Bob Kay's caregiving journey with his wife Pat was one marked by deep love, resilience, and profound personal Growth. After meeting as teenagers and building a life and business together over 45 years of marriage, Bob faced the devastating challenge of caring for Pat as she battled stage 4 breast Cancer.
Through the ups and downs of Pat's treatment and declining health, Bob demonstrated unwavering commitment and compassion as her primary caregiver. He navigated the complexities of the medical system, learned hands-on caregiving skills, and leaned on the support of his daughter to ensure Pat's comfort. Despite the physical and emotional toll, Bob refused to give up, drawing strength from his love for Pat and their shared vision for their company and family.
Bob's caregiving experience also had a profound impact on him personally. He candidly shared how the Trauma of losing his wife led to PTSD-like symptoms, which he has worked to manage through self-reflection and mentoring others. Remarkably, Bob has channeled his challenges into growth, becoming a more empathetic leader and finding joy in activities like video gaming with his family. His story is a testament to the transformative power of caregiving and the importance of resilience, connection, and self-care in the face of life's most difficult trials.
About Bob:
Bob Kay's journey is marked by resilience and partnership. He met Pat through mutual acquaintances and bonded over music at church, where she supported him during a challenging time of homelessness. They married on May 11, 1974, after a sweet proposal in a church parking lot. Together, they navigated college, with Bob pursuing engineering and Pat earning a business degree, eventually having two children.
In 1988, following an aerospace career and amid industry scandal, Bob and Pat founded Elite Engineering. Their collaborative efforts combined business acumen and engineering expertise, leading to a successful consultancy. Sadly, Pat's life was cut short by stage 4 breast cancer, diagnosed on their 45th anniversary. Despite the challenges, including a severe injury from a chiropractor, Pat remained a source of strength until her passing on January 2, 2020. Bob cherishes the valuable lessons and memories they shared throughout their journey together.
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Known since childhood as “The Elliott Girls” or simply, “The Girls”, it makes sense that we work together to support our mother, and each other. Our trio begins with Jenefer Jane “JJ” who was and always will be “in charge”. She’s the peacekeeper. The responsible one, ensuring Natalie and Emilie remain alive. Next is Natalie, the middle child, who was and always will be Miss Congeniality. She’s the athlete. The rebel responsible for three babysitters exiting the summer of ’84. Then there is Emilie, the youngest, who was and always will be “the baby”. At 6’1”, she is the sensitive and quiet soul. The one responsible for the guinea pig that begged for lettuce and the stray dog we adopted from the bus stop.
After high school we went separate ways, from New Mexico to North Carolina. JJ would go on to get her Master’s in Business Administration and work in the finance world before partnering with her now husband, Dexter, to run a variety of businesses. Natalie would go on to get her Master’s in Social Work degree, and work in the mental health field, advocating for children and families to receive the most appropriate services. Natalie would marry and divorce early on but later marry Jason. Emilie would exit college early to marry and gift us with Owen and twins, Maxx and Natalie Jane aka “The Kids”. Emilie would later divorce and work with county government, focusing much time on caring for the kids.
The source of the sisterhood falls to Jim aka “Big Jim” and Connie, small town high school sweethearts married for almost 40 years.
In 2005, at the age of 52, mom would be diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease. She hid the disease for years behind dad’s 6’2” frame. The tremors and sudden inability to move were both calmed and steadied by his arm and simple presence. He was her rock. Our rock. Close family and friends knew of her chronic illness, but to the rest of the world, everything was “fine”. Life would turn upside down when our dad unexpectedly passed in 2011 of a massive heart attack at the age of 58. The assumption was Dad would always be mom’s caregiver but that wasn’t God’s plan.
Mom would spend the years following our father’s death desperately seeking a cure for Parkinson’s while trying to manage her symptoms. As the years went by, the cruel symptoms associated with the disease increased, negatively impacting her body while her mind remained clear and in tune. We lived our lives checking in to make sure she was “okay” but knowing the day would come when we had to do more. And then it did. The summer of 2019 changed everything. That’s where the real caregiver story begins for us. Little did we know she would be only the beginning of our caregiving journey.
In March 2022, Natalie’s husband, Jason, was diagnosed with head and neck cancer. From the first time Jason detected something off about the swollen lymph nodes in his neck, to the formal diagnosis, and the decision to move to New York City to participate in a clinical trial at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center, the journey would push them to their limits. The silver lining of his diagnosis was the cancer brought them closer to God, restoring their faith in Him while also experiencing a myriad of blessings through the kindness of family, friends, and strangers. Their story is a testimony that will inspire and offer hope.
