Push vs Pull Influencing — from an EQ point of view there is only one long-term winner 🥇

Why anything sustainable can only really rely on Pull-style Influencing

Going into 2025 I decided this was the year I would stop Pushing so much ❌

No, I’m not talking about opening doors or anything to do with Exercise. I’m talking about Influencing Styles 🗣️

What exactly am I talking about?

I’ve been helping people enhance their Influencing Skills for over 15 years and, when I do, I always start with explaining the differences between Push vs Pull.

To do this I ask participants to imagine they are the Incredible Hulk 💪and to picture the following 🤔:

You are fleeing with a human sidekick from some evil super villains who, if they catch you, will tear you limb-from-limb ☠️.

Whilst being pursued, you reach a gap in the path where a bridge used to be 🌉.

You, as the Hulk, are confident you can leap across no problems but you’re worried about the human 😮.

Whilst you are certain they can make the jump, they are not so confident; so you have 2 choices:

1. You can pick them up and throw them over the gap — this will work, it’ll be quick but they may get hurt in the process 🤕
2. You jump across and get them to leap and join you of their own free will — this will invariably take longer but you will build far more trust and belief (especially if you encounter another gap later on) 💪

If you choose option 1, that is the equivalent of a Push technique and option 2 is the equivalent of a Pull technique.

Which do you choose?

Now, this may seem a crude analogy, but fundamentally these are always the 2 choices you can make when you need to influence someone.

You can Push them to do it (this usually involves reasoning, debating, dictating, bribing or similar) or you can Pull them to do it (this involves visioning, storytelling, listening, building trust, etc).

It doesn’t matter if the person is close or distant, friend or foe, male or female, from a different country or speaks the same language, it could even be you influencing you (e.g. motivating yourself to go to the gym); ultimately it is always a choice between Push and Pull.

It also doesn’t matter what the topic is or how well you know the subject, you can still use either style.

In fact I often show people that to be effective you need to use both styles interchangeably depending on the context ↔️

So, I’ve spent most of my life moving effortlessly between the two but I came to the conclusion that 2025 is going to be the year of the Pull.

Why am I making the change?

As I do every year, I recently mapped out my goals for 2025 🥅

Some of them could be classified as transactional or one-off (such as wanting to buy a flat or wanting to run a sub 50 min 10k) but others are much more long term (such as wanting to get into a romantic relationship or wanting to build additional long term clients).

Over the last 5 years running my business, I’ve come to realise that, whilst Push influencing can be incredibly useful (particularly for transactional goals), if I want anything to be sustainable it can only happen through a Pull-style.

Yes, we’ve won work through a Push-style [ie pushing through our agenda and/or bombarding the client to sign the contract] but ultimately those projects have never been successful.

Because all our work is around emotional intelligence [we make teams and strategies more effective], if we are Pushing clients to do something, as soon as that Push is removed they quickly stop doing it.

This can be seen in how quickly the changes in behaviour regress or the fact that clients constantly reschedule the workshops you have planned with them 🤨.

Much more impactful is that every single project that we landed through a Push-style did not lead to further work ☹️.

Similarly, in other areas of my life where I’ve relied on Push techniques (such as with my running), then things invariably drop off a cliff at some point 🛑.

To top it off, just before Christmas I completed the #1000PostsChallenge, a massive experiment all around Push-influencing and it categorically reminded me that that style of influencing is so short lived, so bruising and so intense 🤕.

Thus, for 2025,it has to change.

What does this practically mean?

No more chasing is going to be the biggest change for me in 2025.

I won’t actively chase any of the following:

• People that said they’d meet but never follow up ✋
• Prospective clients that inquire about our services but never follow up ✋
• Prospective dates that are slow to reply ✋

Deep down, I know these were never meant to be so there is no point flogging a dead horse, so to speak [in fact there’s still a lot of truth in looking for these signs at a business meeting or a date].

Instead I am going to rely on Pull-style Influencing; this will undoubtedly lead to much more enjoyable long-term success.

I’m already seeing many benefits of a long term Pull-style (particularly through my use of LinkedIn where I have just become an influencer). Since the start of this year my Pull-style on that platform has resulted in:

• New work opportunities from new clients 💰
• Invitations to deliver talks at prestigious institutions 🏫
• Invitations to exclusive events 🤩
• Invitations to write articles for prestigious magazines ✍️
• Offers of dates 💕
• Offers for free stuff (including joining an exclusive mentoring programme, a free photo shoot and a free website overhaul) 🥳

And we’re only mid-way through January 🙌

A key component of this has been sharing my goals widely, opening up more about the challenges I’m facing, sharing the mundane, but charting the fun I’m having and sharing the successes too.

Sure I may occasionally get FOMO and experience other emotions when things don’t come good but let’s see where the Year of Pull will take me.

At the very least it should be eventful; follow me to see how I get on 🙌

Faris

Faris is the CEO and Founder of Shiageto Consulting, an innovative consultancy that helps firms and individuals sharpen their effectiveness. Connect with him here

Success = IQ x EQ x FQ

Originally Published on https://farisaranki.medium.com/

Faris Aranki Strategy & Emotional Intelligence

Having spent over 20 years delivering strategic change for the corporate and non-corporate worlds, Faris has experienced first-hand the fine differences between strategic success and failure.
His work has spanned numerous companies (from global behemoths to small start-ups), in numerous countries, across a range of sectors, supporting them all to unlock strategic success.

He came to realize that often what hinders institutions from achieving their goals goes beyond the quality of their strategy; it is their ability to engage effectively with others at all levels and remove barriers in their way. This has led to his passion for improving strategic effectiveness within all businesses and individuals and the foundation of Shiageto Consulting.

Over time, Faris has worked to distill his knowledge of how to solve complex problems in a structured manner combined with his skill on engaging effectively with others and his ability to quickly determine the barriers to a strategy's success. This knowledge has formed the foundation of Shiageto’s workshops, courses and methodologies. Faris believes that any firm or team can adopt these improvements; all it requires is a little of the right support -something Shiageto provides!

On top of leading our business, Faris is now an accomplished speaker and contributor for a variety of outlets.