There is no control issue until you say NO
There is no control issue until you say
NO!!!!
Think about it, before then it’s an agreement. But once one of us says:
“It has to be my way!”
Now you are stuck. And in most arguments this is where we get caught.
“You don’t care about me!”
“Well, you don’t care about me!”
So let’s take a look at
CONTROL
What do we really have control over?
Another? Hardly.
Just ourselves. Our thoughts, our beliefs, our words, and our actions. Our reactions!
So if you say it has to be your way, what can I say?
- Ok, since I have no say.
- This doesn’t really work for me, can we talk about this?
- Go right ahead and do what you want, but since I am not considered I won’t be joining you,
There are many ways you can choose to respond when it feels like another is exerting pressure.
Where do you feel you try to control another?
And where do you feel you are controlled?
These are important questions to ask to see where you come through for yourself and where you don’t. Most of us don’t realize that we often give up our power and then blame the other.
Do you let yourself slip into victim mode?
I do. Rarely, but I do sometimes.
Where do you struggle with this?
I’d love to hear!
Dr. Heather Browne PsyD, LMFT helps people recognize the power of communication. It is one of our most important skills that we have, and yet we don’t consider our understanding, approach, belief, and therefore, miss our possibilities. Living with a paranoid schizophrenic mother gave Dr. Heather a unique and powerful awareness that no one has the same reality, though we believe we do. Utilizing this revolutionary awareness has allowed her to transform communication within self and within all other types of relationship. This is the hidden key to acceptance. And this is her mission to share.
As a relationship expert, Dr. Heather Browne has worked with thousands of individuals and couples in psychotherapy. She is a TedX Speaker and Keynote Speaker. Her couple’s communication book will be out 1/24. She is published in hundreds of journals, has an active YouTube channel, has been featured on ABC-7 news, was the relationship expert on KDOC Daybreak OC, and is published in Inc., Toronto Sun, Thriving Family Magazine, Light + Life, BRAINZ, Scary Mommy, and Psychology Today. She is a regular guest blogger for both Links for Shrinks and for Marriage Friendly Therapists. She offers a weekly newsletter packed with tips and techniques to improve relationships and has monthly workshops! Simply go to her website!
https://www.drheatherbrowne.com/
