(990 words) This is the week I used to tell the kids one of my favorite wisdoms, one that positively rings with cheer and hopefulness. “Remember, today you could be introduced to someone you’ve never met who is destined to become the best friend you’ll ever have.” It’s true on the first day of school […]

 I did something this week I swore I’d never do, something I’ve viciously mocked others for doing.I contacted a tattoo parlor about getting some ink.We’ll get into all of that but first I need to wrestle with why it was a parlor.The venerable Oxford English Dictionary says parlor (they spell it, parlour, the Limeys) is […]

(657 words) One if the most satisfying aspects of spending so much time staring out the window is being the recipient of radom genius thoughts. It’s a sort of brain lightning. You see solutions to problems that have for years bedeviled your fellow man. Problems like way too many firetrucks. That’s just the way my brain […]

 My friend Scott Levin told he thinks this the funniest line I’ve ever written … “If most men are being honest —  a big “if” — we’d admit to seeing a lot of ourselves in Ken while aspiring to see just a little of ourselves in Barbie.” Is he correct? Do you recall a better […]

(671 words) I’m so resigned to the cruel realities of male pattern baldness that when my daughter said my hair looked nice, I said, “Which one?” So normally I lack the impetus — not to mention the hair — to write about my coif But after what happened to me at the Ye Olde Barber […]

 • As a proponent of “make everyday something festive,” I was a pioneer promoter for “Christmas in July” (and August, and September and etc …). Today I told my daughter to quit the summer job, drop out of school and devote her every waking moment to composing 12 Juneteenth in July carols that’ll really capture […]

 (648 words)I blame my years as a young newspaper reporter for why I spend so much time thinking about untimely death.Back then it was a near daily smorgasbord of reporting on the often violent expirations of hapless Tennesseans. They’d accidentally steer jalopies off cliffs, stumble into the rusty wood chipper, and drunkenly fail to exit […]

 Check out my Intstagram! • I swear, if I were a lumberjack, I’m certain I’d spend less time jackin’ lumber and more time sitting in the shade pondering what to me is the root question of the profession: “Okay, the boss ordered me to cut this tree down. And as soon as I do he’ll […]

  (674 words) I’m proud that all my books and subsequent talks are all about spreading happiness and understanding. My aim is to uplift the downtrodden. So why is it one of the things I’m sure my audience always remembers most is something most distressful? I guess it’s because no one wants to believe that […]

 (757 words)I mistakenly found myself on the culture war front lines Saturday at an otherwise innocent golf bash..And, yep, my penis was partly to blame.It by mistake led me into the ladies’ room.It’s where conservatives believe the about 1.4 percent of Americans who identify as transgender are massing to present temptations that likely would have […]