Are you suffering from chronic interruptoritis?

Interruptoritis is a state of being when you find your self being interrupted on a regular basis by another human and are unable to express ourselves. Well as we move into this important holiday period, I want to use this time to reflect or complain about

 Our penchant for interrupting others when we are having conversations.  Let me pause here for a moment. It’s important that my readers understand that I am referring to Americans, the USA aka the humans who reside below the 49^th Parallel Line that extends from sea to shining sea.

And no, I did not forget about Canadians. The nuns at St. Nicholas of Tolentine Grade School in Queens, New York were good about teaching us historical facts and geography. Canada is a completely different and separate country. For this reason, I will be addressing Canadians’s communication style in a seperate paragraph for exceptionally good reasons.

So let’s refocus our attention and circle back to the US and our great teachers – The American Media in general. Over the last few decades in the US, we have witnessed countless T.V, radio and social media interviews where the hosts and guest talk over each other multiple times. The hosts not only failed to listen, exchange perspectives and gain context – they modeled and permitted a negative behavior that has influenced every generation that has followed.

So we watch interviews and debates where no one is waiting their turn, raising their hand, or stepping aside to hear another voice besides their own.  The participants (including the hosts in too many cases) have failed to learn to pause, appreciate the process and even take breadth between running commentaries. Too many interviewers have failed to learn their craft and succumbed the appeal of a verbal brawl. And of course it’s nobody’s fault – “The ratings algorithms made them do it.”

As a result, the speaker’s context is not learned or shared. This leaves the listener and participant having to listen to diatribes versus thoughtful sharing of facts with real data and examples that can be verified and substantiated. Both sides of the conversation need to Exercise some semblance of control. We fail to appreciate and understand and learn what is driving opinions. and many of us hunker down in our respective conversation bubbles.

So here’s the other thing that I learned in Queens from the nuns – They taught us manners, and that our opinions weren’t that precious and interesting we could wait our turn. What they understood their lessons from the Old and New Testaments – It helps to have a third party help facilitate the conversation and work with a goal in mind. – People who are heard, seen and listened will be more likely to exchange the same courtesy when it’s the other party’s turn to talk. So maybe we need to renting few charter buses and send nuns to D.C so they could conduct workshops and help our governing bodies get something done and support their consituencies.

Right about now, you might be asking yourself “Did she forget about the Canadians?”  No – I did not.  My life is full of lessons and stories from my many trips to Canada. During my trips I learned key facts –  Childhood lesson – A summer day at a beach in #Chicoutimi bears no resemblance to the rotisserie experience sunbathing at Jones Beach. Adulthood – When my husband I traveled to Quebec City for New Years, I understood why Canadians eat #poutine (Your body burns fuel faster than a MacLaren sportscar when it’s negative 20 degrees below zero) and the reasoning behind my wonderful former boss American Boss at American Express (@Aziz Choudery) made this snarky commented as I exited the recruitment office for the holiday “Fat freezes.” * I suspected that this comment although inappropriate in current work environment did contain some wisdome. So  while I looked chic when I attended indoor festivities, my outdoor gear honored my Lithuanian and Polish grandmothers. My husband on the other hand dropped cash like a Las Vegas gamble when he went shopping at the Hudson Bay Flagship Store. * It was a different time.

However I didn’t hoard these learnings, because I understoon that being a leader means leading by example and making sure the people you care for are protected and have all the knowledge and resources that they need to be successful and safe. When my godson was preparing to attend the Glenn Gould School(Music Conservatory) l in Toronto.  I recommended that he spend some time watching news commentary programs so he could witness an incredible phenomenon – Canadians let other speak and they listen.

Do you need a few minutes to absorb this information?

Times up. – Canadians let others speak and actually listen to what the other person is saying before they open their mouth. And furthermore, they remember what was said. Incredible.

Simple. But not so simple.  You see their constitution includes the sentiments “Peace, Order and Good Government.”

So, you go. Since we are middle of negotiating our trade agreements and our tariffs, perhaps we can include this valuable commodity in the mix – Civil discourse, respect, and LISTENING.

But what do I know? – I’m just a gal from Queens.

If you would like to learn more about interruptis and the art of listening where I have included actual, scientific research about what happens to us when the listening stops and interruptions runs rampant.

In closing – remember what the nuns would say to my class when we were struggling with a concept. “Straighten up and study. Practice make perfect- It’s not rocket science.” They were an edgy bunch.

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Julienne Ryan Humorist, Speaker, Trainer, Facilitator, Coach

Julienne B. Ryan began her professional career at age five when she did TV commercials and learned important things like “the teamsters always eat first,” her social security number and how to endorse checks for bank deposit.

Ryan studied psychology in college because she wanted to understand humans. She conducted her “field work” in a variety of roles, hearing the phrases “merger synergies, reorganizations, downsizing and rightsizing for change” more times than she cares to mention.

Later she enrolled in an Ivy League graduate school where she paid oodles of money to validate her prior on-the-job learning experiences. However, she did learn to name drop up-to-date theories and trendy psychologists with alarming ease.

Ryan evolved into working in “Talent Management,” a fancy way of saying “try to find people and keep them moderately happy.” With inadequate budgets and staff allocations, she had to find creative ways to encourage her staff to work effectively. These ranged from begging and borrowing resources, improvising childcare, telling stories and even giving snacks as rewards. She tried to convince herself that working a bazillion hours and “multi-tasking” equaled achievement.

Her work took place in cubicles, conference rooms or, with luck, in offices with a door. Occasionally she would make the time to emerge from her allotted real estate to really talk to people. Ryan learned something transformative in the process:

Yes, she was effective. But not because she used fancy theories – or gave great snacks. Ryan’s success, her staff believed, was a result of her uncanny knack for weaving storytelling with humor to motivate and encourage them. Crucially, they encouraged Ryan to de-emphasize “that normal HR stuff” and focus on bringing her unique storytelling skills to a broader stage.

Thanks to them, Ryan continues to collect, connect and tell stories in her work helping people find their “true selves in the world of work.

She is the author of the humorous, all true "The Learned It In Queens Communications Playbook - Winning Against Distraction!".that now includes a workbook and is available at booksellers across the globe..

She is a guest contributor to The Procurement Foundry, LifeBlood, and the global storytelling community.

Certifications include
Accumatch (BI) Behavior Intelligence
Narativ Applied Storytelling Methodologies
Collective Brains – Mentorship Methodologies