. Older versions of “mean girls” ostracize targets during meals or activities and form exclusive social cliques. Physical bullying is rare, but does happen in the form of pushing, biting, and hair-pulling.
Interestingly enough, studies show that men and women are equally likely to be bullies, as well as equally likely to be the targets of bullying.
Likely Targets
Those at more risk of being targeted tend to be new to the community, vulnerable-looking, quiet and passive, without a support network nearby, heavily dependent on others, or perceived as “different” from the norm in some way.
Bullying is not harmless, and certainly not victimless. Adults targeted by bullies can experience physical and emotional damage, including Anxiety, Depression, and a diminished quality of life. They may feel rejected, isolated, and insecure. Bullying may also worsen a target’s existing health condition and hasten their decline.
But targeted individuals are not the only ones who suffer. If bullying is not addressed, it can create a climate of fear that affects the entire community. Bystanders will hesitate to intervene out of fear that bullies may target them next. Community members may lose trust that staff will protect their own personal safety.
What You Can Do
There are a few things individuals who are targeted can do for themselves. They can report the incidents. They can stand up to bullies and defend their rights. They can seek out allies among their peers. They can take courses to build their self-esteem and sense of self-worth.
But the burden of responsibility for standing up to bullying rests squarely on the staff of senior residences and centers. Ignoring or tolerating bullying incidents places the entire community’s well-being at risk. Facilities that want to maintain a positive living environment for all need to have clear rules and expectations for older adult and staff behavior. Staff members should be trained to recognize and respond to bullying, and administrators must take reports of bullying seriously – by acting on them promptly and by providing emotional support to the targets of bullying.
If a parent or loved one in a senior setting has had a sudden change of behavior – avoiding events and activities, taking roundabout routes to go to and from common areas, isolating themselves – a bully or a climate of bullying may be the trigger, and worth looking into.
