Reaching out to a Non-Religious Person At End of Life

Dear Barbara, How important is spirituality and how do you reach out to a non-religious person who believes the end is the end?

One of the “End of Life Rules” in supporting someone is to accept them with their belief system. It is not our place to try to share our beliefs, only to support theirs. I let a patient know I will talk about anything, just ask me, but what I’m really doing is getting them to talk, to tell me their beliefs, concerns, and ideas. This is not about me and my beliefs. It is about the patient and family’s belief. I always say if someone believes pink elephants are coming through the door to lead the way, I’ll hold the door open for them to come in. 

So, to answer your question, “How do you reach out to a non-religious person who believes the end is the end?” You don’t. If they want to talk about it they will reach out to you. And then—- We listen. We do not share our beliefs or try to change theirs. 

You ask a good question, “How important is spirituality?” I will add to your question what does the word really mean? I went to my favorite internet friend, Google, and got a variety of definitions:

* Spirituality involves the recognition of a feeling or sense or belief that there is something greater than myself, something more to being human than sensory experience and that the greater whole of which we are part is cosmic or divine in nature. www.rcpsych.ac.uk

* Shamans, healers, sages and wisdom keepers of all times, all continents and all peoples, in their ageless wisdom, say that human spirituality is composed of three aspects: relationships, values and life purpose. www.atoncenter.com

* The quality of being concerned with the human spirit or soul as opposed to material or physical things.——Signs of spirituality: asking deep questions about topics such as suffering and what happens after death; deepening connections with other people; experiencing compassion and empathy for others; experiencing feelings of interconnectedness, feelings of awe and wonder. www.verywellmind.com

* AND my favorite: What’s the difference between religion and spirituality?

Religion: This is a specific set of organized beliefs and practices, usually shared by a community or group. Spirituality: This is more of an individual practice, and has to do with having a sense of peace and purpose. www.au.reachout.com

It is in this definition, “Spirituality: This is more of an individual practice, and has to do with having a sense of peace and purpose” that I find our mission of end of life support and guidance. It’s not about our beliefs, our opinions, or even our concerns. It is about supporting and guiding the person facing the end of their life to see they had a purpose and to experience a sense of peace in that purpose being at its end. I believe it is in that definition we find the spirituality of our work.